As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,

I've got a little list - I've got a little list

Of society offenders who might well be underground

And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!

There's the pestilential dungeoneers who cannot spell out "SHROUD",

The skull-cap-wearing Daniel's team who shouted far too loud,

All children who get riddles right and floor you with 'em flat,

All ugly thieves who, offered rings, then tie you up like that,

And all advisors who on shouting, "Side-step left!" insist,

They'd none of 'em be missed - they'd none of 'em be missed!

*He's got 'em on the list - he's got 'em on the list;

And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed.*

There's the banjo-serenader called Ridolfo by his mates,

And th' inferior humourist - yes, Folly's on my list,

And the dreadful Adam Battersby whom everybody hates,

He never would be missed - he never would be missed!

Then the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone

All dungeon quests but this and all advisors but his own,

And the Series Seven tavern-wench who dresses like a tart,

And who doesn't think too often, though perhaps she ought to start,

And that singular anomaly the Knightmare novelist -

I don't think he'd be missed - I'm sure he'd not be missed!

*He's got him on the list - he's got him on the list;

And he don't think he'll be missed - he's sure he'll not be missed.*

And those monks - there's Cedric, Brother Strange and also Brother Mace

Who's perenially pissed - I've got them on the list.

That vain, depressed old gargoyle with its ever-changing face,

It never would be missed - it never would be missed!

And the ITV controllers who took Knightmare off our screens -

Yes, let Chapman die for ruining so many people's teens -

The Ice-Woman and Codsby and that faceless bore 'the Freeze',

And 'armourtrons' and 'bugs' and anybody else you please

Out of Virtually Impossible may go upon the list,

For they'd none of 'em be missed - they'd none of 'em be missed!

*You may put 'em on the list - you may put 'em on the list;

And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed.*