First off, the Halifax advert that was itself based on a song, 'Sex Bomb' by Tom Jones. No Howard Brown here, though, instead, Treguard reassures a nervous dungeoneer through the medium of song.

*I'm a dungeon master who's completely obsessed,

My helmet of justice, is bound to impress,

This knapsack for food, will, put you in the mood,

As, you make ready for your big quest.

Now you, probably think that it's a, forlorn hope,

With Fear watching you, through his telescope,

But say "Where am I?", and, without any fuss

You can rely on your advisors!

Knightmare, Knightmare, I know you want more,

I'll give you the Eye Shield as you walk through the door,

Knightmare, Knightmare, though I cannot deny,

Like most, you'll probably die.*

Christmas is coming up, and with it the famous Toys R Us song that's been around since at least 1989. Here's the Knightmare take on it, though...

*There's a magical place, we're on our way there.

With quests in their millions, all under one roof.

It's called "Knightmare Castle"!

Soon after Countdown, with mind-boggling tests,

Treguard and helpers make ready the Quests!

From ceiling to floor, traps, puzzles and maids

They've got Trials by Spikes, and Corridors of Blades!

"There's millions!" says Treguard, "All under one roof!".

It's called Knightmare Castle, Knightmare Castle, Knightmare Castle!*