ADVENTURE TIME

In this age of heroes, the score is Dungeon 11, Humans 5. Today, we join dungeoneer Cameron at the start of level two.

Cameron is standing in a blue cave, where Motley is balancing on a wooden platform in a heroic pose. When he sees the dungeoneer, the jester springs into action.

  “Ay oop, Helmet Head,” Motley says jovially, as he leaps onto the floor just in front of Cameron. “Looks like you’re in over your head – that is, you’re in level two, but you don’t stand much chance of keeping the aforementioned vital body part for too long. I can help, though, if you give me the benefit of your wits, such as they are. What’s your name?”

  “Cameron,” the dungeoneer obliges him.

  “Okay, Cameron, here’s the deal,” Motley explains. “You provide me with a fresh joke for my act – well, what’s left of it – and I’ll provide you with the information you need to survive in level two. Bargain?”

The advisors tell the dungeoneer to agree to this proposal. Cameron has plenty of jokes in his repertoire (unlike Motley) and gives voice to one.

  “What’s the difference between a deciduous tree in the winter and a steam engine in the morning?” Cameron asks.

  “I don’t know,” Motley obliges him.

  “One sheds is leaves,” Cameron elaborates, “and the other leaves its shed!”

  “Yes, very good,” Motley approves, as he smiles slightly to himself. “Reminds me of something I heard from one of you lot about seventeen years ago. Okay then, a deal’s a deal; listen carefully, now. A choice awaits you on this level, and you must avoid danger as you make it. The third step is the hiccup.”

With that, Motley leaps back onto the wooden platform and resumes his statuesque pose. The advisors direct Cameron out of the room, into the familiar surroundings of Merlin’s throne room. Cameron teeters at the edge of the deep pit, opposite the wooden throne.

  “Come on, team, you don’t need me to tell you what to do here, I’m sure!” Treguard exclaims. “You have all the information you need to take the right steps across the pit.”

Cameron sniffs loudly, coughs hoarsely, and then imitates a hiccup rather expertly in order to create a safe path. When he steps on the magic symbol, Merlin crashes into the picture.

  “Dear, dear, you don’t sound at all well,” he chuckles in amusement. “Still, let’s see if we can’t make you feel a bit better. I seek two truths from you, Cameron, and here is the first. Is the terrapin a reptile or an amphibian?”

  “A reptile,” says Cameron.

  “Truth accepted,” Merlin smiles warmly. “Here is the second. Is the caracal a dog or a cat?”

The team discuss this for some moments. One of the advisors is fairly certain that the caracal looks like a lynx, so Cameron decides to take a chance.

  “A cat,” he answers.

  “Truth accepted,” Merlin says again. “Well done, Cameron. As your reward, I gift you with the spell FIRE. It’s up to you how and when you use it, of course, but I advise you to consider your choice very carefully. Now, farewell, and good luck.”

Merlin disappears in another flash of lightning, and the advisors direct Cameron out of the room. He emerges onto a narrow wooden bridge over an eerily lit vale, where the face of Mogdred hangs menacingly above him.

  “Welcome, Cameron,” the fiend’s voice echoes ominously. “It’s a pleasure to meet you at last. I saw your impersonation of me earlier, and I must say it was very good. Seeing as you seem to be so fond of me, how about taking this chance to pledge yourself and your endeavors permanently to me alone?”

  “No,” Cameron replies firmly.

  “No?” Mogdred queries in mock surprise. “Perhaps, then, you did not impersonate me out of respect and admiration, but rather as a way of mocking my power? This does not please me, Cameron. I’ll be keeping my eye on you; you can count on that.”

Mogdred’s image melts away to peals of echoing laughter.

  “Don’t let him faze you, team, for you have the weapons you need to survive this level,” Treguard encourages them. “I just hope you’ll have the sense to use them properly. Hurry on now.”

Cameron is directed across the bridge and through the door. He emerges into a room where two blocks of ice are sitting in the middle of the floor, each with a large gemstone inside it. There is a red stone on the left and a green stone on the right. The team work out that this is the choice of which both Motley and Merlin have spoken. After several minutes’ discussion, they opt to release the red gem. Cameron in directed to stand in front of it.

  “Spellcasting:” declares the spellcaster. “F-I-R-E!”

The firestone is released at once, and Cameron picks it up.

  “Well, you’ve made your choice now, team,” Treguard remarks nonchalantly. “Don’t wait on.”

The advisors direct Cameron out. In the next chamber there is a large wooden table, on which Elita is sitting in a sulky pose.

  “Oi, face-ache!” she scowls. “Get lost, will you? I’m busy.”

The advisors fail to understand exactly what Elita is busy doing, but they realise that they must win her favour if they are to get any help out of her. In the absence of anything else to try, they instruct Cameron to offer the firestone to Elita.

  “What would I want with that, then?” the elf maid sneers.

  “I don’t know,” Cameron shrugs. “Can’t you give it to Smirkenorff?”

  “Oh, Smirky hardly speaks to me nowadays,” Elita tells him. “Besides, he prefers dragon mints – firestones tend to give him bad gas. Now, if you’d offered me a lovely green arken stone then I would have been only too pleased to give you a hand, but I’m afraid I’m just not interested in that firestone today.”

Elita returns to her thoughts. The advisors direct Cameron out without much enthusiasm. He finds himself in the Great Corridor of the Catacombs, where all four doors are locked with large golden keyholes.

  “Oh dear, team,” Treguard chuckles, “you appear to have reached a dead end.”

There is a flash of lightning and Mogdred is standing in the centre of the corridor. He smiles and laughs evilly at Cameron.

  “Well, well, your amusing impressions aren’t going to get you out of this one!” Mogdred declares. “You’ve been sailing a friendly course so far, Cameron, but now you’re well and truly in the drink!”

Mogdred raises his arms in a gesture of power, just as the screen goes black and the Dungeon bell sounds once again.

  “Well, team, Motley did warn you to make your choice carefully, but you obviously didn’t listen to him,” Treguard tells the advisors reprovingly. “Even Merlin and I tried to encourage you to remember Motley’s words, but I’m afraid you failed to do so. You were warned to avoid danger, which means you should have left the red stone where it was. Spellcasting: D-I-S-M-I-S-S.”

The Dungeon now leads 12-5, but who shall be next to pick up the gauntlet? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Adventure Time.