REMEMBER HER?

Series 8. Level 1/3.

STILETTA

This very sassy and unarguably sexy warrior thief was played by Joanne Heywood, who is surely everyone’s favourite Knightmare actress, whether or not they admit it. Stiletta, in her skimpy brown costume and with her large broadsword and slick throwing-knives, was frequently encountered in level one during the final series.

Stiletta was useful for information and combinations. She followed her own warrior thief code of conduct, and would only help dungeoneers in their quest if she thought they deserved her help according to the rules of the code. Richard, of course, discovered this to his peril in the first episode of the series. I don’t want to hash over the entire farcical quest again, but I will say that Stiletta’s code dictated that she would only owe Richard a favour if he returned something to her which, of course, he didn’t.

Stiletta frequently used the Short Cut to reach Marblehead and steal items from Lord Fear, such as the ring that she gave to Daniel to disintegrate skeletrons. For this reason, it was Stiletta who was able to help Dunston find the Short Cut in the Corridor of Blades, this time in exchange for the return of her knife, which Dunston and friends had, fortunately, had the foresight to pick up. (Scroll clue: Her blade is missing!)

I don’t want to labour this point, but Stiletta’s easiness on the eyes cannot go unnoticed. Male dungeoneers and characters alike succumbed to her charms, as both Richard and Daniel have admitted in interviews and guestbooks over the past ten years. In terms of characters, Motley was the obvious choice to be Stiletta’s main admirer, and it seemed that he rose to the occasion very well: ”Stiletta’s the name… she’s a smashing piece of work! Trouble is, she ain’t got no time for me, more’s the pity.” – Motley. This did indeed seem to be true, although Stiletta did, in the end, consent to go on a quest to Marblehead with Motley to raid Lord Fear’s bullion chamber. Of course, that’s another story.

However, Motley was not the only character to take a fancy to Stiletta. Even Lord Fear, for all his dry and scathing remarks about matters of love, seemed to have taken something of a shine to Stiletta: ”She’s got about two dozen throwing knives, long legs, and other striking features.” – Lord Fear. Of course, Fear did find Stiletta’s constant raids on his palace annoying, and even tried to have Raptor kill her at one point, but I guess that proves that love really does hurt.

So, Stiletta was usually friendly and often very useful, and undoubtedly her merits are wide and varied. Yet she was certainly not a girl you’d want to get on the wrong side of; having earned all three of her warrior thief levels “the hard way” Stiletta was clearly a skilled and dangerous opponent who, despite her apparent ditziness and brusque yet cheerful manner, would stand no nonsense from anyone.

Fear Factor: 4 Very strident, and those knives were menacing enough.

Killer Instinct: 1 A stray blade could have been nasty.

Humour Rating: 2 Mostly stringent and down-to-Earth.

Oscar Standard: 9 Joanne Heywood has something for everyone.