<DUNGEONAUT> walks into a village marketplace scene. Two stalls are prominent. On the left the monk BROTHER TUCKER is selling various magical artefacts. On the right the arrogant Scotsman JOCK COCKY is selling more obviously practical items. The two stalls face one another, with a gap inbetween.

<DUNGEONAUT>

Where is this?

Scene 2 Shot 1: Wide shot of antechamber

ADVISOR 1

You're in some kind of market. There are two stalls - one with a monk and one with what looks like a Scottish man.

TREBAKE

Ah, you're in luck team; it's market day in Bell End. You might be able to pick up something useful here but choose your purchase wisely.

Scene 3 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

BROTHER TUCKER

(Calling to <Dungeonaut>:)

Ah, hello there young man. You look like someone with an eye for a bargain. What is your name?

<DUNGEONAUT>

<Dungeonaut>

BROTHER TUCKER

Well <Dungeonaut>, why don't you come over and peruse my wares?

Scene 4 Shot 1: Mid shot of Jock and Tucker

JOCK COCKY

(To <Dungeonaut>:)

Doont ye listen to that Brother Tucker, he's away wi' the fairies. There's nothing in his bottles and jars but hoot air.

BROTHER TUCKER

The only place round here where there's nothing but hot air is underneath your kilt Jock Cocky.

JOCK COCKY

Ha! That's rich coming from a monk who wouldn' ken a woman from a wombat!

BROTHER TUCKER

For your information I was once quite popular with the ladies.

JOCK COCKY

Ach aye? Sexy lil Brother Tucker was ye?

BROTHER TUCKER

I had my moments - before I was touched by a higher authority in the church (raises his hands and looks to the sky).

JOCK COCKY

Aye, ah've heard that sort of thing goes on in the church.

Scene 5 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

BROTHER TUCKER

(To <Dungeonaut>:)

You know, I often find it difficult to understand a word that Jock Cocky is saying - thank heavens for small mercies.

Scene 6 Shot 1: Wide shot of antechamber

TREBAKE

These two merchants may have very different styles but each is as likely as the other to be selling something that could aid you in your quest. Make your choice and approach.

Scene 7 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

Scene 7 Shot 2: Wide shot of dungeon

ADVISOR 1

What do you think - the monk might be a bit more trustworthy?

The other two advisors nod.

ADVISOR 1

(Voiceover:)

Side step to the left <Dungeonaut>. And again. Ok walk forward.

<Dungeonaut> walks up to Brother Tucker's stall.

Scene 8 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Tucker

BROTHER TUCKER

Welcome, welcome! Let me show you today's specials.

Scene 9 Shot 1: Closeup of stall

We see a close up of Brother Tucker's stall. There is something that looks very much like the Reach Wand but is curved like a banana, a small vial of liquid and a monkey's paw. Brother Tucker picks up the curved wand.

Scene 10 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Tucker

BROTHER TUCKER

This here is a special type of magical wand known as a Reach Around. If you wield one you'll be able to see around corners and through doors. Have you ever had a Reach Around before <Dungeonaut>?

<DUNGEONAUT>

No

BROTHER TUCKER

Oh, very handy, very handy.

Brother Tucker puts down the wand and picks up the vial.

BROTHER TUCKER

Now this is holy water. As I'm sure you know it can be very effective against the undead - though God forbid you ever encounter any <Dungeonaut>.

Brother Tucker puts down the vial and picks up the monkey's paw.

BROTHER TUCKER

Ah, now this is extremely powerful and must be used with the utmost care. Touch your enemy with this monkey's paw and they will be cursed to die a horrible death within seven days. May it never happen to you <Dungeonaut>, for 'tis a terrible fate to be fingered by a monkey (he puts down the paw). Well young sir, is there anything here you might be interested in purchasing?

Scene 11 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

ADVISOR 1

Remember what Wally the Jester said - "the undead guard the wellway"? We should buy the holy water.

ADVISOR 2

Yeah, absolutely.

Advisor 3 nods.

ADVISOR 1

<Dungeonaut>, tell him you'd like to buy the holy water.

Scene 12 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Tucker

<DUNGEONAUT>

I'd like the holy water please.

BROTHER TUCKER

An excellent choice! An enemy of the undead is a friend of God. May I now be vulgar and ask how much money you have?

<DUNGEONAUT>

A gold bar.

Scene 13 Shot 1: Closeup of gold bar

We SEE a close up of the gold bar in <Dungeonaut>'s hand. It is actually a Mcvities Gold Bar biscuit.

Scene 14 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Tucker

BROTHER TUCKER

What a coincidence! The holy water costs exactly one gold bar. However, there is a small issue. The holy water will wound a member of the undead but won't kill it. Therefore if you don't have an appropriate weapon - a silver arrow or suchlike - you will only succeed in angering the abomination, which would make matters far worse for yourself. Have you such a weapon?

<DUNGEONAUT>

No.

BROTHER TUCKER

Oh, then I'm afraid my friend that for your own safety I cannot sell you the holy water. However, a Reach Around also costs one gold bar if I can interest you...?

Scene 15 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

ADVISOR 1

What do you reckon guys?

ADVISOR 3

I think we should check out the other stall before we make a decision.

ADVISOR 1

Yeah, good idea. Ok, <Dungeonaut>...

Scene 16 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

ADVISOR 1

(Voiceover:)

...Turn 180 degrees around

<Dungeonaut> turns right.

ADVISOR 1

(Voiceover:)

And walk forward until you see the other stall.

BROTHER TUCKER

Do come back if you change your mind.

<Dungeonaut> walks over to and stops in front of Jock's stall.

Scene 17 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Jock

JOCK COCKY

Ha! Ah knew that silly Brother Tucker wouldn't have anything for ye. But ah almoost certainly will.

Scene 18 Shot 1: Closeup of Jock's stall

We see a close up of the top of Jock Cocky's stall. There is a length of wire, a silver arrow and a curved horn.

Scene 19 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Jock

JOCK COCKY

Now ah'm a simple man so all ma items cost one gold bar apiece.

Jock picks up the length of wire.

JOCK COCKY

This here is a garrotte. Ye can use it to strangle yer enemies. The tricky thing is thoo, that yer have to creep up on them from behind. Have you ever taken anyone from behind <Dungeonaut>?

<DUNGEONAUT>

No.

JOCK COCKY

Ah, well in that case this might not be ideal for ye. Best used by experienced hands.

Jock puts down the wire and picks up the arrow.

JOCK COCKY

This is a silver arrow. Most effective against the undead - as long as ye can disable them first with a bit of holy water or soomthing a'course.

JOCK puts down the arrow and picks up the horn.

JOCK COCKY

And this wee beauty is a genuine goblin horn. It's a belter when it comes to scaring off some a the dungeon's wilder inhabitants. On the downside it does tend to attract goblins...

Jock puts the horn back on the stall.

JOCK COCKY

So then, for the measly sum of one gold bar ah can give ye the horn, give ye a shaft or help ye to give something a right old choke. What's it to be?

Scene 20 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

ADVISOR 2

Shall we get the arrow then?

ADVISOR 1

But he said we need the holy water too. I think we need both...but we only have one gold bar... um...

Scene 21 Shot 1: Closeup of Trebake

TREBAKE

Your life force won't last forever team. Action is required.

Scene 22 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors

ADVISOR 3

What about the spell?

ADVISOR 2

It's the only other thing we have...

ADVISOR 1

Yeah alright, go for it.

ADVISOR 2

SPELLING! D-E-V-O

Scene 23 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

ADVISOR 2

(Voiceover:)

L-V-E

The letters appear on screen as they are spoken. We hear the tinkle of spell activation. Jock Cocky immediately starts acting like a chimpanzee, running around in circles and pant-hooting. He picks up the horn, tries to eat it and tosses it aside in disgust. He then does a 'monkey walk' off screen.

BROTHER TUCKER

(Watching Jock Cocky leave:)

That highland fling is a strange old dance isn't it?

Scene 24 Shot 1: Mid shot of Trebake

TREBAKE

(Laughing:)

Well done team, you correctly deduced that the Scotsman would be susceptible to a process of devolution.

Scene 25 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

ADVISOR 1

(Voiceover:)

Ok <Dungeonaut>, take the silver arrow. Now turn left and walk forward back to the monk's stall.

<Dungeonaut> does as directed.

BROTHER TUCKER

Hello again. I'm guessing you'd like the holy water now?

<DUNGEONAUT>

Yes please.

Scene 26 Shot 1: Over the shoulder shot of Tucker

BROTHER TUCKER

Here you go (he gives <Dungeonaut> the vial). That will be one gold bar please (<Dungeonaut> gives him the bar). Thank you sir! It's normally at this point in the transaction that I'd say 'please call again'. However, I know that you dungeonauts - like people wishing to preserve precious holiday memories - never go back. Good luck to you though young <Dungeonaut> and may the lord be with you.

<DUNGEONAUT>

Thank you.

Scene 27 Shot 1: Mid shot of Advisors

ADVISOR 1

(Voiceover:)

Ok, sidestep to your right. And again. And again. Ok, walk forward.

Scene 28 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon

<Dungeonaut> moves to the centre of the scene between the two stalls and starts to walk forward.

Cut to:

Sight Shield sequence. Because the shield has two eyes the view is through a binoculars shaped 'window'. We track through the village past huts and antiquated farming equipment. At one point a young couple wearing backpacks and pushing a buggy walk in and out of shot. We go around a corner and see a rectangular black portal. We move closer and closer to the portal until the screen is filled with its blackness and then...we hear a thump and the black rectangular piece of cardboard falls flat to the ground.

Cut to black.

Portal whoosh sound.

End.