I hear that there's a team on a new quest for the Cup. So here's a parody of a song for the occasion. The song is of course Three Lions (Football's Coming Home).

[Sound clips of pessimistic 'commentary' from Knightmare, e.g. Treguard discussing a losing team; in particular, soundbites which seem football-related, like Treguard telling Simon's team in S4 that manoeuvring wasn't their strong point, or Lord Fear saying "two-nil I think" when Team 2 of S7 dies.]

It's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming

Knightmare's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming

Knightmare's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming

Knightmare's coming home...

Everyone seems to know the gore

They've seen it all before

They just know, they're so sure

That Knightmare won't come back on TV

Won't be on DVD

I mean 'out legally'

But I remember

Three levels in the game

Hugo Myatt staring

Fridays aren't the same

Never stopped me caring

So many blades, so many spears

And losing dungeoneers

Wore you down through the years

But I still see the food on the ground

And when Ben won the Crown

Hear the spellcasting sound

And Barry's talking

Three levels in the game

Hugo Myatt staring

Twenty years of fame

Nothing stopped me caring

[Uplifting audio clips, e.g. Treguard/Merlin/Pickle praising a successful team.]

I know that was then

But it could be again

It's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming

Knightmare's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming

Knightmare's coming home

It's coming home

It's coming home...

[etc.]

[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Thursday 20 July 2006, 18:45, to negate the double posting.]

Based on Parklife by Blur. Music video

"Adoration is a preference for the habitual

voyeur of what is known as..."

Knightmare

"And dull childhood can be avoided if you take

a route straight through what is known as..."

Knightmare

"Pickle's got pointy ears, he gets intimidated by

the dirty goblins, they love a bit of it!"

Knightmare

"Who's that ogre marching? You should cut down on

your clubbing, mate, get some exercise!"

All the people

So many people

They all go helm on head

Helm on head through their

Knightmare

"Know what I mean?"

"I get up when I want, except on Fridays when I get rudely awakened by the genie."

Knightmare

"I put my jerkin on, have a cup of mead and I think about whetting the sword."

Knightmare

"I feed the dwarves, I sometimes feed the pookas too, it gives me a sense of enormous wellbeing."

Knightmare

"And then I'm ready for the quest of the day, safe in the knowledge

there will always be a bit of my heart devoted to it."

All the people

So many people

They all go helm on head

Helm on head through their

Knightmare

"It's got nothing to do with Children's BBC you know.

And it's not about you Blue Peter presenters, who go on and on and on..."

All the people

So many people

They all go helm on head

Helm on head through their

Knightmare...

[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Wednesday 02 August 2006, 18:28, to negate the double posting.]

I always thought that Town Called Malice by The Jam (video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfpRm-p7qlY) needed to have a KM parody, so here it is. It's about Dickon & co's winning Series 4 quest.

Better stop dreaming of the painted rooms

'Cos it's a time we'll never know

And quit looking for that runaway cart

'Cos those rosy days are through

And stop apologising that this isn't Series 3

'Cos time is short and life is cruel

But it's up to us to take

The Crown of Malice

Tubes and jars of coloured potions

Sit waiting in the wizard's yard

And a monk fresh from a tavern

Clutching the green brandy to his heart

Turning to a scaly lizard down on Level Two

It's enough to make you keep believing

When fears come fast and furious

Of the Crown of Malice

Struggle after struggle, day after day

The atmosphere's a fine blend of pink

I'm down to Life Force Red

For the Crown of Malice

A whole team's belief that Dickon's the chief

Comes true within the Dungeon

Because I got past the blades and the Dungeon maids

It's a big advancement to the Crown of Malice

Duress of a sorceress is on my back

She's at the moment set on my end

Then FIRE takes her down

Poison pours and Weeping Doors

Three levels in the bag

I could tell this to others and I probably will

'Cause I want them all to know we

Got the Crown of Malice