Cocky dungeoneer, a real Flash Harry,

Does he do well,

Does he win,

Yes of course, and the Shield he doth carry,

Look out, it's Spider Barry!!!!

Here are a couple of verses based the old Spider-Man TV theme:

Brollachan, Brollachan

Does whatever Rik Waller can

Sits on walls, hungers lots

Quite appals, should be shot*

Look out! Here comes the Brollachan

[*Merely referring to an encounter between Rik Waller and a paintball gun on TV last year. I don't want the lawyers on my back...]

Maldame, Maldame

Does what Malice/Morghanna may

Spied throughout Series Eight

Vied for clout, came too late

Time out! Here comes the Maldame

Some more of these, then:

Nemanor, Nemanor,

See his name and you may guffaw,

Hear his voice, laugh some more,

See his hat and you're on floor,

Look out! Here comes the Nemanor.

Martin Toole, Martin Toole,

To the Watchers he's pretty cool,

Dodged a shark, spooked a guard,

Beetles question was far too hard,

Look out! Here comes the Martin Toole.

Smirkenorff, Smirkenorff,

Quite a bit bigger than a dwarf,

Didn't give many hints,

Stuck to flying and dragonmints,

Look out! Here comes the Smirkenorff.

Arken Shield, Arken Shield,

Collect the pieces and Fear'll yield,

Cast a spell, trap a lord,

Win a quest, get reward,

Look out! Here comes the Arken Shield.

Anglia, Anglia,

Second only to Shangri-La,

Thanks to them, we've KM,

It's la creme de la creme,

Hurrah! Here comes the Anglia.

Christmastime, Christmastime,

Scene of Merlin's most heinous crime,

Poor old Giles and his team,

Yuletide dented their self-esteem,

Look out! Here comes the Christmastime.

OPPOSITE, OPPOSITE,

Helped a team out a proper pit,

Poison turned safe and clean,

Life Force turned red to green,

Go on! Spellcast the OPPOSITE.

Spider-Majida

Treguard opened a bottle and freed 'er

Was a genie for all to see

Annoyed the hell right outta me

Look out! Here comes the Spider-Majida.

Wall monster with a touch of class.

Temper short,

Riddler's game,

Life force lost if you mock his name.

Look out! Her comes Spider-Granitas!

Knighty-fan, Knighty-fan,

Sits in a chair and shouts,

Tv crazed,

Eyes all glazed,

No DVD releases but they have a plan!

Look out, and run from, the Knighty-fan!

Manacles the man likes to fill.

In his irons,

You'll never be free.

Hear him cackle that it's "Luvly!"

Look out! Here comes Spider-Skarkill!

He only comes out at night,

Pointy teeth,

Scary eyes,

Probably not all that fond of pies,

Look out! Here comes the Spider-Catacombite!

P.S. I'm pretty sure that pig was real, not a toy, although I am very unreliable.

Would love to give Marta a kiss.

Red wizard,

White of hair.

Often gives Gundrada a scare.

Look out, here comes Spider-Hordriss!

nicest serving maid on telly

Hide and seek is her game

Bet you can't recall her full name!

Look out! Her comes Spider-Melly!

Technomancer with nasty leer,

Blabs his plans, scares his staff,

Gives the watchers a hearty laugh.

Look out! Here comes the Spider-Fear!

Spider-Folly, Spider-Folly,

Always laughing and ever jolly,

Patchwork clothes, green and red,

Jangling bells hang from his head.

Look out! Here comes the Spider-Folly!

Phoenixflame recently showed me a clip on YouTube for the new Simpsons movie, with Homer carrying a toy pig around and singing, "Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig..." to the 60's Spider-Man theme.

This got me wondering if we could do the same for Knightmare characters. So I've come up with a couple. (I know, I know. I said it was self-indulgent...)

"Spider-Mogdred... Spider-Mogdred...

Necromancer with cap on head.

Casts dark spells,

Makes hollow threats,

Sounds so strong he gives us the wets.

Look out, it's Spider-Mogdred!"

"Spider-Lissard... Spider-Lissard...

Atlantean who finds diction hard.

Cunning cad,

Adores Lord F,

But struggles to pronouce letter S.

Look out, it's Spider-Lissard!"

"Spider-Pickle... Spider-Pickle...

Big green elf with lots of freckles.

Leaps about,

At awkward times,

Describes the woods in badly-scanned, excessively embellished and heavily overprolonged rhymes*.

Look out, it's Spider-Pickle!"

"Spider-McGrew... Spider-McGrew...

Burly Scotsman on Level Two.

Cast a spell,

He might serve you,

But make him mad he'll cleave you in two.

Look out, it's Spider-McGrew!"

"Spider-Scott... Spider-Scott...

A team who made mistakes a lot

Jumped a gap,

Fell off the side,

I heard a silly noise as he died.

Look out, it's Spider-Scott!"

*Self-parody!

Anyone else got some? Please join in!