Dungeoneer (parody of Piano Man by Billy Joel)

[Drassil]

Next week marks the 10th anniversary of the song parody thread 'I had a silly idea...' and my participation in it. In honour of that, I have written this parody of Billy Joel's Piano Man.

It's half past four in the afternoon
The regular crowd's tuning in
They are watching Children's ITV
And they wait with a comical grin
They say, "Mum, can you get me a video
The other one's run out of room
I've got Knightmare to tape and the team's in a scrape
In some dark and deep catacomb."

Give me a quest, I'm the dungeoneer
Give me a quest tonight
Well I really don't want to be plunging 'ere
So make sure I step to the right

Now John... I mean Merlin's a friend to all
He gives me a spell or three
And he's slow to cast VIM, though I rather like him
And forgive him for Casper the Key
He says, "Beware that Mogdred's not killing you
Making skin flake away from your face.
Well I'm sure he'd join Hugo in pantomime
If we could get out of this place."

Now Paul plays the jester and vagabond
Who never had time for a bath
And he's talking with Mark Knight, who has bark and has bite
And probably will cross my path
And the greenwarden's practising archery
As the witches' queen sits on her throne
And the skeletron's clinking in boniness
While I barter with stinking old crones

Give me a quest, I'm the dungeoneer
Me and my friends, the guides
Well we're all in the mood for a corridor
Yes even with blades down the sides

It's a pretty good crew in the studio
The floor manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me
They'll be watching to see
To forget about life for a while
And the Dungeon's bursting with carnivores
And the Helmet is quelling my fear
And there's no turning back: I put bread in my sack
And say, "Time to sidestep out of here."

Give me a quest, I'm the dungeoneer
Give me a quest tonight
Though I know that I could get a pungent rear
If they get me reeling in fright