You too, Jim - I'll hijack your parody ideas before you've thought of them, but not after.

Billy, very good. I hope that my own reworking of a recent song, which I know to be a favourite of yours, will serve as an ample reward.

Pre-Series 6. An actress with big ideas, who brought two ready-made characters to her first audition but failed, is determined to try again. Perhaps coming up with a third character will clinch it for her. Based on Grace Kelly by Mika. Lyrics, Video.

"I wanna work for you."

"The last time you auditioned, Miss Kennedy, you reduced me to tears. I promise it won't happen again."

Do I attract you?

Do I repulse you with my easy smile?

Am I too ditzy?

Am I too glitzy?

Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome

I could be loathsome

Guess I'm a little bit shy

Why don't you like me?

Maybe you'll like me after my second try

I tried to be a Greystaggy

But all her looks were too sad

So I tried a little Maggie

I've gone identity mad!

I could be thick

I could be quick

I could be a sorceress

I could be fruitful

I could be neutral

I could be maiden in distress

Gotta be keen

Gotta be mean

Gotta be everything more

You know I'm serious

Give me three series

Or I will cry on your floor!

"Being dramatic doesn't solve anything."

When there's a quest on

I'll give suggestions

I'll help the dungeoneer think

I'll show them beauty

I'll show them duty

Putting my life on the brink

I'll be compelling

Maybe dispelling

I'd even beat up an elf

Do I need leverage

Should I show cleavage just to be put on your shelf?

I tried to be a Greystaggy

But all her looks were too sad

So I tried a little Maggie

I've gone identity mad!

I could be blonde

I own a wand

Iona Ke-ennedy

I could be magic

I could be tragic

I'd be on Levels 1 2 3

Gotta be green

Gotta bluescreen?

Gotta be everything more

No one's immortal

People need portals

Why don't I show them the door?

Say what you want to satisfy yourself

But I can be just what every watching child thinks you should want

I could be grey

I could be fay

I could be spiffing with spells

I could be surly

I could be girly

I could be anything that sells

Give me a part

When do I start?

I want to be in the cast

I think you oughta

Make me a daughter

Sidriss - at last!

[Delirious, she runs into a table, bangs her leg and collapses in pain, wishing she'd worn...]

A shiiiin-GUARD!

Back a few decades for one that I hope two forum members in particular will appreciate. Plus the one inadvertently name-checked in the first verse. Based on I Am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel. Lyrics, Video.

A journey West

In a deep and dark Descender

I on my way

Wolfenden, I coming to your streets and square

For a freshly filmed sixth series of Knightmare

I am Ah Wok

I am from China

I have stall

Emporium o' many

I even give it wheels

I no like Scaramonger, accent is no good

Mine better and it mean I can be rewd

I am Ah Wok

I am on Knightmare

Don't talk of Fear

Well I've heard the name before

It keeps me out of Level 3

I won't disturb the witches, or fight the Samurai

[Just then, Ah Mok appears, and shoos Ah Wok away. He takes over the song.]

Right you done a year and now you say bye-bye

You were Ah Wok

You were annoying

I have her boobs

And my special sauce to protect me

I am gifted in my humour

I made dodgy deals, now evilness appeals

I touch Morgaine and Morgaine touches me

I am Ah Mok

I am a legend

And Ah Mok feels Morgaine

And a Knightmare never dies

Finally, another from the 80s. It's a lazy effort on my part, but watch the video at 1:22 and tell me it wasn't meant to be. Based on Holiday Road by Lindsey Buckingham.

Level 3, lotta bricks

It's a long way down to Jericho 6

Jericho 6

Jericho 6

Team has brains and team has brawn

But they can't survive 'cause they left the horn

Jericho 6

Jericho 6

Can't use spell, key or tricks

Only one way past this Jericho 6

Jericho 6

Jericho 6