Knightmare.com

So - Welcome watchers of Illusion - to your very own Agony Uncle Column.
This is where I, myself, Lord Fear, answer all your questions, as you agonise over the future of Knightmare, and what the intervention of Google/Youtube portents.
Actually, now that I'm on it, so to speak, I'm having this portal renamed MeTube, in my honour.

So - ask away Old chums, and knowledge shall be yours. Not that Knowledgte is Power in this case, for I reserve that for myself.
Note that in my occasionjal absense, your requests may have to be answered by my secretary, Lissard.

Yours, your Mentor and Friend,

Lord Fear

Firstly, as it's my first opportunity to say this, thanks for creating Knightmare. I'm sure it's obvious how much the show means to all the members of this community.

*reels off some questions in a nervous and bumbling manner*:

You recently said you thought it best for KM to languish in its own deep, dark dungeon. Presumably you're actually very keen for it to make a return? If so, what would you see as the target demographic - would it remain a children's show, would it target 'first generation' fans etc.? Is this flexible depending on who commissions/pays for the show and what their own objectives are or do to have a firm idea of what a new KM should be?

Will the YouTube episode be indicative of what a new KM would be like or is it still free to go in various directions?

What do you think the chances are of a new series and would you be at the helm?

Greetings, your Lordship. Congratulations on your return to power.

I have a question about Maldame, and whether or not she was a conquest of yours. I should clarify. Did Firestorm of Marblehead vanquish her in the end? And if so, was she afforded a funeral at great public expense? Did Bumptious and the dwarves mourn the Iron Maiden, or did they give themselves over to a sing-along of Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead?

Lots of people are making noise about wanting this one-off episode being made into a full series.

To where should their voices be directed? Or is it sufficient that people are simply making some noise?

Just because you were once lucky enough to catch me on an off-day Mystara, doesn't mean you can indulge yourself with rhetorical questions. Rhetoeric, old thing, is my perogative!

Of course you and your lot have already done the business.
What greater sacrifice could any youngish person make than to waste one's youth hanging about on a previously obscure bulletin board for a major proportion of one's days on this planet?

Beware Mystara. It is Lissard's perogative to ask the bleedingly obvious questions to which I will inevitably know the answers, and if you persist you will just make him jealous.
And you wouldn't like the Old Newt when he's jealous.
Others will no doubt judge my latest sublime performance, and you and others will be best off awaiting that judgement.

In that case, your lordship, I shall simply encourage people to venerate you loudly and repeatedly and hope the right people take notice

And I seem to recall there being quite a few "off days"

How does it feel to be terrorising dungeoneers again after an extended time-out?

Have you made any great technological leaps in regards to the effectiveness of the Fireballs in the last 19 years?

Has Lissard's fish breath improved at all?

Is Treguard still out of his tiny miiiiiind?

Is your new, roomier helmet just a symptom of your ego becoming so inflated that your head has swollen to new heights? Er, m'Lord?

Feel like I've turned up to a fancy dress party wearing a tuxedo

By the way, I should admit to being one of ITV's minions these days. Have you a message for their powers that be?

Dear Malefact

How does it feel to be back? One simply rolls back the years and rolls all over the opposition. Also I missed the gloating bits.
As for my message to your new ITV masters?
Keep up the good work,
Keep weeding out all the tossers, bean counters and dysfunctional nonentities who've been running that failing empire for the past two decades and put younger brighter folk in their place. The improvements are beginning to show.
Anyway I prefer younger people. They make the best victims and they squeal more energetically when plunging to their fates.

LF

Malefact,

Can I please put in a request for a video of you giving that message to your ITV masters?

Dear Hstorm,

When one has a brain the size of a planet, one needs a helmet the size of a galaxy.
Not something I suspect you'd appreciate.
LF