MESSAGE FROM ME

Welcome to issue 51 of The Eye Shield. We start today with a small admin notice. It always goes without saying that Nicholas has done an absolutely fantastic job over the past nine-and-a-half years of creating and maintaining the Knightmare website; I still remember well that magical Saturday back in May 1999 when I first visited the site (it was my first time ever online) and knew that I had found something very special.

Inevitably, things move on as time goes by, and as I’m sure we’re all aware, Nicholas is able to find very little spare time to devote to the website nowadays. Consequently, when a new issue of TES (like this one) is uploaded, there may be a small delay before a link appears in the “Updates” section of the front page. However, rest assured that TES will be available on the first day of every other month (January, March, May, July, September and November) even if it doesn’t appear to be when you first visit the site.

To access TES, go to the relevant section of the forum and click on the topic devoted to the new issue, which will contain a link to the front page. You don’t have to be a forum member to find and use the link, remember – it’ll be in the dedicated TES section, just waiting within the brand new post for the brand new issue.

There, I hope that’s all nice and clear. While we’re on the subject of links, here’s one for you: www.freewebs.com/ravenseyemag If you’re a fan of Raven, the excellent CBBC gameshow that has occasionally been mentioned very briefly in previous issues of TES, you really should check out The Eye Shield’s new sister fanzine, The Raven’s Eye. This monthly online Raven extravaganza is written by none other than Knightmare fan, Raven enthusiast and avid TES reader Ross Thompson. Although I myself can justifiably claim some credit for the idea of spawning The Raven’s Eye, the magazine is entirely Ross’s baby, and as I’m sure you’ll agree, it really is brilliant! For in-depth analysis of Raven’s past, present and future, plus (this month) an exclusive interview with series 7 runner-up Hanso, check out The Raven’s Eye. Are you prepared? Then go!

Do you ever find yourself wondering just which issue of TES contains a Remember Him? about your favourite character, or a Creature Feature about your all-time favourite monster? If so, The Eye Shield Index is for you! Nestled comfortably within the TES section of the forum, this comprehensive list of references tells you exactly where to look for all your Knightmare character, creature, puzzle and team needs. Check it out!

Okay, so what’s in store for you in this issue? Well, you might like to take a look at my top ten sci-fi and fantasy shows. I’ve included details of several shows that I haven’t written about before in TES, although there are also a few old favourites of mine that you might recognise. If this gets you in the mood for another compendium of TV treats, check out the final installment of Liam Callaghan’s Kids’ TV Shows I Grew Up With, in which some of the mainstays of children’s television are examined in detail.

If you’re in the mood for a story, find out how Kevin and chums are getting on in Ian Down’s The Strangeness of the Walls, and then discover Rio’s grisly fate at the hands of the Opposition in the final chapter of Ricky Temple’s The Fastest Draw in the Dungeon. (Ricky informs me that there may be a sequel, so watch this space!) Also on the reader contributions front, Jim Waterman presents If My Memory Serves Me True, in which you might just discover that the human brain may not be as reliable as you’ve always thought. As ever, my sincere thanks go out to Liam, Ian, Ricky and Jim for their contributions – thanks for helping to make TES the best fanzine it can be, guys!

Before all that, of course, we take a look at some of the correspondence I’ve received from the weird and wonderful world of Knightmare fandom.

First and foremost, let’s have a quick word from Ross Thompson about issue 50.

Issue 50 was really good! I loved the end part of Poetry Corner and I’m pleased that Josh and team have conquered the Dungeon!

Ah, I knew that’d put me in a good mood! Cheers, Ross. Right, now let’s see what else we’ve got in the mailbag.

Here is something from Christopher Lunn.

Having just finished reading issues 49 and 50 of The Eye Shield, I thought I would finally lend my memories and comments to your excellent online magazine. I came into Knightmare quite late, having been just three when it started back in 1987. My earliest memories are of series 4; Knightmare was one of my favourite shows from this point until its original cancellation.

I had, to be honest, forgotten all about Knightmare until about two years ago, when I stumbled upon this website. Hours of pleasure ensued as I viewed the information on the site and in The Eye Shield. I have since watched as many repeats as I can on Challenge.

Despite my fondness for the later series, I have since realised how good the first three series were. The introduction of the eye shield was detrimental to the show, and the later series go at a much slower pace, although I do think that Lord Fear was better than Mogdred.

Just to add my vote to the ongoing Motley/Folly debate, I think Motley was the funnier and more interesting character, and - along with Sylvester Hands - was Paul Valentine’s best character.

Great to hear from you, Chris. I remember the first time series 4 was on, I was struck by how few rooms they’d managed to get through in the first episode, which I found a bit disappointing at the time, despite my subsequent fondness for this series. There certainly cannot be any denying that the eye shield did waste a lot of potential game-playing time, particularly in series 4 and 5. However, I do quite like the kind of epic atmosphere it created, making each quest seem like a more tangible journey from beginning to end. I think on the whole, though, I prefer the mysterious, unknown atmosphere of the early years – even I cannot deny that series 4 is a bit samey in places.

Another vote there for Motley as the better character. I think the main reason for the popular opinion on this is that Motley had so much more time to develop and endear himself to viewers than Folly did, and seeing as Folly was confined solely to two series where individual characters were given virtually no opportunity for any depth or development, thanks to the style of the early gameplay, I’m beginning to wonder whether it’s really fair to compare him to Motley at all… still, at the end of the day, there can be no denying the fact that they were both jesters!

After reading last issue’s Kids’ TV Shows I Grew Up With by Ricky Temple, Liam Callaghan was moved to write the following passage.

Ricky Temple mentioned The Smoggies - I used to love that one too! I can’t remember much in terms of whole episodes, but I remember all the characters, the distinctive hairstyles of the Suntots, and the dimwitted Smoggies themselves. I think Polluto was my favourite; I seem to remember he ate coal! I always felt kind of sorry for him, and Clarence to some degree - I had the impression that neither of them really wanted to be there, but they couldn’t say no to Emma.

I also remember Tugs! The article has just made me look it up on the Internet Movie Database to see who did some of those voices - I see it was narrated by Patrick Allen, who also narrated the first Blackadder series! Now I read that, it does ring a bell, that voice!

It’s great how we all remember these childhood shows with such fondness. As I’ve said before, I have serious doubts that modern youngsters will remember today’s shows in the same way because there are SO MANY OF THEM and they’re on ALL THE TIME. I guess only time will tell…

Jim Waterman considers the fairness of three Knightmare deaths.

Overall, I have little sympathy for Simon’s team (series 3). They made a near-catastrophic left/right mistake in the bomb room; Simon seemed reluctant to move when Mr Grimwold was chasing him, even when he was shouted at loudly; there was another left/right near-disaster on the ledge when they needed the candle; and, finally, when the plunge off the cliff came, they had only just checked his position and direction, so they should have known not to take him so far forward.

Considering the first lot from series 2 (Martin’s team), two out of three with Olgarth would have been enough for any other team to reach level two, but in this case a perfect score was essential to avoid getting blasted to bits in level one! Considering that Scott and friends (series 3) made it into level two with only one correct answer, is that justice?

Here we have the familiar and ticklish problem of just how unfair Knightmare was on certain teams at certain times. Of course, we don’t know how many little mistakes these teams had made and been let off, so we can’t really judge them in the same way as Tim Child and the production team did at the time.

I think the main reason that Simon’s team was slightly weak was that they were so young and nervous, but I still think they should have been given a more reliable way to check Simon’s position with that amulet of invisibility, in very much the same way that Steven had his gauntlet in series 2.

Poor old Martin and friends did find themselves being used as guinea pigs for series 2, though, didn’t they? Two correct wall monster questions earned them the password for level one instead of an object clue, which was what they really needed. Fortunately, although not for Martin, this rather unfair new aspect of the game had disappeared by the third quest of the series.

Now, if you’re experiencing Knightmare QI withdrawal symptoms, you’ll enjoy this next bit:

1. What is the proper name of the weapon carried by the Automatum?

Correct answer: A flail.

Cliché: A morning star.

Explanation: I myself have been guilty of using this term incorrectly several times, but technically, a morning star doesn’t have a chain joining the handle and the spiked ball – it’s just a stick with a spiked ball on top of it. The Automatum carries a flail, which does have a chain.

2. Which character personally killed the most dungeoneers?

Correct answer: Lillith.

Clichés: Mogdred, Lord Fear.

Explanation: Neither Mogdred nor Lord Fear was ever very keen on the personal touch – the outright winner for the character with the most victims is Lillith, who killed three dungeoneers during her two-series run; namely Mave (episode 102), Akash (episode 207) and Anthony (episode 214).

3. Which is the only team to have the advisors as well as the dungeoneer physically affected by the circumstances of their death?

Correct answer: Chris I (Team 3 of Series 2).

Cliché: No particular cliché.

Explanation: When Medusa turned Chris to stone, he was powerless to stop her, as he had no magic shield with which to defend himself. On this occasion, his advisors also turned to stone, leading to Treguard’s cringeworthy pun about getting a “stony” silence from them.

4. Which dungeoneer is the first to find a scroll on a clue table?

Correct answer: Tony (Team 5 of Series 2).

Cliché: Sarah (Team 3 of Series 5).

Explanation: Scrolls were commonplace throughout series 5-8, and Sarah was the first to read one in a clue room in order to help her choose a clue object. However, series 2’s Tony was the first to come across a scroll, in the level two clue room; he picked it up but did not read it, as per the instructions of the Oracle of Confusion, but unfortunately he neglected to pick up the gauntlet (quite literally, in this case), which eventually led to his downfall.

5. Which team is the first to choose their own quest object, rather than have it told to them?

Correct answer: Neil (Team 7 of Series 2).

Cliché: Helen II (Team 1 of Series 4).

Explanation: Series 4 was the first time that teams habitually chose their own quests, but there was one single instance of this taking place in series 1-3. Neil and friends were allowed to choose their own quest object by walking through a door bearing its symbol; they chose the Sword. Consequently, despite scoring only one with Granitas, the wall monster gave out an object clue in place of the identity of the quest object – cushy!

6. In the minecart’s first series 3 appearance, which character was available for giving the starting push?

Correct answer: McGrew.

Cliché: Motley.

Explanation: Motley and McGrew were the only ones who ever pushed the minecart, and Motley was the first one to actually do it (with Leo), but the minecart had already appeared once before in series 3 by this stage, with Cliff in the third episode. On this occasion, McGrew was handy to flex his mighty muscles for a bit of pushing, but as we know, the team scuppered their chance to earn his help and died as a result.

7. In series 4, which dungeoneer is the first to release Gundrada from the stocks?

Correct answer: Simon III (Team 4 of Series 4).

Cliché: Alistair (Team 2 of Series 4).

Explanation: Simon was actually the first and only dungeoneer to release Gundrada from the stocks, as the other two times when she was trapped, it was in the pillory!

8. What do these three characters have in common? HORDRISS, SMIRKENORFF, MELLISANDRE.

Correct answer: They did not speak during their first appearances.

Cliché: Anything to do with spellings of names, actors or numbers of series.

Explanation: These three characters had no lines during their first appearances on the programme – for Smirkenorff, it took an entire year to find his voice, while Hordriss and Mellie both made silent appearances in series 3 (during episodes 4 and 1 respectively) before returning in the next episode (in both cases) with some lines.

9. Which is the only winning team not to be pictured (or at least to have their dungeoneer pictured) in the end credits of the episode in which they won?

Correct answer: Barry’s (Team 7 of Series 7).

Cliché: Dunstan’s (Team 6 of Series 8).

Explanation: For whatever reason, Barry and friends are not immortalised at the end of the final episode of series 7. It may take Dunstan and friends a while to show up during the closing credits of Knightmare’s final episode, but they appear towards the end, as we see their portraits hanging in the Hall of Fame.

10. Who is the last dungeoneer to make use of a trapdoor?

Correct answer: Dunstan (Team 6 of Series 8).

Cliché: Rebecca (Team 5 of Series 8).

Explanation: Rebecca is the last dungeoneer to use a trapdoor to change levels, thanks to Dunstan’s affiliation with the Short Cut, but Dunstan falls through a trapdoor on board the Golden Galleon as he attempts level three, enabling him to escape from some miremen.

Rank	Name	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	Total
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8	Ross T HStorm Pooka Jim W Liam C Chris S Gehn L Joe G-J	4 2 3 4 10 2 4 2	4 3 2 0 4 4 3 2	4 3 2 4 4 4 4 3	4 0 2 1 1 4 2 4	0 4 1 1 3 10 10 4	3 4 4 4 4 4 4 4	4 2 1 1 2 10 10 10	0 4 3 0 3 4 4 3	4 4 2 3 3 4 4 10	4 3 3 2 4 4 4 10	31 29 23 20 18 10 9 -8

Congratulations to our new Knightmare QI champion, Ross Thompson! The fanzine Gods have rewarded you with this great honour for bringing The Raven’s Eye into being, Ross, so my sincere congratulations go out to you.

Again, I am very pleased with the level of response that this round has received. I hope all you Knightmare QI acolytes decide to enter again this time – excluding the author of the next round, of course – and so keep up the Knightmare QI phenomenon!

Speaking of which, here are the questions for the next round. These have been written by Liam Callaghan, who is keen to catch you all out, so be careful!

1. What does the following sequence represent? 19, 31, 39, 48, 55, 69.
2. Which was the least common quest object?
3. During which quest did Mellisandre first appear?
4. What was the most common contestant name?
5. What does this sequence represent? MA1, TA1, CR6, SH11, CR12, SW12, SH14, CR16.
6. What does this sequence represent? 3210, 3712, 4530, 0431, 3411, 0421, 0322, 1231.
7. What number did all the series 3 dungeoneers roll on the die?
8. Which method of changing levels had the longest lifespan?
9. Throughout all eight series of Knightmare, how many contestants died?
10. How many characters said “Enter, Stranger,” during Knightmare’s run?

As usual, four points are available for each question – one for supplying the correct answer, one for identifying the cliché, and two for any Quite Interesting supplementary information that is vaguely relevant to the question. E-mail your answers to the address at the foot of the page, or PM them to Eyeshield on the Knightmare Discussion Forum if you prefer, by Sunday June 22^nd 2008 and you could be the next champion of Knightmare QI. Wouldn’t that be something? Answers and results will be revealed in issue 52.

I’m still hungry for feedback, readers, so drop me a line to tell me what you think of TES, Knightmare or any other related subjects at the usual address: eyeshield2002@hotmail.com