Re: series 4 and 5. Why is half the cast from Dorset all of a sudden, when Dunshelm is supposed to be in up north? We have Pixel, Oakley and the boatman, all with distinct West Country accents. Pourquoi?

It all started around July 1988, in the West Country town of Weston Super Mare:

Mother: Steven, as a good luck present for your Knightmare filming next week, we're giving you an Acorn.

Steven: Wow! My own computer!

Mother: No, I meant an acorn from a local tree.

Steven took this West Country acorn to Norwich, and into the Dungeon, where he accidentally-on-purpose dropped it, in the Hall of Folly. Merlin found it and planted it in the Greenwood, adding some magic to help it grow. The result was Oakley.

A year later, and another dungeoneer arrives from Weston Super Mare: Douglas. After his demise, we were told by Treguard that Merlin put Douglas back together. In fact, when this proved to be a long undertaking, he made a whole new Douglas out of Rodney and rainbows, and sent it home with the advisors. Merlin continued working on repairing the original Douglas, over the course of many months; but the result was a wretched, disfigured creature who shunned the light (due to his brightly-lit bomb room demise) and effected a West Country accent to remind him of home. To cut a long story less long, Merlin taught the Douglas-creature 14 words and a grunt, stuck a sack on his head and gave him a boat.

Merlin also insisted that the Douglas-creature blow his nose to expel any residual magic from his nasal cavity. Merlin took the used tissue back to his study for close inspection, but left it next to some helium and forgot about it. By the time he remembered, it had turned into Pixel. (A tale of what happened next is told here.)

'And there you have it.' I'm Going Slightly Mad. Which is both the source of the quotation, and a moment of self-reflection.

If Moragine of evil were to take all seventy of her lace bras around the Knightmare dungeon, how many would she have to put in Level one giving an equal amount per level if she were to loose 10 along the way into the dungeon and if she were to forget that ah fok had ruined 3 of those in the wash the previous day

Morgaine is hardly a delicate flower; and personally, I'd need some convincing that she wears undergarments made from anything less robust than titanium (no pun intended) chain mail.

Where did all those pineapples come from?

A tree?

Do Pineapples actually grow on trees? I've never actually thought where they come from.

And why does putting a single egg in the knapsack provide the same amount of life force as an entire roast chicken?

A wizard did it.

...Granted if KM was based on D&D directly rather than computer RPGs which at that point were mostly based on D&D themselves, it would be 'prankster wizard'.

Goodness knows why a wizard would have done that, but given that Knightmare wizards include the likes of Merlin and Hordriss...

Oh and KMDave? The answer is two, because Morgaine burned all the others at a 60's Nostalgic Feminist Society this morning. Thought you'd catch us out with the old mathematical-puzzle-about-bras-that-have-been-burned-for-radical-political-purposes trick did you? Think again.

my ultimate riddle..

If the Brangwen bitch were to,,,,, oh who cares....

If Moragine of evil were to take all seventy of her lace bras around the Knightmare dungeon, how many would she have to put in Level one giving an equal amount per level if she were to loose 10 along the way into the dungeon and if she were to forget that ah fok had ruined 3 of those in the wash the previous day

what a load of runbbish im writing but hey i dnt care

Salutes Ironlord

Why is half the cast from Dorset all of a sudden, when Dunshelm is supposed to be in up north? We have Pixel, Oakley and the boatman, all with distinct West Country accents. Pourquoi?

Don't forget Marta...

...who may actually have been Prince Ludwig the Indestructible in a dress.

"Would you like another piece of pie, my lord?"

Lord F did once say to Hordriss: "You're starting to believe your own scrolls". Hmm...

Mexican accent (deemed appropriate for performing the voice of any person whatsoever outside of the UK or the Indian sub-continent);

Welsh accent (deemed appropriate for performing the voice of anyone who does come from the Indian sub-continent);

West Country accent (deemed appropriate for performing the voice of anyone from any part of the countryside in any part of the UK, including the Welsh).

Now that you know these noble secrets, I imagine you are well-equipped for a life of unpaid thespianism. (And yes, puerile ones, that does read 'Thespianism', before you suggest I meant anything different; mind - gutter - out of!)

More Ultimate Knightmare Riddles welcome.

Alright, then

Re: series 4 and 5. Why is half the cast from Dorset all of a sudden, when Dunshelm is supposed to be in up north? We have Pixel, Oakley and the boatman, all with distinct West Country accents. Pourquoi?

A Hispanic man steps in and announces, "The Man from Del Monte, he say 'Yes!'"

The man from Del Monte.

Whistles innocently

Jonathan the dungeoneer walked a few more steps and then came to a halt. "Where am I?" he asked.

"You're in what looks like a shop - a fruit shop - and there's a man in a... Hawaiian shirt, and, erm... flip-flops. And he's arranging some kind of fruit into a pyramid shape in a sort of display."

Treguard hyperventilated in the background. "Warning, team! This is the Del Monte man. He can be a friend or a foe, but you must gift him with unfamiliar fruit or he may well turn on you. Beware his main weapon - the bottle of Sunny Delight. If he puts that in you knapsack it'll overload your energy sprite and destroy you!"

The advisors looked at eachother hopelessly: they'd just left a clue room in which they'd found a bag of lychees. They'd put it in the knapsack without realising that it was a clue object rather than an item of food in the classic sense.

The Del Monte man turned and saw them. "Ah, hello stranger! I wonder if we can do a trade: do you have anything for me to sell in my shop?"

"What should I say?" Jonathan asked. With the negative confirmed by his advisors he replied, "No, sorry."

The Del Monte man tutted. "Ah well. Well, in that case let me offer you a complimentary bottle of Sunny D. Here, let me put it in your knapsack for you-"

"DIRE EMERGENCY!" Treguard cried from behind the advisors. The advisors looked at eachother in a panic.

"Jonathan, do something!"

Jonathan had an idea. "Um, excuse me," he said, stepping nimbly aside to avoid the Del Monte man's excavation into his knapsack. "I've got some strange fruit for you."

The Del Monte man paused. "Oh, you have?"

"Yes," Jonathan said. He reached up for the knapsack's strap and pulled it out of the way, revealing the logo on his Tshirt. "There you go, it's a Strange Fruit Tshirt!"

The Del Monte man tutted and shook his head. "No, I'm afraid that doesn't count. People can't eat cotton, you know. No, I'll send you on your way with this bottle of orange juice."

"Um, actually," Jonathan stopped him again, inching away from the fruit salesman. Between them they looked as if they were performing a bizarre dance. "I do have some other fruit." The advisors looked at eachother and then at Treguard, who looked equally baffled.

"Err, you have? What have you got? Come on, I haven't got all day!" the Del Monte man snapped, getting impatient. He noted that the dungeoneer was playing with his clothes again. "W-what are you doing..?" he asked uncertainly.

"Here you go - look at my plums!" Jonathan said with a cheeky grin on his face. The Del Monte man dropped his bottle of Sunny D in horror.

"You dirty boy! Get out of my shop! Go on, you can keep your life force, just go!" And with that, he took a broom off the shelf and began to sweep Jonathan harmlessly toward the exit. "Go on! Out! Out!"

"Well done, team! You've beaten the Del Monte man!" Treguard boomed.

Where did all those pineapples come from?

A tree?

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AWizardDidIt

In this case, Merlin. He had a so-called hot date with Lillith, in her rocky domain, and wanted to win her affections by conjuring up a homely yet tasty dessert. Unfortunately, when he tried to invoke an apple pie, he became tongue-tied and instead ordered "Pie an apple". A pineapple appeared. What's more, Lillith's chamber was unusually echoey that evening, so several pineapples appeared. I don't know if Lillith saw the funny side - if indeed there is one.

More Ultimate Knightmare Riddles welcome.

We already know that there's a connection between the dungeon and 20th century earth (How else to you explain all the late 20th century kids who wandered into Treguard's castle, and how we were watching [and Treguard knowing that we were])... What's to say that it's only humans who wander down into the dungeon from our time. Maybe animals, do too, or even fruit falling into the dungeon?

...Although I think the original D&D had the best ever invokation of "A Wizard Did It" - The explanation for cursed -x weapons that no-one in their right mind would think would be useful enough to forge? "Prankster Wizards."

How cynical of you...

Well, maybe. Perhaps Julius Scaramonger or Honesty Bartram had further-reaching trade routes than we give them credit for.

In this case, Merlin. He had a so-called hot date with Lillith, in her rocky domain, and wanted to win her affections by conjuring up a homely yet tasty dessert. Unfortunately, when he tried to invoke an apple pie, he became tongue-tied and instead ordered "Pie an apple". A pineapple appeared. What's more, Lillith's chamber was unusually echoey that evening, so several pineapples appeared. I don't know if Lillith saw the funny side - if indeed there is one.

More Ultimate Knightmare Riddles welcome.

Whistles innocently