CLASSIC QUEST

Series 8

Quest: The Crown.

Dungeoneer: Dunston Roberts.

Advisors: Alan, Alex and Oliver.

Home town: St. Albans, Hertfordshire.

Team score: 6 out of 10.

How could I have neglected this one for so long? The winning team from series 8 certainly brought a memorable – if not entirely satisfying – end to Knightmare.

Level One: The quest begins in the dwarf tunnels. After hurrying through, past a few snapdragons, Dunston enters the clue room. Through the spyglass, Lord Fear and Lissard reveal that time is running short for a quest to win through, and the only hope for Dunston’s victory lies in taking the Short Cut, which Stiletta has apparently been using to carry out raids on Marblehead. Fear instructs Lissard to send Raptor to silence Stiletta before Dunston can get to her. Treguard then explains that the Short Cut is a way from level one to level three via the Corridor of Blades. From the clue table, the team choose a red key and a green knife, leaving behind a jester’s folderol. Despite having taken one incorrect object, the quest continues in the next chamber. Motley is trying unsuccessfully to amuse Smirkenorff with a few jokes, so Dunston tells a corker(!) of a joke that Motley can use in his act:

Dunston: ”Why did the dragon cross the road?”

Motley: ”I dunno.”

Dunston: ”To get his pension.”

Motley: ”But I don’t get it.”

Dunston: ”Neither did the dragon; he wasn’t sixty-five.”

Pretty lame, I’m sure you’ll agree, but it was enough to evoke a tremendous laugh from Smirkenorff. Dunston explains that he is looking for Stiletta, and Motley agrees to help him find her. The jester shows the dungeoneer to Stieltta’s room, where she is hiding under a cloak of invisibility. Once Motley has left, Stiletta reveals herself to Dunston. (Lucky chap!) Once he has warned her to be on the lookout for Raptor and has returned her green knife to her, Stiletta tells Dunston that the entrance to the Short Cut is in Fireball Alley, and he can find it with the Reach wand.

In the next room, Dunston finds himself – conveniently enough – in Fireball Alley. The advisors just about manage to direct him into manoeuvring the wand to reveal a doorway between the fireballs’ paths, which Dunston is then directed over to. A quick dash through the Corridor of Blades follows and – despite some very near misses – Dunston makes it out the other side.

Level Two: Erm…

Level Three: In Linghorm, Dunston has to walk through some passages until he reaches a clue room. During a spyglass sequence, Lord Fear and Lissard discuss Bhal-Shebah’s magical transformation into the much more reliable Firestorm of Marblehead, and Fear mentions that the red dragon is on its way to Linghorm in order to destroy the great tower, and the sorceress Maldame with it. From the clue table, Dunston picks up a lantern and a bottle labelled Palladin. A meeting with Maldame follows soon after, and Dunston warns her to be on the lookout for the red dragon’s attack. Maldame uses her powers to get Dunston straight on board the Golden Galleon, which is sailing for Marblehead.

After escaping from some miremen through a trapdoor, Dunston meets Motley and Stiletta. The pair are on their way to raid Lord Fear’s bullion chamber, and in return for Dunston’s lantern so that they can see their way, Motley hands over the key to the quest chamber and Stiletta reveals the combination for the rune lock. Once he has disembarked from the ship, Dunston uses the rune lock combination to enter Marblehead. He is chased around the passages by a mire trog, and then he meets Snapper-Jack. Despite some initial confusion, the team score three out of three, and progress to the last-but-one chamber.

Treguard explains that Dunston needs to use the wand to open the door at the far end, which it will be able to do because of the key in the knapsack: ”Your wand is magic and it will recognise the key you hold.” – Treguard. Eventually the door is opened, and Dunston rushes past the falling fireballs and enters the quest chamber. Here, Hordriss is imprisoned in a body-cage made of large bones, and Lord Fear turns up to put a few fireballs in the works. By uncorking the palladin bottle, Dunston turns into an armoured warrior and chases Lord Fear right out of the chamber! ”That’s not a warrior spell, is it? That’s a palladin spell.” – Lord Fear.

Using the Reach wand, Dunston releases Hordriss and the pair of them escape from Marblehead through a very spacious sewer pipe. Hordriss and Dunston return to the antechamber as everyone celebrates the victory, and Hordriss conjures up the frightknight trophies for the winning team to take home with them. And I could say more, but perhaps it’s best just to leave it there for now.

Summary: Well, I can’t deny that it was a winning quest. Indeed, the team weren’t bad at all, but they shouldn’t necessarily have been winners either.