(Original lyrics, audio)

How she walked, how she talked

When she'd come to greet

My winsome, buxom waitress

Always helped me to my seat

She was gorgeous, so I'd

Go in there every day

Besotted with her, my waitress

I'd never felt this way

Then some boy comes walkin' through our flirty tavern scene

And turns my buxom waitress to a shade of minty green

My blood runs cold

Calamity! I've just been told

My waitress is the seneschal

Waitress is the seneschal

My blood runs cold

My enemy's been much too bold

Waitress is the seneschal

Slipped her notes where I confessed

That I was thinkin' of her undressed

I won't lie, she turned me on

My daughter thought me ill

I was shakin' in my robes

Whenever she flashed those magic globes

Soon she had a hold on me

The waitress had some skill

Those hot and hungry pleasures, the magic of her touch

To see her with that scaly face is really just too much

My blood runs cold

Yea, calamity! I've just been told

My waitress is the seneschal

Waitress is the seneschal

My blood runs cold

My enemy's been much too bold

Waitress is the seneschal

(Na na, n-not Marta, n-na na na, n-n-not Marta)

(Na na na, n-not Marta, n-na na na, n-n-not Marta)

(Na na, n-not Marta, n-na na na, n-n-not Marta)

(Na na na, n-not Marta, n-na na na, n-n-not Marta)

It's okay, he understands

This kid won't spread it through the land

I hope that when this Lissard's gone

He'll soon forget just what went on

Take him far, yes I will

We'll sort this out discreetly

Take him out of Level Two

Or kill him off if need be

A part of me wants to be sick

Erase this from my mind, and quick

Oh no, I can't escape it

Oh yeah, at least we didn't tape it

My blood runs cold

Calamity! I've just been told

My waitress is the seneschal

Waitress is the seneschal

My blood runs cold

My enemy's been much too bold

My waitress is the seneschal!

(Na na, n-not Marta, n-na na na, n-n-not Marta)