I Had An Even Sillier Idea
Posted: 30 Dec 2007, 13:22
Okay, this is probably the dumbest variation on the song filk idea yet, but what the hell?
Survey the scene...
The dastardly Lord Fear has cast a spell on Treguard, making him only able to communicate with people through the medium of song lyrics. He doesn't sing them, but he talks in them. Incessantly and without deviation.
{A dungeoneer enters the antechamber.}
Treguard: Hello. Is it me you're looking for?
Lionel: Yes. I seek knighthood, and I am here for you to tell me the nature of my quest.
Treguard: Stayin' alive... stayin' alive...
Lionel: Well, yes, but I mean...
Treguard: {Interrupts sharply.} Ah-ah... ah-ah. Stayin' alive.
Lionel: Um. Okay. So my quest is to stay alive. What will I need on my journey?
Treguard: You got the action. You got the motion. Yeah, the boy can play.
Lionel: Oh. Well I'm grateful for your confidence in me, but what will I need?
Treguard: Dedication. Devotion.
Lionel: You got it, you got it! I tell ya, you'll never get a dungeoneer more pumped up than me. Now what transport should I use?
Treguard: You do the walk. The walk of life...
Lionel: Walk? How far is it?
Treguard: Mm, you do the walk of life.
Lionel: Look, there are lots of hills and rocky places on these quests aren't there? I mean, if I walk, I could fall.
Treguard: Gotta get up... gotta get up... gotta get up.
Lionel: And if I hurt my leg?
Treguard: Whoah! Don't move!
Lionel: So what do I do? Wait for an ambulance?
Treguard: You just walk right in... walk-walk-walk right in!
Lionel: Wouldn't it be better if you lent me a horse?
Treguard: Cos you ride on time.
Lionel: Exactly! So I can have the horse?
Treguard: Anything you want, you got it. Anything you need, you got it.
Lionel: Great. Although hang on, there's a river at the end of Level One isn't there? Will I have to leave the horse behind when I get there?
Treguard: To stand divided and we shall surely fall, until our darkest hour, when the light will save us all.
Lionel: Um, right. {Beat.} That gives me something to think about. But how do I cross the river?
Treguard: Don't pay the ferryman. Don't even fix a price.
Lionel: Then how?
Treguard: JUMP! For my love.
Lionel: What!
Treguard: Jump in...!
Lionel: You want me to jump into the river...?
Treguard: ...And feel my touch.
Lionel: Er... Look, suddenly I'm not sure I want to do this. I mean why does it have to be me?
Treguard: We can't go on pretending day by day, that someone somewhere will soon make a change.
Lionel: We were pretending?
Treguard: YES! I'm the great pretender...
Lionel: But I don't know if I'm up to this.
Treguard: The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a man of distinction.
Lionel: You're scaring me now.
Treguard: Don't cry tonight, my baby.
Lionel: Okay, that's it, I'm out of here.
Treguard: Don't leave me this way! I can't survive... I can't stay alive...
{Exit dungeoneer.}
Can anyone think up some more? For a confrontation between Fear and Barry Thorne, maybe?
Survey the scene...
The dastardly Lord Fear has cast a spell on Treguard, making him only able to communicate with people through the medium of song lyrics. He doesn't sing them, but he talks in them. Incessantly and without deviation.
{A dungeoneer enters the antechamber.}
Treguard: Hello. Is it me you're looking for?
Lionel: Yes. I seek knighthood, and I am here for you to tell me the nature of my quest.
Treguard: Stayin' alive... stayin' alive...
Lionel: Well, yes, but I mean...
Treguard: {Interrupts sharply.} Ah-ah... ah-ah. Stayin' alive.
Lionel: Um. Okay. So my quest is to stay alive. What will I need on my journey?
Treguard: You got the action. You got the motion. Yeah, the boy can play.
Lionel: Oh. Well I'm grateful for your confidence in me, but what will I need?
Treguard: Dedication. Devotion.
Lionel: You got it, you got it! I tell ya, you'll never get a dungeoneer more pumped up than me. Now what transport should I use?
Treguard: You do the walk. The walk of life...
Lionel: Walk? How far is it?
Treguard: Mm, you do the walk of life.
Lionel: Look, there are lots of hills and rocky places on these quests aren't there? I mean, if I walk, I could fall.
Treguard: Gotta get up... gotta get up... gotta get up.
Lionel: And if I hurt my leg?
Treguard: Whoah! Don't move!
Lionel: So what do I do? Wait for an ambulance?
Treguard: You just walk right in... walk-walk-walk right in!
Lionel: Wouldn't it be better if you lent me a horse?
Treguard: Cos you ride on time.
Lionel: Exactly! So I can have the horse?
Treguard: Anything you want, you got it. Anything you need, you got it.
Lionel: Great. Although hang on, there's a river at the end of Level One isn't there? Will I have to leave the horse behind when I get there?
Treguard: To stand divided and we shall surely fall, until our darkest hour, when the light will save us all.
Lionel: Um, right. {Beat.} That gives me something to think about. But how do I cross the river?
Treguard: Don't pay the ferryman. Don't even fix a price.
Lionel: Then how?
Treguard: JUMP! For my love.
Lionel: What!
Treguard: Jump in...!
Lionel: You want me to jump into the river...?
Treguard: ...And feel my touch.
Lionel: Er... Look, suddenly I'm not sure I want to do this. I mean why does it have to be me?
Treguard: We can't go on pretending day by day, that someone somewhere will soon make a change.
Lionel: We were pretending?
Treguard: YES! I'm the great pretender...
Lionel: But I don't know if I'm up to this.
Treguard: The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a man of distinction.
Lionel: You're scaring me now.
Treguard: Don't cry tonight, my baby.
Lionel: Okay, that's it, I'm out of here.
Treguard: Don't leave me this way! I can't survive... I can't stay alive...
{Exit dungeoneer.}
Can anyone think up some more? For a confrontation between Fear and Barry Thorne, maybe?
