I heard they wanted me to slay

'Cause before we had the Automatum, but he didn't stay

So I moved into this special place

Where boys and girls can go on quests with a flaking face

I'm having wicked dreams

Of chasing dungeon teams

And biting heads off hounds

I swear they're taunting me

Won't make the maiden proud

It's gonna cause a scene

She hears an ogre growl

I know she's gonna scream

"Oh, why can't you shun

All the young dungeoneers

Up here on Level One?" Oh Melly

I'm just having fun

As I rage for my meals

It's where I belong

Here with my

Big phony club

I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club

I'm gonna keep advancing in the quests 'cause I should

I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club, big phony club

I'm up in the Great Corridor

Simon's in a hurry and he's headed for the door

He might have escaped into the Vale

I switch between shorts and trousers but I cannot fail

I thank my wicked dreams

Of chasing dungeon teams

Oh no an angry elf

So rude, I have to flee

Won't make the missus proud

It's gonna cause a scene

She'll see me sloping home

I know she's gonna scream

"Oi, what 'ave you done?

You're a bleedin' great lump

Where the 'ell is your club?" Oh darling

My time isn't done

I need three quests to heal

Then I'll be along, back with my

Big phony club

I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club

I'm gonna keep advancing in the quests 'cause I should

I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club, big phony club

I think that Kelly's in a bind

There's no way off Level One

I menace from behind

So Mr. Grimwold wins the day

And I can hear a wifely drawl a dungeon room away, saying

"Oh Grimmy, well done

Rub my big phony nose

As you brandish your club" Oh darling

This time it was fun

And I'm setting the scene

For Fatilla the Hun, here with my

Big phony club

I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club

I'm gonna keep advancing in the quests 'cause I should

I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club, big phony club

I'm gonna keep advancing

I'm gonna keep advancing