Slash (parody of Flash); Life Force Pie (parody of American Pie)

[Drassil]

Based on Flash by Queen. Music video

Slash! Aa-aah
Saviour of the catacombs
Slash! Aa-aah
Bloodstains all the Dungeon rooms

"Seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinarily slow quests." ("What's happening, Slash?") "Only Merlin, formerly at Camelot, has provided any explanation."

Slash! Aa-aah
It's the best of swords

"This afternoon's unprecedented Christmas party is no cause for alarm."

Slash! Aa-aah
Killer of the goblin hordes
It's for every one of us
Stabs for every one of us
It skewers with a mighty gash
Every Hun, every ogre, every dwarf
With a mighty slash

"General Bony-Face, Slash Gundrada approaching."
"What do you mean, 'Slash Gundrada approaching'?
Open fire!
All levels!
Dispatch Goody and Malice, to bring back its scabbard!"

Slash! Aa-aah

"Gundrada's alive, live, live, live..."

Slash! Aa-aah
Could stab any one of us
Just a sword with a sword's cutting
It knows nothing but a sword
Not a club or flail
Always at Gundrada's side
Except when she's been jailed
Oh-ooh, Ooh-ooh

"Slash, Slash, I love you! But we only have fourteen minutes to save the Dungeon!"

Slash!

---

[The following originally posted on Saturday 11 March 2006, 02:17; now amalgamated with previous post]

Based on American Pie by Don McLean. Official audio

A long long time ago
I can still remember how that Knightmare used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
With Mellisandre Makepeace Perhappenstance
Then maybe I'd be happy for a while
But all its perils made me shiver
With every show that they'd deliver
Danger if you spied, yep
Or couldn't work out sidesteps
And I can't remember if I cried
When I saw a new thing they had tried
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Life Force died

So, why, why did we have Life Force Pie?
Tried to revel in the level
But the level was dry
And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh
Singin' this'll be the day that we die
This'll be the day that we die

Did you read the Book of Quests
Do you really think a pie is best?
Very few would tell you so
Maybe Hordriss and Merlin thought they'd see
When they pooled their senility
The worst thing they could add to make us cry "No!"
Well I know that you're in league with him
'Cause I saw you sharin' ERG and VIM
You both shaved off your beards
Man, I think you're really quite weird
There was a lonely middle-aged tavern monk
And a cauldron couldn't hold the drinks he sunk
'Cause he went out and got so drunk
The day the Life Force died
He started singin'

Why, why did we have Life Force Pie?
Tried to revel in the level
But the level was dry
And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh
Singin' this'll be the day that we die
This'll be the day that we die

Now it's twelve years since the Pie was shown
A change that most do not condone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang in a Dungeon scene
In an outfit that worked with bluescreen
In a voice that came to you and me
Oh, and while a monk was sitting down
A boy came by on quest for crown
The monk changed to a lizard
Due to a scheming wizard
And while Merlin brought in Christmas cheer
Old Mogdred was replaced by Fear
But all those changes seemed so mere
The day the Life Force died
We were singin'

Why, why did we have Life Force Pie?
Tried to revel in the level
But the level was dry
And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh
Singin' this'll be the day that we die
This'll be the day that we die

[Skipping the next two verses of the 'long version' of the original song, which hopefully you've guessed by now.]

I met a maid who knew the show
And I asked her if the Pie should go
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the bakery
And I said "I want that pie for tea"
But the man there said the Pie was here to stay

And in their homes the children screamed
Just 'cause two senile wizards schemed
But they had not intended
For Knightmare to be ended
And the hauntings I admire most
The pooka, sword and the while skull ghost
They caught a mine-cart for the coast
The day the Life Force died
And they were singin'

Why, why did we have Life Force Pie?
Tried to revel in the level
But the level was dry
And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh
Singin' this'll be the day that we die
This'll be the day that we die...

[Canadanne]

A long long time ago
I can still remember how that Knightmare used to make me smile...

I was listening to American Pie (one of my all-time favourite songs) on the radio and thinking there should be a KM parody of it, forgetting David had written one already. I've just re-read it and I really must congratulate you on its brilliance, far better than anything I could have come up with! Just a shame you didn't include all six verses!