The dungeonaut enters a tavern scene. Patrons sit drinking at tables. To one side BENDY WENDY the tavern girl is pouring out jugs of ale. At the front of the room JOCK COCKY is in the middle of his set.

JOCK COCKY

Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife died! [canned laughter]

Scene 2 Shot 1: Wide shot of antechamber

TREBAKE

[Nervous laughter] Ah, welcome to level one’s premier watering hole - The Demented Llama - and they seem to be holding one of their famous talent contests. Now team, this may seem an unnecessary frivolity when you're on such an important quest but it's well worth sticking around - the prizes at such competitions are often rather generous. I’m sure Bendy Wendy the tavern girl will permit a late entry, she has a reputation for being… accommodating.

Scene 3 Shot 1: Mid shot of Jock

JOCK COCKY

…yeah, well I didn’t wish for a twelve inch pianist! (Canned laughter).

Scene 4 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

A gong behind the bar rings.

Scene 3 Shot 1: Mid shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

Time up, time up! Please show your appreciation for Jock Cocky!

(Jock goes to sit down).

BENDY WENDY

Right then, we’ve got time for one more act. Is there anyone else who wants to have a go? Go on, there must be someone - chance to win a gold bar!

Scene 4 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

ADVISOR 3

We need that gold bar - the wall monster said the guard to level two can be bribed.

ADVISOR 1

Yeah, you're right. Edward, tell her that you’ll take part.

Scene 5 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Bendy

DUNGEONAUT

I want to take part.

BENDY WENDY

Oh, a dungeonaut! Well your sort are always very clever and talented. Come on up to the front my dear.

Scene 6 Shot 1: Wide shot of the dungeon

Wendy guides Edward up to the front and turns him to face the audience.

BENDY WENDY (while walking)

What's your name my love?

DUNGEONAUT (while walking)

Edward.

BENDY WENDY (while walking)

And what's your talent Edward?

Awkward pause.

DUNGEONAUT (while walking)

What do you think I should do?

Scene 7 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

ADVISOR 1

Um, can you do a little dance or something? I dunno, something you're good at.

Scene 8 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

Don't be shy my darling. How are you gonna entertain the good folks here tonight?

DUNGEONAUT

Er, well, if I pinch my nose and blow, air comes out of my eyes.

Scene 9 Shot 1: Mid shot of Advisors

The advisors looking at each other.

Scene 10 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

Er, okaaay. Sounds amazing! Well, take it away Edward!

Scene 11 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

The dungeonaut reaches up under his helmet and pinches his nose but we don't see anything else happen. Edward releases his nose. Pregnant pause.

BENDY WENDY

Give it up for Edward!

The room erupts with applause.

Scene 12 Shot 1: Mid shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

Now then, it’s time for you folks to pick a winner and we're going to use the trusty clapometer - I'll list each act in turn and the one who gets the most applause is the champion. Right, first up was Wally the Jester and his spinning plates.

Scene 13 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

The jester stands and waves from one of the tables. There's a smattering of polite applause.

Scene 14 Shot 1: Mid shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

Ooh, not a lot of love in the room for poor Wally. To be fair you did drop a few plates; well, all of them. Next we had Brother Tucker with his puppetry of the penis.

Scene 15 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

The monk stands and waves from one of the tables. Silence except for some coughs.

Scene 16 Shot 1: Mid shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

Well perhaps that's an acquired taste. And I'm not sure the folks at the back could see much, bless. Next we had the comic observations of Jock Cocky.

Scene 17 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

The comedian stands and waves from one of the tables. A decent amount of applause.

Scene 18 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

Oh, I think we have a clear leader. Can our final act pip him at the post? It was Edward… blowing air through his eyes!

Scene 19 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

The room erupts in applause, cheers and whistles. SOUND FX: roar of a crowd at a football match.

Scene 20 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

We have a winner! Congratulations Edward - here's your prize of one gold bar!

Wendy takes a gold bar out of her pocket and gives it to Edward.

Scene 21 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

Advisors react to winning.

Scene 22 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Bendy

BENDY WENDY

(To Edward:)

Now I'd get out of here if I were you. Our last winner was beaten up pretty badly by the other contestants.

Wendy turns Edward around and gently pushes him on his way.

Scene 23 Shot 1: Hand-held camera

Through a binoculars shaped window the camera tracks through a contemporary pub. We see modern artefacts such as a fruit/quiz machine and pool table. The camera goes into the gents toilets. We see two men standing at the urinal. One finishes up, turns and notices the camera.

MAN

Oi, what the fuck are you doing, you pervert?!

The man reaches out and grabs the camera.

CUT TO BLACK.

END.