THE BIG ISSUE

It’s time for the belated return of this feature, where two similar Knightmare characters go head-to-head to see which one is best at what they do. As promised in issue 10, you can now choose between Lord Fear’s right-hand men, Skarkill and Lissard.

SKARKILL: The goblin master in series 5 and 6, played by Rayner Bourton. His principle role was to kidnap dungeoneers by putting them in his manacles, but he also acted as Lord Fear’s right-hand man in series 6.

Advantages: Skarkill certainly got to see more action in the Dungeon than Lissard. He made appearances in the Dungeon in both his series, providing a real threat to the future of the quest. He was no pushover to deal with, though, as the use of either magic or an object would always be required. Skarkill proved himself as a dangerous enemy when he ended the quest of Richard II in series 5. Armed with the memory of this, it was always possible for the viewers to visualise what would happen if subsequent teams failed to deal with Skarkill, unlike with characters who threatened but never killed. Despite Lord Fear’s initial derisory manner towards Skarkill, he clearly had quite a bit of power in the Dungeon as he was the master of the goblins, creatures that had proven themselves quite capable of being fatal foes in their renegade days in series 3 and 4. As time went on, Fear became much less hostile towards Skarkill, eventually discussing evil plans with him almost as an equal.

Disadvantages: Well, Skarkill wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box, was he? Why let your prisoner go if he gives you gold when you could capture him and take the gold anyway? It could be said that Skarkill simply fell into his role as Fear’s right-hand man after he was crippled by Tiny the hobgoblin at the start of series 6. With one of his legs rendered next to useless, Skarkill was rarely seen early in series 6, and even when he was it was only for Fear to insult him through his magic pool. Skarkill’s two brief appearances in the Dungeon later in the series showed him to be slow and clearly not up to the job, and he was defeated easily on both occasions. Perhaps he did not become Lord Fear’s right-hand man by his own merits, then, but because it was the only thing he was still capable of doing – hanging around his master and playing Placebo. Thinking of Skarkill in terms of Lord Fear’s seneschal, then, may not show him at his best. Although he started off with a clear role in the Dungeon that he proved himself capable of fulfilling, it might be fair to say that he became a redundant character after his foot was crushed. Of course, what started as his foot soon became his whole leg, and then the other leg was crushed by Red Death landing on Mount Fear! Poor Skarkill – it was a sorry end for him. Perhaps it was a bad move from roaming the Dungeon to hanging around Lord Fear.

LISSARD: Lord Fear’s seneschal in series 7 and 8, Lissard picked up where Skarkill left off. He was a green-skinned amphibious person from Atlantis, who delighted in cooking up devious dungeoneer-stopping plans with Lord Fear. Somewhere under the makeup was actor Clifford Barry.

Advantages: Lissard was hired to be Lord Fear’s seneschal, and he carried out this role admirably and faithfully during his time on Knightmare. There were very few episodes in the final two series that did not feature Lissard helping Lord Fear to concoct devious plans to stop the kidsies from winning. Lissard’s plans were not without success, as Ben III in series 7 discovered. Lissard had secreted the letters to an important spell throughout level two that Ben had to find and collect. When the team missed one of these, they were killed off on the Trial by Spikes. Although Lissard made practically no personal appearances in quests, it is perhaps unfair to use this as an advantage Skarkill has over him.

A new goblin master, Raptor, was brought in to replace Skarkill in the Dungeon, while Lissard took over his role as Lord Fear’s chief henchman. Lissard fulfilled the role he was designated with nothing to quibble about, and on the rare occasions when we were given evidence of his exploits in the Dungeon, it was clear that he was not without skills of his own. Towards the end of series 7, Lissard managed to break the power of Grimaldine, who was a powerful mage, by breaking his magic staff into four pieces. There can also be no doubt that Lissard was an original and striking character, with his green face, red-rimmed eyes and hissing, lisping voice that added ness onto the end of some words, the classic being Lordness. He therefore made his mark on Knightmare from the start, and proved himself to be a worthy member of the Opposition.

Disadvantages: Lissard was clearly brought in simply to replace Skarkill – someone had decided that Lord Fear looked good with a buddy-henchman, so Lissard was created for this purpose. Such was his primary role that he was always something of a joke, with his ridiculously over-the-top mannerisms and way of speaking. Unlike Skarkill, Lissard was a one-dimensional caricature who experienced no character development whatsoever and so all of his appearances were pretty much the same as each other, unlike Skarkill’s. Lord Fear clearly saw Lissard as something of a joke, constantly mocking his appearance, voice and smell – Lissard was there to get a laugh out of the viewers by being Fear’s folderol, as it were. All that might not be so bad on its own, but my main objection to Lissard is his lack of appearances in the quest.

At the very end of series 7 he has about five seconds of screen-time with Barry and Hordriss after he has been changed back from his Marta disguise, then he slinks off almost immediately. I was hoping for at least a few words with Barry in this scene, but no such luck. In the next series Lissard is confined solely to wandering around Marblehead as Fear unwittingly reveals all his plans to spying dungeoneers, and he continues to be pretty much just the butt of Lord Fear’s jokes and insults.

So, do you know which is your favourite yet? I think Skarkill is my favourite overall, and I certainly think he is the more well-rounded character and the biggest threat to the quest. Still, there’s no denying that Lissard will always be a very memorable character, not least because of his striking appearance. What do you think, readers?