Trade in the Old for the New

By Richard Temple

Skarkill and his reinforced party once again approached the Grimwold shack. The Goblin Master could see Julius Scaramonger still sitting in the front garden, miserably washing clothes, and now that old hag Mrs. Grimwold was standing guard over him. Skarkill looked back at his hunting party, which now consisted of the goblin brothers Grippa and Rhark, as well as Sylvester Hands.

  “Right, do you all remember the plan?” Skarkill asked the motley group of villains he had assembled.

  “Oh, yeah, I remembers what I has to do,” Sly Hands said eagerly, while Grippa and Rhark just nodded and jabbered in their own goblin tongue.

Skarkill, Hands and the goblins made their way down to the cottage. Mrs. Grimwold saw them coming.

  “Don’t you ever learn, dearies?” she shouted. “CLEAR OFF BEFORE I SETS FESTUS ON YER AGAIN!”

  “Here, don’t you talk to opposition mina… mini… to Opposition people like that, you old hag!” Hands snapped at Mrs. Grimwold.

  “Look, witch, we are taking the trader now,” Skarkill stated, “and neither you nor that two-headed flea-ridden mutt are going to stop us!”

Mrs Grimwold simply turned and yelled, “FESTUS!”

Once again the hellhound came bounding out of the house to aid his mistress. He ran at Hands and Skarkill, intending to make them his new chew toys.

  “What now?” Sly asked nervously.

  “You pet him, Hands, that’s what!” Skarkill said harshly, as he pushed Hands towards the waiting Festus.

Hands yelled in fright as the vicious dog’s two jaws bit into his tattered old cloak, but then something strange happened. Festus stopped, his two noses started twitching, and then his faces turned a shade of green. He let go of Hands and started coughing and spluttering, then the hellhound keeled over, unconscious.

  “FESTUS! What’s wrong? Speak to Mummy!” Mrs. Grimwold ran over to her stricken pet.

  “I think he disagreed with something he ate,” Skarkill laughed coldly. “Sly Hands’s clothes haven’t been washed for goblin’s years. The smell is enough to make anyone pass out, even two-headed monster dogs. LOVELY!”

Mrs. Grimwold made an angry lunge for Skarkill, but Julius, who had been sitting quietly during this whole episode, stuck his foot out and tripped her up. THUD! Mrs. Grimwold hit the path hard.

  “Oops, how clumsy of me! I’m very, very sorry, Mrs. Grimwold,” Julius sneered at the fallen hag.

  “Good one, Scaramonger,” Skarkill approved. “Right, Hands, quick! Tie them up with that magic rope of yours before they come to, while I tell his Lordship that the job’s done.”

While Hands busied himself tying Mrs. Grimwold and Festus together with his magic rope, Skarkill activated his spyglass.

  “Can you hear me, yer Fearship… er, Lordship?” asked Skarkill.

Back in Marblehead, Lord Fear answered, “Better than I would like to, Skarkill. I assume you’re calling to report your success in acquiring Julius Scaramonger for me? If not… Bhal-Shebah’s just found a new chew toy!”

  “Oh no, I got him, yer Lordship!” Skarkill reported proudly. “Everything’s… LOVELY! I was just wondering what you wanted me to do now.”

  “Wondering what I wanted you to do?” Lord Fear boggled. “BRING HIM BACK HERE, YOU ONE-EYED MORON! What do you think I want you to do? Take him boozing at The Mad Cow? And that, for clarification, was sarcasm, not an instruction! Bring Scaramonger back here at once! I’ll have Honesty Bartram meet you at the edge of the Forest of Dunn - we’ll need that grotty little peddler as well. Well, go on - GET ON WITH IT!”

  “Right, yer Fearship… er, Lordship.” Skarkill broke communication with Lord Fear, and then he, Hands, Scaramonger and the two goblins set off, unaware of the hulking figure who was hidden in the bushes across the road. He had seen and heard everything, and he now stepped out on to the dirt track behind the Opposition party.

  “Ah, so both traders are to meet at the Forest of Dunn, eh? Well, the Atlantian will be there to greet them!” With that, the giant thug set off towards the Forest of Dunn, but he took a slightly quicker route.

Well, it looks like the scene is set for the final encounter. Will Lord Fear’s plan to combine Honesty Bartram and Julius Scaramonger finally succeed, or will the Atlantian carry out Maldame’s grisly wishes? Read the fifth and final chapter of Trade in the Old for the New next time, and your curiosity might just be satisfied.