Add accents as you see fit

[Majida stands alone in the antechamber]

Majida: Welcome watchers of illusion, to the castle of confusion. I’m very sorry watchers, but we’re having… staffing problems. Greybeard is unfortunately unavailable…

[There is a sudden noise that sounds like muffled shouting. Majida continues]

M:…but luckily you’ve got me!

[She grabs the staff and taps in to the ground]

M: Enter stranger!

[A male dungeoneer appears. Majida leaps back]

M: No, I don’t want a boy, send him back!

Dungeoneer: But-

[He vanishes, followed by some more muffed shouting. A new dungeoneer appears, a girl this time. The muffled shouting continues.]

M: Better. What is your name?

Dungeoneer: Ruby.

M: Very strange name, but that's typical of humans. Now call your advisors.

Ruby: Clara, Josh, Willow.

[The advisors appear. Josh looks confused.]

Josh: Can any of you hear someone –

M: I can't hear anything.

[The voice falls silent, like it’s been gagged. Majida picks up the quest items from a crumpled pile, almost as if they’d been thrown there during a struggle. She describes the items as she puts them on the dungeoneer.]

M: This is your Knapsack. You put food in it, so you don’t starve. This is the Eyeshield. It allows your friends to see the path ahead, which they’ll need to, as you’ll be wearing the…

[She stops. Her hands are empty. The Helmet of Justice is not there]

M: Oh silly me, I must have left it in… the cupboard.

[She slowly turns towards the cupboard. The shouting restarts, louder than ever. Majida suddenly turns away from it, a fixed smile on her face]

M: But you don’t need to worry about that because you’re going in without it.

R: But the rules say –

M: Forget about the rules, Treguard just makes them up anyway. Besides, it will make it much easier, yes? I always say it’s too difficult. Go now.

[She grabs Ruby and pushes her towards the dungeon entrance. But before she goes through, there’s a flash of red light and Hordriss appears, blocking the way]

Hordriss: What are you thinking, genie? A dungeoneer can’t go into the dungeon without the Helmet of Justice! Especially not after last time! Go get it at once!

[Majida looks from Hordriss to the cupboard to Hordriss again. She crosses her arms and pouts]

M: Shan’t.

H: Shan’t, what do you mean, shan’t? Some assistant you are! It’s in this cupboard isn’t it?

[He goes to open the cupboard]

M: No!

[The cupboard is open, and a very familiar Dungeon Master falls out, tied up like a Christmas present (not literally, I wouldn’t put you through that again). Majida smiles sheepishly]

M: Wow(!) What’s he doing in there?

[All eyes on her. She disappears back to her bottle]

(A nod to a kind remark that's appeared on the website. )

(Gotta get this topic back up and running! Its just legendary!)

[Song been Moved to I have a Silly Idea Thread as suggested below]

*the dungeneer looks trough the spyglass and sees:

Lordi and the others talking whilst Lord Fear is tied up in a corner, looking very outraged*

For those ignorant:

www.lordi.org

I think we've all heard of Lordi now. Congratulations, Snowwie!

Another thing you wouldnt see in the dungeon-

A dungeoneer treading in a fat lump o' dog shiiiiit!!

ooo.... nasty!

I think the goriest death I saw was when that team got sliced in thecorridor of blades and a deep red splatter of blood flew onto the screen.

a proper death!!!!

rather than a fall down the'ole or fireball/star fing.

Lordi and the others talking whilst Lord Fear is tied up in a corner, looking very outraged*

For those ignorant:

www.lordi.org

                       **********

When the dugeoneer looks through the spy glass, Lord Fear is in a forest, playing with bunny rabbits.

"You will tell me how to check my lottery tickets online, human. Then you will tell me if Keira Knightley is single"

A band consisting of skeletrons and catacombites, named 'Boney KM', singing a song about Cedric doing the above.

McGrew interrogating a tin of Baxter's soup: 'So you're not a Campbell?'

These threads have been going for a long time (hence their 'Klassic' status, I suppose), and some of the more recent posts are recapturing ideas from the earlier days:

You wouldn't see ... Brother Mace and Pickle (see Episode1, Series 7)at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

[Several KM characters, including Brother Mace, Aesandre, Hands, Pickle and Gretel, sit in a semi-circle in Brangwen She's Clueroom, facing the wall monster. Brother Mace stands up.]

Mace: Greetings, my name is Brother Mace. And... and...

Brangwen: Answer, name it now!

Mace: ...I'm an alcoholic.

[The others in the semi-circle applaud.]

Brangwen: Well done. The first step, is acceptance. Acceeeeeptaaaannnce...

Slyvester Hands enjoying high tea with cucumber sandwiches...

Sylvester Hands: "Good evening, old sport! I was just enjoying a rather spiffing cucumber sandwich!"

I know it's been said somewhere else, but what about blockers replacing Chip and Pin?

Or Ridolfo on the X-factor? Then again, that's not the dungeons.

Slyvester Hands enjoying high tea with cucumber sandwiches accompanied with Lissard and Lord Fear involving a learned debate on whether Sidriss or Velma is more attractive?

You wouldn't see the Blockers working as bouncers in your local nightclub (OK, it's not in the dungeons...)

oh and you wouln't see the Brollachan driving a car he got from Becks (the Knightmare Broll not Forum)

You wouldn't see The Brollachan, Sidriss and Sly Hands at a MENSA meeting held in the dungeon.

Ditto Brother Mace and Pickle (see Episode1, Series 7)at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

Treguard sitting down with Pat Sharpe and disscussing the ideal game show and mullets they have known and loved.

(PS This is my 100th post anniversary! To celebrate I'm giving you all free cars!)