Corbiss the Bemuser

For all the comedians out there.
Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Sat Aug 05, 2017 2:02 pm

Ridolfo, an old friend of Corbiss the Bemuser's, has become unpopular. With increasingly lewd lyrics and discordant singing, the Venetian troubadour is causing widespread offence. Corbiss is urged to condemn him, but seems reluctant to criticise the Venice wailer.

Meanwhile, the Dunwold Thump appears to have embraced his new servant Anthony Skaramonger (alternative spelling), awarding him a nickname: The Mun. It turns out that this is to make it easier for Thump to dispel him. Some allege that this was foreshadowed in his full name, which contains the letters AKASH RAM.

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:36 pm

Corbiss learns that Gretel has been having secret meetings across the Mireworld. She'd travelled there on the quiet, using a cart on a track system built by Atlantean miners. Having learned of this "Hiss Rail" trip, Corbiss orders Gretel - OK, asks Gretel very nicely - to return and explain herself.

Across the Dungeon Dimension, spyglasses are used to watch Gretel's dragon flight. Shortly before Corbiss dismisses her, the misguided maid tells him that she was simply trying to get a range of people to answer her question: "Do you think I'm Priti?"

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Sat Dec 02, 2017 6:09 pm

Corbiss the Bemuser has won admirers among the Queen Greystagg's Grey Sisters. For the latest edition of their regular chronicle, QG, they invite Corbiss to be their "coven star".

Corbiss and his entourage reportedly find the whole experience quite perplexing, displaying little in the way of good humour when faced with Heggatty's interview technique (which seems to involve repeated allegations that Corbiss is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous). Desperate to appeal to the disenchanted, Corbiss resorts to a joke about getting rid of his beard, leading to the headline 'Wit: shaven'.

Maldamay, meanwhile, is trying to deal with the Dunwold Thump. Three encounters with a talking raven from Albion Foremost have aggravated a pre-existing sickness and Thump is spewing poison from every orifice. He sends his own talking raven to squawk at Maldamay and to insist that the New World is doing just fine (as a fellow ogre stomps around outside his citadel with a loaded club).

Unwilling to waste time on Thump's raven, Maldamay withdraws to her neighbouring palace (which, in honour of a newly arrived dignitary, has been renamed Marklehead), giving only a distant irritated throat noise on behalf of the realm. The raven conveys this message to Thump: far cough.

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Tue Jan 30, 2018 12:35 pm

Corbiss the Bemuser is confronted at his allotment by the Norman inquisitor André Cauchemarr. There are awkward questions about when Corbiss stopped accepting gold from the Opposition to appear in its spyglass communications channel, known as Fear One. Corbiss responds by planting dragon's teeth and withdrawing in the ensuing alarm over a toothquake. They turn out to be false teeth.

Meanwhile, in a break from taunting the Mines of Gorea's "Stalagmite Man" over the size of his reach wand, the Dunwold Thump agrees to be interviewed too. His questioner, Morgan the Pious, starts with some easy true-or-false questions from Series 4 but gets only rants about how much the ogre hates falsehoods. Giving in, Morgan offers Thump a colonoscopy with his head.

Few people have noticed that within the Opposition is a growing threat rooted in centuries past. Unless Maldamay or Corbiss can stop this arcane power, all may have to look upon Moggrees and tremulate...

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Thu Mar 29, 2018 8:15 pm

In Series 3, a gargoyle asked a dungeoneer:

"On Salisbury Plain long years ago
Men raised a ring of standing stones
Stonehenge it's called, but where is found
The largest ring on English ground?"

According to legend, the men got hungry after raising the stones but didn't know what to do about it - so someone came along and opened a restaurant. Long years later and the restaurant, Zlissgath's, comes under scrutiny when two of its diners fall victim to poison.

The evidence leads to an Opposition-backed alliance of weeping doors and assassins, or 'Rassins' for short. The poison used is identified as Nolicrup, a reformulated wood preserver used only by Rassins. Winteria, the Mireworld and other lands dismiss dozens of Rassins. The talking quicksand of Banburn (which retains the voice of Gavin) bluntly tells the doors to shut up and the assassins to "GO AWAY!"

Corbiss the Bemuser, meanwhile, decides to give the Rassins the benefit of the doubt. He rides to Marblehead, clad in a silver crash helmet, to present the Opposition with a sample of the poison for them to conduct tests on with their usual openness and honesty.

As Corbriss returns, an image of him is caught by a spyglass, transmitted to a crystal ball and shared in a magic mirror by Elvan-Davis, bringer of news to knights. This image is understandably a tad distorted, but to Corbiss' acolytes it appears that the image has been deliberately tampered with to make his helmet look dented like Lord Fear's. There is uproar. Several trolls, typically emboldened by Corbiss, threaten to stage a naked protest wearing only hats.

For Corbiss, there is more to come. He is reminded that years ago, when a Level 2 wall monster was bricked up for spouting anti-elf rhetoric, he opposed the bricking up of this mural monstrosity. Corbiss replies that he didn't listen closely to the wall, even though it had a pretty loud echo. His supporters try to argue that the wall wasn't really being anti-elf: perhaps it was being anti-shelf.

Amidst deep concern from the elves, Corbiss hears that Medusa on Level 3 has been making anti-elf remarks and hurries off to face her. On the way, he is accidentally sat on by one of the larger trolls who is tired from protesting and wants to rest on the grass. While Corbiss extricates himself, he has time to consider whether Avebury is still the largest ring on English ground.

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Thu Apr 05, 2018 5:14 pm

Corbiss the Bemuser has spent an evening with elves. But it was a rogue group known as Elfire, distrusted for their denouncement of other elvish people as non-elves and their assertion that Elvandis should be "ironed out". Corbiss can't see what all the fuss is about. They even let him wear his hat.

Treguard, meanwhile, is trying to make his mind up about the Rassins. He doesn't know what to make of doors in general. One day he's a man keenly aware of their absence ("there's no door there, team"), the next he can't see when they are ludicrously overabundant (no comment that Series 7 episodes had one set of doors opening at the beginning and a different set closing at the end).

When Corbiss insists that the Knightmare lands have been too hasty in dismissing the Rassins and that relations should be restored urgently, Treguard gives in and attempts the unthinkable: he dispels DISMISS.

Instead of the Rassins being recalled, every dismissed Knightmare contestant is summoned back to the dungeon. En route, several are merged. For example, two dungeoneers from Series 2 and Series 7 become Akash Ram Barry, who is worshipped for everything he does while being mired in poor judgement and dogged by bad advice. He and Corbiss get on famously.

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Sun May 06, 2018 4:26 pm

Corbiss the Bemuser has been inspired by a performance from his favourite troupe of troubadours, the Absurd Lute Boys. As a show of power, he tries to banish the white from his hair. But despite having Hordriss as a brother, he can't seem to turn his barnet red.

Even using a handheld staff to focus on one patch of hair, Corbiss is unable to change a wand's worth. Rival mage Abel the Vincible, now confident enough to change his name back to Sir Vincent the Capable, has a chuckle at Corbiss' expense.

The Bemuser's acolytes continue hoping for the day when his glory will be conveyed by a lush, scarlet mane, but for some reason they are wary of communicating this dream. It's as if they don't trust the manes dream media.

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Mon May 28, 2018 3:40 pm

Drassil wrote:
Sat Apr 30, 2016 4:20 pm
Igneous becomes more and more outspoken. He claims he is still under the influence of the TRUTH spell cast on him in Series 2 but this does not lessen the offence he is causing. Corbiss the Bemuser is urged to act and, though he is fond of the wall monster's redness, he finally responds by turning Igneous into causeway blocks, hanging in the air. In other words, he suspends living stone.

The living stone has finally dropped out of sight. Corbiss the Bemuser consoles himself by proposing a fayre for all his followers: Corbicon.

The planning begins. Muck Doggerel suggests that as well as music, speeches and plainberry toasties, Corbicon could include games. The Series 3 die-rolling is out - it's already been claimed by Rubicon - so they go for combat chess. However, the bishop is unavailable because he is in the middle of a yearlong sermon about love being powerful. (Remember in Series 4 Quest 2 when the spell ADORE was followed by the spell SLOW? It's a bit like that.) Instead they offer combat backgammon. Unfortunately, many of Corbiss' acolytes hear "gammon" and refuse to come.

Corbiss isn't worried though. Diane the Abbess has been counting the ticket sales and assures him they've sold over three million.

And yet Corbiss' own niece Sidriss hasn't bought one. She also turned down a free one. On a visit to swipe some of her Brain Pills, Corbiss asks Sidriss why. She replies that she will only be seen at the classiest conventions. Corbiss, who mishears her, assures her that Corbicon will most certainly be classist.

The outlook worsens. Only one speaker agrees to be involved, but he won't travel. That speaker is the talking bird from Series 3, also known as Corvid the Accuser.

Corbicon ends up being a handful of people in a dingy Level 2 room with bird poo down the sides - Corbiss, who is oblivious to foulness on walls, doesn't notice - listening to a large crow repeatedly ask Corbiss a rhetorical question about the identity of a stupid boy. The event is hailed as a triumph.

Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2141
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Corbiss the Bemuser

Post by Drassil » Mon Aug 27, 2018 10:21 am

The dungeon is reeling after a visit from the Dunwold Thump. Queen Maldamay has cast every known cleansing spell on her hand. She gets rid of the gift left by the New World ogre: a set of metal clubs he uses for hitting balls, or golf as it's known. (Treguard was forced to play golf with Thump and to see him leaning too far forward while positioning a ball, prompting the remark "Ooh, arse/tee.")

Meanwhile, Corbiss the Bemuser attends a picnic with some of his comrades. It takes place near a memorial to dungeoneers who fell from Play Your Cards Right. It's later pointed out that a goblin and a troll fell there too. Was Corbiss honouring them? And why was a cavernwraith spread out for use as the picnic blanket?

Elita confronts Corbiss and demands answers. He insists that although he was present when the wraith was laid, he wasn't actually involved. As the questioning continues, Corbiss rolls his eyes, which some take as a prediction of where his life force clock is heading. In fact he rolls his eyes so much that his face begins to ache. Elita revels in the irony, which surprises Corbiss because he didn't think that elvish people could grasp irony.

"No, beanbrain, it's iron we can't grasp," says Elita. "And there's even ways round that." So saying, she puts on a pair of gloves and swings a golf iron at him.

Post Reply