We're all going down a bladed corridor

No more safety for a scene or two

Stress and panic in the bladed corridor

If he says "Nasty!" after "Ooh"

Then our failure is true

We're going where the blades gleam brightly

We're going were the screen is blue

We know we must be spritely

Or our whole quest is through

Every Watcher loves the bladed corridor

Tension, shouting and then maybe "Phew!"

So we're going down the bladed corridor

It makes nightmares come true

For a scene or two

Help, I need the loo!

And here's my 'tribute' to Captain Nemanor, based on Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations:

Why are you such a bore (such a bore) Nemanor baby

You just sail around (sail around) and never find ground

And then worst of all (worst of all) a corridor maybe

Leads me to your ship (to your ship) - I'd rather be whipped

I hate you (I hate you) more than Birdseye or Janeway

I wish I could use a mine cart

What is more (what is more) Nemanor, your hat's a tart

I walked onto your deck and I thought, flipping heck

Where am I? Who is that imbecile? (ba-da-da)

Ridiculous beard and an accent so weird

It's not true - now you know how I feel

(Hey hey hey) baby baby, get a shave

Then go and find, your own astrolabe

(Hey hey hey) I've a quest

And it's not worth the stress

Working for you

(Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)

Why are you such a bore (such a bore) Nemanor baby

You just sail around (sail around) and never find ground

And then worst of all (worst of all) a corridor maybe

Leads me to your ship (to your ship) - I'd rather be whipped

I hate you (I hate you) more than Birdseye or Janeway

I wish I could use a mine cart

What is more (what is more) Nemanor, your hat's a tart

To you I'm a threat and I owe you a debt because I

Could be a stowaway (ba-da-da)

Elita's here too, I prefer her to you, can't you try

To please please go away?

(Hey hey hey) baby baby, get a shave

Then go and find, your own astrolabe

(Hey hey hey) I've a quest

And it's not worth the stress

Working for you

(Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)...

[The following originally posted on Saturday 11 February 2006, 22:57; now amalgamated with previous post]

Gundrada and Mellisandre's drinking song, in honour of their favourite pub; based on Girls Just Want to Have Fun as famously sung by Cyndi Lauper:

I get caught in a set of stocks

Old Hordriss just stands there next to Merlin and mocks

I know you think I'm just a sword-wielding cur

'Cause girls they want the Heifer

Oh girls just want the Heifer

I fall down in the middle of the floor

Old Treguard asks, "Don't you want to dodge those trapdoors?"

Oh, DM dear, you know I thought you'd infer

That girls they want the Heifer

Oh girls just wanna quaff-

That's all they really want

To drink on

When the questing day's over

Oh girls just want the Heifer

Oh girls just want the Heifer

Girls, they want the

Want the Heifer, girls

Wanna quaff-

Some boys take a beautiful maid

And show her the birds and the bees in Wolfglade

I wanna be the one to drink 'til I slur

Oh girls they want the Heifer

Oh girls just wanna quaff...