I could while away the series, conferrin' til I’m weary

Consultin' with the mages.

And my head I'd be scratchin' while

my thoughts were busy hatchin'

If I could only think for ages.

I'd unravel every riddle for every dungeoneer,

In trouble or in pain.

With the thoughts you'll be thinkin'

Your guts I won’t be drinkin’

If I only had a brain.

Oh, I could tell you why Lord Fear always wins more.

I could think of things I never thunk before.

And then I'd sit, and think some more.

I would not be just a nothin' Lord Fear use me for duffin’

My heart all full of pain.

I would merge and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,

If I only had a brain.

DREADNORT

When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle,

And yet I tear ‘em apart.

Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kinda human,

If I only had heart.

I'd be tender - I'd be gentle and awful sentimental

Regarding Love and Art.

I'd be friends with the Treguard

and the boys who is a bard

If I only had a heart.

Picture me - a balcony. Above a voice sings haught

Wherefore art thou, Dreadnort? I hear it clear…

It’s Lord Fear.

Just to register emotion, jealousy - devotion,

And really feel the part.

I could stay young and chipper

Without knocking teams a clipper,

If I only had a heart.

Motely

Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy,

When you're born to be a sissy

Without the wit and verve.

But I could show my humour, be a joker not a cucumber

If I only wasn’t the nerve.

I'm afraid there's no denyin' My jokes are always dyin’,

A death they don’t deserve.

DREADNORT:

I'd be loving as a big heart....

MOTLEY:

I'd be witty as a pisshead....

BROLLOCHAN:

I'd be clever as a Lissard....

DUNGEONEER:

If the dungeon is a dungeon who will serve.

BROLLOCHAN:

Then I'm sure to get a brain

DREADNORT:

A heart

DUNGEONEER:

A quest

MOTLEY:

Not on people’s nerve!