Castle of Confusion (parody of Hotel California by the Eagles)

[Canadanne]

Parody of Hotel California by The Eagles. (I can't believe nobody's done this one before!)
Original lyrics | Audio

On a dark winter Friday
Schoolchildren prepare
Warm welcome, advisors
Conjured out of thin air

"Now the Helmet of Justice
To stop you losing your mind"
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to go in there blind

There I stood in the doorway
I heard the dungeon rules
And I was thinking to myself
There could be dragons or there could be ghouls

Then he turned to the portal
And he showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the castle of confusion
Such a LOVELY place (Such a lovely place)
Such a LOVELY chase
Plenty of doom at the castle of confusion
Any time that Fear (Any time that Fear)
Kills a dungeoneer

His magic's evil and twisted
He got the monsters he sends
He got a lot of pretty spiffy toys
So who needs friends

How he laughs as the Dreadnorts
Leave them all dead
Some choose to dismember
Some choose to behead

So I called up the jester
"Please help with the mine"
He said: "We haven't used that method here
Since 1989!"

And still those voices are calling
From far away
When you're stuffed 'cos a riddle wasn't right
You can hear them say...

Welcome to the castle of confusion
Such a LOVELY place (Such a lovely place)
Such a LOVELY chase
No winnin' the Cup at the castle of confusion
What an awful price (What an awful price)
For your bad advice

Mogdred on the ceiling
The entrance on the right
And he said: "Now I hold you prisoner here
With a catacombite!"

And in the antechamber
They're gathering their wits
We jab it with a lady's glove
But it just won't fall to bits

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before

Alas, this is Knightmare
They are programmed to attack
You can check out any room you like
But there's no turning back!