I THINK I READ SOMEWHERE

Have you ever dreamed of going on a quest through the Knightmare Dungeon, just like the heroes in Adventure Time? Well, here’s your chance to undertake an Adventure Time quest, just like those in the first six Knightmare books. All the usual rules of the Dungeon apply. You will need a six-sided die. There are three levels to complete over the next three issues. Here’s your chance to attempt level one, if you dare.

You stand before the great door, nerves running high. Although you wear the Helmet of Justice, you can still see the path ahead. Before you begin your adventure, Treguard asks you to select a quest object: either the Cup that Heals or the Crown in Glory.

If you want to try and redeem the Cup, go to 29.

If you go for the Crown, go to 37.

2

You are in the chamber of Queen Kalina. The sorceress is fiddling with a padlock on a large chest, which she is obviously having trouble opening.

If you sneak past without attracting her attention, go to 17.

If you offer her a skeleton key, go to 31.

“Yes, that’s a good enough reason” Fatilla leers as he takes the gold from you. “In fact, it’s such a good reason that I’m going to tell you a useful word that I know. The word is goblin. Now, push off, before I change my mind.”

You hurriedly go to 25.

4

You probably would have done better not to take this chance, as the tail is swinging wildly. However, you might get past if you’re quick enough. Roll a die.

If you score an even number, go to 26.

If you score an odd number, go to 13.

5

“What possible use could I have for that?” snorts Smirkenorff huffily. “Go away, human, and only come back when you have gained some sense.”

Go to 24.

“Thank you, my dear young person” Mildread rasps at you. “This will come in most handy for flavouring. In return, I gift you the WELL spell. Use it wisely.”

You thank Mildread and go to 17.

7

You just make it to the door before the bomb explodes. Go to 40.

You find yourself in Mildread’s chamber. The old witch is stirring her cauldron and muttering to herself.

If you sneak past without attracting her attention, go to 17.

If you offer her a gem, go to 18.

If you offer her a potion, go to 6.

That was not the correct password. The blocker shoots forward and swallows you. Your adventure ends here.

10

You should have thought of two of the following: Little John, Will Scarlet, Friar Tuck, Alan-a-Dale, Mutch the Miller’s son and Maid Marian.

If you did so, go to 19.

If not, go to 43.

11

You hurl the water at the fuse and it fizzles out. You can now walk at your leisure to the exit. Go to 40.

12

“You have failed the test!” Phelheim cries triumphantly. “Now, I feed on you.” Your adventure ends here.

13

Luckily, you make it past the scorpion without incident. Go to 42.

What do you think the password is?

Ghost. Go to 9.

Goblin. Go to 39.

Dungeon. Go to 23.

Well. Go to 28.

You find yourself in a dark cave. The only exit is blocked by Fatilla, the Barbarian guard.

“No exit, young adventurer” Fatilla slurps. “You’d better give me a good reason not to blip you and then blop you.”

If you offer him a potion, go to 30.

If you offer him a gem, go to 22.

If you offer him gold, go to 3.

16

“Thank you, human” smiles Smirkenorff. “You have pleased me. In return, I will tell you the word. It’s goblin.”

You thank Smirkenorff and continue on your way. Go to 24.

You are in the blocker’s chamber. Before you have time to make for the exit, the wall grates forwards and forms a gigantic face.

“Password!” the blocker demands.

If you can give the password, go to 14.

If you do not know the password, go to 38.

Mildread is intent on making her stew and takes no notice of what you are saying to her. You are forced to leave empty-handed. Go to 17.

19

“Truth accepted” Brangwen says. “Listen, human. The key is a skeleton key, and can be used in any lock. The glove holds nothing.”

The wall monster disappears, leaving you to choose your two objects. To remind you, there is a gauntlet, a key and a dragon mint. When you have decided, go to 33.

20

You should have thought of two of the following: Lancelot, Gawain, Galahad, Bedevere, Bors, Balin, Balan, Gareth, Percival, Kay, Agravaine and Tristran.

If you did so, go to 41.

If not, go to 12.

21

You walk through the door and are impaled on a large spike. Your adventure ends here.

“That’s not a good enough reason, I’m afraid” Fatilla tells you. “So I’ll just have to blip you and then blop you!”

If you can offer him a bar of gold, go to 3 quickly.

If not, your adventure ends here.

That was not the correct password. The blocker shoots forward and swallows you. Your adventure ends here.

24

You emerge onto a chequered floor. There are two exits from this chamber, one directly to the right on the same row of squares as you, the other one row and three squares to the left of you. At the far end of the room squats Motley, the jester.

“Hail to you, adventurer” Motley calls. “Welcome to the level one crossroads. Do you want to know which way is yours? It’s quite simple, really. If you want to be a rook, do not take a second look. If you want to be a knight, you’ll get more than just a fright.”

If you take the door to the left, go to 21.

If you go right, go to 2.

The room you enter has two exits, one to the right and one to the left. You are about to go to the right when the Automatum comes clanking out of the door that you are making for.

If you think you can dodge past him, go to 36.

If you go over to the other door, go to 8.

26

The tail shoots out and poisons you as you are running past. Your adventure ends here.

27

“What possible use could I have for that?” snorts Smirkenorff huffily. “Go away, human, and only come back when you have gained some sense.”

Go to 24.

That was not the correct password. The blocker shoots forward and swallows you. Your adventure ends here.

You enter a room dominated by the spectral scorpion. There is a possible exit beyond the path of its swinging tail on the right-hand wall. You notice, however, that the tail is swinging more quickly than usual, giving you little or no room for error in your dash to safety. There is another exit immediately to your left.

If you take the left-hand exit, go to 42.

If you try to dash past the scorpion, go to 4.

“That’s not a good enough reason, I’m afraid” Fatilla tells you. “So I’ll just have to blip you and then blop you!”

If you can offer him a bar of gold, go to 3 quickly.

If not, your adventure ends here.

31

“Oh, thank you,” breathes Kalina gratefully as the key turns in the lock. “I don’t know what I would have done if I couldn’t have got that chest open. It holds all my best silverware, you see, which I need for my dinner party tonight. To show my gratitude for your help, I gift you the WELL spell. Use it wisely.”

You thank Kalina and go to 17.

32

You are not fast enough. The bomb explodes and you are blown to smithereens. Your adventure ends here.

33

You find yourself at the pit of Smirkenorff, the dragon. He looks at you with disdain before speaking to you.

“I have a special word that I will share with you” Smirkenorff rumbles. “If you offer me relief for my rumbling stomach.”

If you have a dragon mint to give him, go to 16.

If not, will you offer him a skeleton key (go to 27) or a gauntlet (go to 5)?

Congratulations on completing level one! You cast the spell and a stone well appears in the corner of the room. You climb down this into level two. Read I Think I Read Somewhere next issue to learn what challenges await you.

35

It may have been worth putting out the fuse to save yourself some time. Still, you might make it before the bomb explodes. Roll a die.

If you roll an odd number, go to 32.

If you roll an even number, go to 7.

That wasn’t a very sensible idea. You hardly have time to think before your skull has been crushed by the Automatum’s morning star. Your adventure ends here.

37 You emerge into a room dominated by a large bomb. The fuse is burning brightly, and a bucket of water sits on the floor beside it. The only exit is about ten metres away. Will you make a dash for it, or risk tarrying long enough to try and put the fuse out?

If you decide to try and put the fuse out, go to 11.

If you dash for the exit, go to 35.

You must have made a mistake at some point on the level to have missed this vital clue. Your adventure ends here.

The blocker shoots off, leaving the exit clear. You step through it into an empty chamber. There is no visible means of exit.

“Here is the wellway room, young adventurer, and the end of level one” Treguard’s voice says from nowhere. “But I hope you have not been so foolish as to have missed the way to find the well.”

If you have the WELL spell, go to 34.

If you do not have this spell, go to 38.

40

You are in the level one clue room. On the table you find a bar of gold, a green stone and a potion. Before you can make your choice, the face of Phelheim appears on the wall in front of you.

“Only those who show knowledge will leave my chamber alive” Phelheim tells you. “If you wish to do so, human, then give me the names of two of Arthur’s most famous knights, who sat at his round table.”

When you have your answer, go to 20.

“Truth accepted,” says Phelheim. “Listen, human. There are none on this level who value gems over stews or base metal. Leave quickly, and quietly.”

Decide which two objects to take from the selection of a bar of gold, a green stone and a potion, then go to 15.

42

You have entered the level one clue room. On the table are three objects: a key, a dragon mint and a gauntlet. Before you can make your choice, the far wall changes into the face of Brangwen, the wall monster.

“Hold your hand, thief” Brangwen says to you. “You may not have passage until you have answered my question. This time, it is a matter of general knowledge. Give me the names of two famed followers of Robin Hood.”

Once you have your answer, go to 10.

43

“You have failed the test!” Brangwen cries triumphantly. “Now, I feed on you.” Your adventure ends here.