Slash! Aa-aah

Saviour of the catacombs

Slash! Aa-aah

Bloodstains all the Dungeon rooms

"Seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinarily slow quests." ("What's happening, Slash?") "Only Merlin, formerly at Camelot, has provided any explanation."

Slash! Aa-aah

It's the best of swords

"This afternoon's unprecedented Christmas party is no cause for alarm."

Slash! Aa-aah

Killer of the goblin hordes

It's for every one of us

Stabs for every one of us

It skewers with a mighty gash

Every Hun, every ogre, every dwarf

With a mighty slash

"General Bony-Face, Slash Gundrada approaching."

"What do you mean, 'Slash Gundrada approaching'?

Open fire!

All levels!

Dispatch Goody and Malice, to bring back its scabbard!"

Slash! Aa-aah

"Gundrada's alive, live, live, live..."

Slash! Aa-aah

Could stab any one of us

Just a sword with a sword's cutting

It knows nothing but a sword

Not a club or flail

Always at Gundrada's side

Except when she's been jailed

Oh-ooh, Ooh-ooh

"Slash, Slash, I love you! But we only have fourteen minutes to save the Dungeon!"

Slash!

[The following originally posted on Saturday 11 March 2006, 02:17; now amalgamated with previous post]

Based on American Pie by Don McLean. Official audio

A long long time ago

I can still remember how that Knightmare used to make me smile

And I knew if I had my chance

With Mellisandre Makepeace Perhappenstance

Then maybe I'd be happy for a while

But all its perils made me shiver

With every show that they'd deliver

Danger if you spied, yep

Or couldn't work out sidesteps

And I can't remember if I cried

When I saw a new thing they had tried

But something touched me deep inside

The day the Life Force died

So, why, why did we have Life Force Pie?

Tried to revel in the level

But the level was dry

And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh

Singin' this'll be the day that we die

This'll be the day that we die

Did you read the Book of Quests

Do you really think a pie is best?

Very few would tell you so

Maybe Hordriss and Merlin thought they'd see

When they pooled their senility

The worst thing they could add to make us cry "No!"

Well I know that you're in league with him

'Cause I saw you sharin' ERG and VIM

You both shaved off your beards

Man, I think you're really quite weird

There was a lonely middle-aged tavern monk

And a cauldron couldn't hold the drinks he sunk

'Cause he went out and got so drunk

The day the Life Force died

He started singin'

Why, why did we have Life Force Pie?

Tried to revel in the level

But the level was dry

And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh

Singin' this'll be the day that we die

This'll be the day that we die

Now it's twelve years since the Pie was shown

A change that most do not condone

But that's not how it used to be

When the jester sang in a Dungeon scene

In an outfit that worked with bluescreen

In a voice that came to you and me

Oh, and while a monk was sitting down

A boy came by on quest for crown

The monk changed to a lizard

Due to a scheming wizard

And while Merlin brought in Christmas cheer

Old Mogdred was replaced by Fear

But all those changes seemed so mere

The day the Life Force died

We were singin'

Why, why did we have Life Force Pie?

Tried to revel in the level

But the level was dry

And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh

Singin' this'll be the day that we die

This'll be the day that we die

[Skipping the next two verses of the 'long version' of the original song, which hopefully you've guessed by now.]

I met a maid who knew the show

And I asked her if the Pie should go

But she just smiled and turned away

I went down to the bakery

And I said "I want that pie for tea"

But the man there said the Pie was here to stay

And in their homes the children screamed

Just 'cause two senile wizards schemed

But they had not intended

For Knightmare to be ended

And the hauntings I admire most

The pooka, sword and the while skull ghost

They caught a mine-cart for the coast

The day the Life Force died

And they were singin'

Why, why did we have Life Force Pie?

Tried to revel in the level

But the level was dry

And them poor young boys were thinkin' their end was nigh

Singin' this'll be the day that we die

This'll be the day that we die...