|
|
|
|
Volume 2 : Issue 3
Free to all members
Contents
Page 2 - Hi! & Treguards Top 10
Page 3 - Majida’s Mail
Page 4 - Merchandise/Order form
Page 5 - TQ page
Page 6 - The Great Story Strip
Page 7 - How to make....
Page 8 - Competitions
Page 9 - Competition Results
Page 10 - Pickles Puzzles
Page 11 – Lissards Profile & Aesandre’s Diary
Page 12 - Lissards Horoscopes
Hi !!!!
Welcome to another issue of your fave magazine,
K.M. To start, many of you have asked how the change from issue to volume works.
Well, KM comes out 4 times a year, so each year of issues is a volume. i.e.
every 4 issues is a volume. However as issue 1 was done by hand and is a
different format, we left that as a full volume. To make up for this, Volume 2
only has 3 issues (2,3, and 4). From issue 5 onwards (which will be the start of
volume 3), every 4 issues is a volume.
A new feature in this issue is 'How to make'....
New members this issue include Jason Balaban and Richard Churnick
Originally, membership cards were supposed to be
attached below, but these were postponed until a later issue.
Enjoy this issue,
Anton Benson
Treguard's Top 10....TV
programs
10. Animaniacs
9. Brookside
8. Coronation Street
7. Neighbours
6. Crystal maze
5. Noels House party
4. Faulty Towers
3. Eastenders
2. One foot in the Grave
1.
KNIGHTMARE
Dear Anton (at KM),
I like the Knightmare magazine
very much. I have been reading it all night. I also have some slight complaints
that I hope you will fix for me.
1) Spelling mistakes, (click
spell check on the word processing package).
2) You have spelt my name
wrong, it’s RICHARD RAPPAPORT, not RAPPERPORT
3) The cartoon strips are hard
to read.
Richard.
Dear Richard,
Here are some answers:
1) (Anton) - Blame Mark Berry,
he does the computer and printing side. I’ll pass the blame on for you.
(Mark) - Richard, you try to keep up with 3-4 subjects a night plus
Knightmare on top, also I have to catch a bus at 7:20am. You can do it if you
want!!!!
2) (Anton) - Sorry Richard
3) (Anton) - This was a standard
complaint. It has now been put right.
Mark Berry
Dear KM,
I have a slight complaint (Anton - not another one). When people enter competitions they should
get better prizes, chocolate (Mark -
good choice of prize Matthew) and stuff.
If
we all pitch in and give 25p to KM, we would have over £4 for better prizes.
Matthew Mickler.
Dear Matthew,
Sorry I couldn’t print the whole of your letter (Mark
- Who Anton). The trouble is not
everyone is as willing as you to pay. But, if people agree, they can
‘letter’ me know, and I’ll improve the prizes and if I can, the mag
itself.
Thanks for the letter
Anton Benson
Membership Packs
Membership packs will be
available at the same time as issue 5. They will cost about 50p and will be
crammed full of your favourite Knightmare goodies.
MORE
DETAILS SOON....
New Complaints Column starts next volume!!!!
K.M
Merchandise
Massive Sale
Please note that I no longer
supply any of this merchandise. This was just some of the stuff available when
the issue first became available.
Knightmare
TT’s - 60p
Series 8 TT’s
- 20p
Spec offer for TT’s
- 75p
S ‘q’eaming bookmarks
- 2 for 20p
Smirkenorff
poster
- 10p
Knightmare,
'The
New Series'
poster
- 12p
Knightmare, home made cassette
- 70p
Lord
Fears Domain Book
- £2.90
Lord Fears Diary Leaflets
- 25p
Additional gift
(when spending 40p)
- 10p
ALL ITEMS REDUCED SINCE LAST ISSUE
TQ
PAGE
THIS
ISSUE YOU FINALLY GET TO KNOW THAT T.Q. STANDS FOR “THE
QUEST”. “THE QUEST” IS THE
OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF THE OFFICIAL KNIGHTMARE CLUB, TO WHICH I AM A MEMBER. THIS
IS WHERE I GET YOUR REDUCED MERCHANDISE FROM AND MANY IDEAS FOR KM. IN EACH
ISSUE OF KM, I WILL INCLUDE SEVERAL ARTICLES FROM TQ, IN THIS NEW FEATURE, TQ
PAGE.
A
QUEST:
STEP BOLDLY FORWARDS THE VOICE
ECHOED ON.
AS I TOOK MY LAST STEPS IN THE SAFE KINGDOM.
TREAD VERY CAREFULLY.
I MOVE TO ONE LEVEL
HOPING FOR MY SAFETY. AS I MET PUZZLE NUMBER ONE
I chose my weapons carefully
To save my own dear skin
Now coming to causeway
Here’s hope that I will win
Arriving at the other side
I breathe a sigh of relief
Entering the next chamber
I was shaking like a leaf
But now I know that I stepped wrong
I took one step to far
And fell like a falling star
Once more Lord Fear has won his
way
I shall kept my anger at bay
And hope that I will return on day.
SMIRKEN OFF??
Pickle:
Master, Smirkenoff’s just made a one point landing
Treguard:
Surely you mean a three point landing !!
Pickle:
No master he landed on the castle flag
pole.
Pickle in a Pickle
Pickle:
What would you like for dinner master
Treguard:
Shut up Pickle and get in the pot!!!
SLY
HANDS PRESENTS.... Creepy cookery for beginners
Lubberly
Lemon Lizard
1 Lemon,
1 lizard (NOT LISSARD)
A lot of old Norfolk ale
Get
a Lizard to drink the Lemons juice and the ale. Then you should scoff the lizard
And get to sleep quickly after this refreshing snack. MORE NEXT ISSUE.
The Great Story Strip
4 from Bournemouth tread the
path through dungeons deep and caverns dark.
Ben, Paul and Nathan too guide Dave on his quest below.
The crowns their quest and fear’s their foe.
Will they succeed? Read on and
know !!
“Greetings
friends” said the Monk “do not be alarmed, I come with greetings also come
with the spyglass which you may have for a small price.” Dave is told by his
advisers to tell the monk that he has no money or other objects. “I see,”
Replies Brother Strange, the monk that Dave has encountered. “That matters
not, for I seek a proverb, a new one for my collection.”
Dave
tries by saying “a rolling stone gathers no moss,” and “Don’t count your
chickens before they are hatched,” but brother strange has both. Dave is then
advised by Paul to try “A Silver cloud has no lining”. Luckily brother
Strange hasn’t got that one and is quite happy to have acquired a proverb, and
also to have got rid of a piece of equipment for spying on Lord Fear, the leader
of the opposition.
“Travel
in piece” brother Strange exclaims as he hurries off. As you hear a goblin
horn in the distance you decide to the spyglass to look at later.
You hurry through the portal into the next room. It is an open market, probably Grimsdale. Quite luckily there is an unattended stall which Dave makes his way to. On arriving he finds a bunch of grapes, a scroll, a bar of gold, a key and a firestone.
How
to make....
A
Knightmare S‘q’eaming Bookmark
O.K. For the first how to make....,
I thought I’d show you how to make S‘q’eaming Bookmarks, since after
this issue they will no longer be available.
YOU’LL NEED
Stiff paper and pens
1) Cut the stiff paper approximately to the following
size. 6cm by 25cm.
2) Fold the paper as in diagram 1.
3) Draw your Knightmare character over the fold, so that
the upper lip is above the crease. See diagram 2.
4) Open the bookmark and draw a burst in the middle.
Write something in it! See diagram 3.
5) Join the mouth and face lines as in diagram 3.
6) Place your bookmark into the
correct place in your book. Now, pull the top of the bookmark to find the place
in your book and see a Knightmare character at the same time.
[Sorry, diagram not available yet]
Knightmare
Competitions
Please note that most of these competitions are no longer open. They were
competitions from when the magazine was originally released. However, any that
are still open will be clearly stated.
GOODS GALORE:
Closed
All you have to do is design a
new Knightmare character and describe it. You will win: Knightmare T.T. Cards, 2
posters, a sticker set & a mystery (cartoon/cheap) video!!
Win a free membership to the official Knightmare club
Open(ish)
You may still enter this competition and I will print the winners and
answers
in issue 6, but there is no longer any
prize available.
Not bad eh?? Well alrighty
then. Can you tell huh, huh?? Yeh I’m talking in Ace (Venturer that is)
language. The reason for this is because I’m involved in this comp. Any
loo-ooo-ooo-osers who aren’t any good at hard puzzles turn over now.
All that needs to be done
around here is make as many words as possible fit ‘like a glove’ or in
general language, make as many words from ‘Ace Venturer’ as you can.
Rules:-
1) Words must be 3 letters or
more
2) Only use each letter once in
a word
3) the person with the most
‘acceptable’ words will win
4) What are you waiting for get thinking!
GIVEAWAY - Better than ever before
Closed
The first person pulled out a hat wins Knightmare T.T cards (20p cash alternative available). The next 2 out will each receive a poster and a sticker set. The next 5 will each get just a sticker set. Enter now just say with your answers that you want to take part in the KM giveaway!!!!
COMPETITION RESULTS
I’m
sure some of you can’t wait to get your hands on the answers to last issues
competition answers, names and entries of people who won them, On this page and
the next are some of the major entries and answers.
General Mag:- Some people wanted it, some didn’t. However, Richard
Churnick won the prize of a Srnirkenoff poster.
K.M.
1 Give-away:
-3 people entered, but only two could win. They
were
Saul Peters and Richard Churnick.
Questions:-
The
answers are
1)
Music to wake him, fire to feed him was SMIIRKIENOFF
2) Gripa and Rhark are GOBLINS
3) Snapper Jacks main wishes are to
RID
THE DUNGEON OF BOTH FOOLS AND DRAGONS.
The winner was Kevin Sutton. His prize is a pack of T.T. cards
Caption
Competition:-
Here are some of the entries
Get out of
here you dungeoneers, alright”
Yes I am very pleased Lizzard, I am the most
powerful man ever, no one has half the power of mine. Tomorrow I will order my
servants to kill that retched Treguard”
“Don’t mess with me squirt, get on with your quest”
The
winning entry, by Matthew Mickler was
“You May Enter the Dungeon, but you’ll Never Return Home”
Anagrams:-
The
winner was Kevin Sutton, whilst the runner up was Simon
Nadler.
ANSWERS:-
1]
(this was a tricky one) Sly Hands
2] Treguard
3] Pickle
4] Lord Fear
5] Lissard
6] Majida
The
Lord Fear Bargain
Giveaway:-
Each
of the following boys received a pencil; Matthew
Mickler, Richard Rappaport, Kevin
Sutton, Richard Churnick and Simon
Nadler.
Saul Peters sent in 3 which means he gets a bookmark, pencil, and sticker
set.
Kevin Sutton, Mark Berry and Simon Nadler
just sent in one, which gives them each a sticker set.
Design a causeway:-
Simon Nadler won, Richard Rappaport as a runner up. See their designs below:-
[Design
not available yet - sorry]
GOODS GALORE:- Sadly no one entered the GOODS GALORE competition. Find an easier GOODS GALORE competition in this issue.
Pickles
Puzzles
Name the side -
Decide which of the characters listed below are from the Powers that Be, the
Opposition, neither, or both.
- Sidriss
- Aesandre
- Skarkil
- Pickle
- Smirkenoff
- Honesty Bartrum
True or false
1) Knightmare is always on Friday
2) There have been 7 Knightmare books
3) Knightmare has been nominated for an award
4) There will be another series of Knightmare, sooner or later
5) TQ means Treguard's Quiz
Cross the causeway
Answers next issue
Answers to last issue's questions
True or false
1) There have been 5 series of Knightmare
FALSE
2) Knightmare has won an award for best kids TV show
TRUE
3) Knightmare has been shown on Channel 4 FALSE*
4) At least one Knightmare character has been shown each
series FALSE
Questions
1) Treguards old helper
Pickle
2) Hordress’
daughter
Sidriss
3) Motley fancies her
Stiletta
4) Like feet but on the other side of your body
Sly hands
5) Leader of the opposition
Lord Fear
6) Old leader of the opposition
Mogdred
Going down
Lissard
There
are the same amount of K’s as M’s. 32K’s and 32M’s
LiSsArD’s
PrOfilE
Name
: Lissard
Age
: 33
occupation
: helping his Lordness
Health
: 4
out of 10
Home
: Marble head castle (with his
Lordness)
Passed
home : Atlantis
Why he left his old home:
Atlantis sunk, and
Lissard along with the Brolichan were pulled to
safety by Lord Fear, for bad uses.
Distinguishing
feature : Breath smells of tuna
Why
he always adds ‘ness' to the end of his words :
We are told that Lissard has a nasty lispness, (oh no, he’s got
NEW
FEATURE
Aesandre's diary!!
Each issue we’ll have a diary entry from the
evil snow queen Aesandre.
16th
Nov
“I can’t believe
they all fall for it! HA HA! they
honestly believe that there is a vital object on the bridge for taking. As
soon as they are on the bridge ‘SNAP’
and the bridge crumbles at the mercy of those pesky dungeoneers.
And now to set more
plans out. It can’t be everyday I get one to fall into (or off) the bridge, eh
I mean my trap like that. Wait I shouldn’t be writing this, what if someone
reads. Who cares. I’m an ice queen. I’ll just freeze them like I did with
Lord Fear and the dungeon once, but that’s another story.
Lissard's Horoscopes
Lissard serves up some
more hilarious horoscopes for all you star sign readers. Lissard wants everyone
to know that his star sign is Leo. He says that suits him because Leo is a lion
and lions are ferocious like him.
VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23)
Don’t worry if your not on top of
LIBRE (Sept 24-Oct 23)
Buy the new book, “Lions and Tigers.” You should have a roaring time.
SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22)
Bad days are forecast this month, but like a weather man. I could be
wrong.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22)
If snow is on the horizon, it’s likely to be on the land.
CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20)
Don’t open the door this month, there’ll be a nasty bug coming round.
AQUARIUS (Jan 21-FEB 19)
Try your patience this month, if you can wait that long.
PISCES (Feb 20-Mar 20)
You’ll find that juggling isn’t easy, mind you neither cupling or saucerling!!
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20)
If lucks not in
hand it shouldn’t be a foot either.
TAURUS (Apr 21-May 21)
You could look
pretty this month, you could also look ugly.
It’s more likely to be both i.e. Pretty Ugly.
GEMINI (May 22-June 21)
Don’t hide your fingers, cos then you can’t count on them.
CANCER (June 22-July 23)
Don’t spend time washing dishes, They’ll soon be dished out again.
LEO (July 24-Aug 23)
People think raffle holders cheat, but it’s just the LOOK of the draw.