Even before I suggested Perfect Day as a basis for the new song project, I had this parody in mind. Official audio

Just a Weeping Door

Can't break it or kick it down

Far more likely to wear a frown

Than show glee

Just a Weeping Door

Hope there's only one of you

Nope, there's one on Level Two

And on Three

Oh, it's such a Weeping Door

We hate you. True or false? True

Oh, such a creeping bore

Open up and let us through

We'll make toothpicks out of you

Just a Weeping Door

Spellbound and bound to whinge

With names to make us cringe

It's no fun

Just a Weeping Door

Made Pickle repeat himself

The mournfulness kept the elf

Paranoid, yeah*

Oh, it's such a Weeping Door

We hate you. True or false? True

Oh, scourge of Series Four

Open up and let us through

Or we'll seal your lips with glue

You're going to weep, just let me go

You're going to weep, just let me go

You're going to weep, just let me go [Repeated ad nauseam]

Oh, what a Weeping Door

*An in-joke which I hope people get, referring to a TV character who, as it happens, the Weeping Doors were not unlike.

[Originally posted Thursday 11 May 2006]

Treguard sees that the antechamber is empty apart from him, Pickle and the Eyeshield. So he decides to rap about it. Based on 'Me Myself And I' by De La Soul. Official video

Magic mirror on the wall

Tell me, mirror, what is weird?

Can it be my DM clothes

Or is it just my DM beard?

What I do ain't make-believe

People say I sit and try

But when it comes to being DM

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

Some may tease my Dungeon style

And my Dungeon MC raps

Some say I've looked like quite a stoner

I did not, that's pure claptrap

Always pushing that we've formed an image

There's no need to lie

When it comes to being Treguard

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

Proud, I'm proud of what I am

Poems I speak are DM type

Please, oh please, let Pickle be

Himself, though he's a silly sprite

Right is wrong when hype is written

On the Eyeshield, elf and me

Style is surely our own thing

Not the false disguise of TV

Knightmare Castle's here for keeps

And this fact I can't deny

Strictly from the antechamber

And from me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye

It's just me, my elf and Eye...

The rest of the lyrics are too silly to parody.

[Originally posted Friday 19 May 2006]

Ever wondered why Lillith left the Dungeon? Here's the answer, to the tune of Barry Mannilow's 'Copacabana'. The video can be found here.

Her name was Lillith, she was in Knightmare

With shiny whatnots in her hair

And her makeup set to scare

She would get bossy, and lay down causeways

And while she tried to make her mark

Mogdred waited in the dark

On Levels 1, 2, 3

Slew dungeoneers with glee

They were old but they had each other

Versus Po'ers That Be

At the Castle, Castle of Knightmare

Guaranteed to get a fright there

At the Castle, Castle of Knightmare

Dungeons with questing were always the best thing

At the Castle, they fell in love

His name was Hordriss, wore a medallion

And when he came to look around

Lillith made his old heart pound

After two series, he called her over

But he would not leave her alone

Mogdred sailed across the zone

And then the punches flew

And rocks were smashed in two

There was blood and a fork of lightning

But just who zapped who?

At the Castle, Castle of Knightmare

Some of the puzzles weren't quite fair

At the Castle, Castle of Knightmare

Dungeons with questing were always the best thing

At the Castle, she lost her love

Her name is Lillith, she was in Knightmare

But that was 19 years ago, when they used to have a show*

Now it's in VR, but not for Lillith

Still in the dress she used to wear

Faded tin-foil in her hair

She sits there so refined

And drinks herself half-blind

It was Merlin who'd zapped the others

And he lost his mind

At the Castle, Castle of Knightmare

Guaranteed to get a fright there

At the Castle, Castle of Knightmare

Dungeons with questing were always the best thing

At the Castle, don't fall in love

Don't fall in love

*Addendum 15/04/2018: 12 years later and it is now '30 years ago', as per the original line, since Lillith was on Knightmare.

Filking my life away so you don't have to.