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Dungeoneer: I think I'll just lie down here for a moment...

Aesandre: Cor blimey, it's a bit taters! Brrr. I'd better stick the 'eating on.

*****

[Merlin walks into the hairdressers: Haircare By Giles.]

Giles: Hello, Sir, what can I do for you?

Merlin: Ah, yes, I'm hoping for a change of style. Please give me... a Hordriss! [Merlin chuckles]

[Giles presses a button, and seat restraints shoot across Merlin's chair.]

Giles: A Pat Sharp, did you say, Sir? OK then...

Majilda; "You know, I really am quite speechless! I dont know what to say!"  :D

Aesandre: Lord Fear, your courtship grows tiresome. I have snowmen in Winteria more appealing than you.

Lord Fear: How dare you? I... I don't know what to say.

Aesandre: Try expressing yourself through 1980s popular music lyrics.

Lord Fear: I must say, Queen Aesandre, that [gets up and sings, with backing music kicking in] 'You're as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice our love...'

Treguard: Why don't we do what the french do on Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe for a change? Which means, if your dungeoneer loses, I pick one of you advisors to be the next dungeoneer.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Clip from Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe.)

Master of the Castle: (Edited) Bouffo, why are you going to the toilet for?

Bouffo (Jester): Oui Oui.

Skarkill rushing in with a laser blaster!  :D

Lord Fear to Lissard: Oh damn it, I can't scare any dungeoneers today Lissard, as I am due to address the House of Lords about the Fox Hunting Bill.  Will you take charge of things in my absence?
Lissard:  Most certainly your master-ness.  I will breathe my tuna breath-ness on those kids-ness.  That will knock them out instantly-ness

Dungeoneer: (To advisors) Ok guys your in a room, in it is a an with a tan and beard and an elf who looks confused.

[End of episode]

Treguard:  Will our team survive into level three? Or will Lord Fear triumph once more? There's only one way to find out. Isn't there?

[Credits roll.]

Elmo from Sesame Street: [V.O.]  This episode of Knightmare was brought to you in association with the letter E, and with the number two!

(S8)
Treguard: Team, you need food soon, cake force is fading!

Advisors: Right, in the top right is a cake, jump up and grab it

*Dungeoneer grabs the cake force animation and places it in his sack, the life force face re-appears*

Treguard: Well done team, you've redeemed the life force face by defeating the evil cake!

[Another one that may be better off in the KM Jokes Thread, if anywhere...]

Dungeoneer: Excuse me, Pickle, but why is Treguard sitting on your head?

Pickle: This is Hugo, my hatt.

Team 2 Series 2 - Encounters ghost in clue room!

Treguard: Oh dear, you needed Cedrics magic for survival but I'm afraid you've...

(Dungeoneer is on the phone and puts down the receiver after a while)

Dungeoneer: Don't worry everyone... WHO YE GONNA CALL?

In runs Peter from the GHOSTBUSTERS he unleashes an immense bolt from his partical eliminator... Before chucking out a trap to retreive the ghost

Peter: Thanks, we we're short on work lately!

Treguard looks on in a surprised way

Treguard: Very impressive team!

(Sorry I was listening to Ghostbusters at the time, the idea just came out of my head...  ;D)

The year is 2004, Treguard & Pickle are still waiting for a new series.

Treguard: Looks like we're gonna be here for a long time, Pickle. Why don't we watch this new movie I've got? It's called "Sexual Experiences" starring Phil McRackin.

Advisors: Where are we?

Dungeoneer: OK, you're in a small castle-type room. Don't worry, you're not going to fall off anything. In front of you there's like a screen. To your right, there's a man with a beard, sitting in a stationary chair, and next to him there's another man, dressed in green... There's some stuff in front of you, so look downward... side-glance slightly to your left... stop. Can you see what it is?

Advisors: Yes, there are three clipboards, with paper and pencils.

Dungeoneer: OK, pick up the clipboards and put them on your laps. And hold the pencils... one each.

Advisors: What shall we do now? Shall we talk to the man?

Dungeoneer: Er... OK. Side-glance to your left... no, sorry, your right... Stop.

Treguard: Whose idea was this, please?

[Merlin runs through the antechamber with a strait jacket and a Father Christmas hat on.]

[End of a quest.]

Treguard:  "What a shame, team, but I'm afraid you've lost this battle. Majida, the staff."

Majida:  "Right chief!"

Treguard:  [Bellows.] "And don't call me 'chief'!"

Majida:  "Sorry 'bout that, chief..."