Knightmare.com

This is indeed a world of mine I have created. A very dark place, isolated from civilisation. There are no laws here, and once people enter they cannot leave as those who enter become far too savage to return back home. I created the world before this, but I decided it would be great for a Knightmare themed quest.

Treguard: Welcome watchers of illusion, to the Castle of Confusion. I, Treguard issue the challenge.
A girl enters.
Treguard: Who challenges the dungeon?
Girl: Crystal Flair.
Treguard: Very well Crystal, I trust you have three friends to aid you. Call in your advisors.
Crystal: Hayden! Natalie! Jasper!
Treguard: Who guides this dungeoneer?
Hayden: Hayden Ray.
Natalie: Natalie Smith.
Jasper: Jasper Friedman.
Treguard: Very well then. Now, Crystal are you ready?
Crystal: ...Yes.
Treguard: Then don the Helmet of Justice and step boldly forward.

Crystal: Where am I?
Hayden: You’re in a forest. It looks very bleak, and there’s no light.
Jasper: Which way should we go?
A creature rushes past to the left.
Treguard: Now listen team; I have no idea who that may have been but I think it’s best if you follow them.
Hayden: Crystal, turn to your left.
Jasper: Walk forward.
Natalie: It’s probably best if one of us looks for clues.
Treguard: This forest is bleak. Now hurry team; beasts may be found on this path.
Natalie: You should probably speed up.
There is a clearing to their left, of which a small gathering can just be made out. A spirit emerges from it.
: Hello, stranger. I haven’t met you before. What’s your name?
Crystal: Crystal.
Bolgrim: I am Bolgrim myself. I see you’re headed for Mogdred’s playpen. I am indeed a friend of Mogdred’s. You’d better say welcome now – I don’t think you’ll be leaving.
Bolgrim returns back into the clearing, with a very twisted sounding laugh.
Natalie: We should probably move away from the clearing.
Jasper: Crystal, take one sidestep to your right and continue forward.
The team soon approach the dungeon’s entrance. A voice is booming out.

Mogdred: Welcome, dungeoneer to Mogdred’s little playpen! I hope you’ll enjoy your stay, and all the games. Of course, you are a foolish and feeble outsider. Do you pledge allegiance to Mogdred, and join our dungeon games?

Crystal: Who am I talking to?
Natalie: You’re probably talking to Mogdred.
Hayden: Should we pledge allegiance to him?
Natalie: We probably shouldn’t.
Jasper: Crystal, say no.
Crystal: No.

Mogdred looks quite shocked.

Mogdred: A brave move. Or should I say foolish? I could kill you now, but what’s the point. I enjoy observing fear. And I shall enjoy observing yours! (laughs)

Mogdred disappears.

Crystal: Is he gone?

Mogdred returns.

Mogdred: I am never gone. I am watching all your footsteps. Look upon Mogdred and quail! Now good luck dungeoneer, not that there’s any hope for you.

Mogdred disappears.

Treguard: Hurry onward team, you’ll be needing all your courage. Mogdred has given a blow to your life force.

The dungeon entrance is a serpent’s mouth straight ahead.

Natalie: We should probably walk forward. We should probably be quick.
Jasper: Crystal, walk forward.
Hayden: STOP! You’ve gone slightly too far left. Sidestep to your right twice.
Jasper: Walk forward now.

The team enter the dungeon.

Crystal: Where am I?
Hayden: Crystal, you’re at the head of a staircase. We need to go down the stairs.
Natalie: You should probably use the banister.
Jasper: Crystal, sidestep to your left.
Natalie: It’s probably best if you reach out with your left hand for the banister.
Crystal: I’ve got it!
Hayden: Go down the stairs.

Crystal: Where am I?
Hayden: You’re in a bare room with nothing but a table. The room is rather dark.
Natalie: There’s some objects on the table, and some are probably useful.
Jasper: Crystal, turn 45 degrees left. Walk forward.
Natalie: Crystal, what’s on the table? We could probably help you.
Crystal: I can’t see the table!
Hayden: Crystal, take one sidestep to your left and walk forward.
Crystal: There’s a lantern, an apple pie, an ice pack and some beer.
Treguard: You’ll need life force energy for the coming encounter. Hurry now!
Natalie: Crystal, you should probably put the apple pie in your knapsack.
Jasper: Is that?
Natalie (interrupting): There’s probably going to be something here in a minute.
Treguard: Natalie’s right, team. Manifestation occurring.

Granitas: I am Granitas of Legend! Turn and face me, or perish! I have three riddles and truth I seek. Here is my first:
Natalie: It’ll probably be really hard.
Granitas: Who meditated under the Bodhi tree?
Crystal: What should I say?
Natalie: It’s probably someone religious.
Hayden: Jesus?
Jasper: Crystal, say Jesus.
Crystal: Jesus.
Granitas: FALSEHOOD! The Buddha was the truth I sought. Here is my second: I travel at speeds beyond those of sight. You’ll never see without me, try as you might. What am I?
Natalie: It’s probably light.
Crystal: Light!
Granitas: Truth accepted! Here is my third: Many children travel upon a boat, bound for a town many miles away. Name the town.
Crystal: Do you think it’s Neverland?
Hayden: Try it.
Crystal: Neverland!
Granitas: FALSEHOOD! Morningtown was the truth I sought! One alone is the score. Your quest is for the chalice, but you may not drink from it. I scorn you! Rock I was, and rock I now become!
Treguard: Make your choice team, and exit fast.
Natalie: We probably shouldn't be drinking beer.
Hayden: Crystal, take the lantern and the ice pack.
Treguard: Hurry now team, you're only wasting life force.
Jasper: Crystal, sidestep to your left twice.
Hayden: One step forward, and turn left.
Jasper: Walk forward.
Natalie: We should probably take the right hand door.
Hayden: Crystal, walk forward until I say stop.
Natalie: You can stop now, probably.
Hayden: STOP! Turn to your right and walk forward.

Crystal: Where am I?
Natalie: You're in a dark room which can probably be lit by the lantern.
Jasper: Crystal, get the lantern out!
Crystal: I can't even see my items. Okay, I think this is the lantern.
Natalie: It's probably the ice pack as it hasn't done anything.
Jasper: Try the other item.
Crystal: Is the room lighting up?
Hayden: Yes. You're in a room with three doors. A jester is emerging from the middle one.
Treguard: Listen team, this is Folly the Jester. He is perfectly trustworthy, but he may waste your life force.
Folly: What's this I see? Is that a dungeoneer?
Natalie: Crystal, it's probably best if you say yes.
Crystal: Yes it is.
Folly: What's your name then, bold dungeoneer?
Crystal: What shall I say?
Hayden: Crystal.
Crystal: Crystal.
Folly: Pleasure to meet you, Crystal. Folly is my name, and Folly is my nature. Foolishness my character, and fun my alma mater. Now then Crystal, you had better listen to Folly. The room I emerged from, you shouldn't go in there. However, you must not take the one to my right either. Well I hope you've taken that advice. I'm sure we'll meet again, young dungeoneer. (Runs off laughing.)
Natalie: We should probably take the left door.
Hayden: I think we want right actually.
Jasper: It's definitely left, what we want. Crystal, sidestep to your left.
Hayden: Sidestep to your right-
Natalie: It's probably left!
Jasper: Left!
Hayden: Right!
Hayden and Jasper keep talking over each other.
Treguard: You're only wasting life force.
Crystal: Which way do I go?
Natalie: We'll probably go left.
Jasper: Sidestep to your left and walk forward.
Hayden: Stop. Two more sidesteps to your left.
Jasper: Crystal, walk forward.

Crystal: Where am I?
Hayden: You're in a room with a hand. It's just dropped from the ceiling.
Natalie: It's probably going for you.
Treguard: Caution team, this is the Wall Master. Search for its shadow, and move quickly.
Wall Master drops above Crystal.
Natalie: Crystal, sidestep - probably to your left!
Crystal: What?
The hand grabs Crystal and the team is out.

Treguard: Ooh, nasty! But then again, Folly told you to take the right door, not the left. Spellcasting: D-I-S-M-I-S-S.

Farewell Crystal, Hayden, Jasper and Natalie; although you didn’t make it far you still accepted the challenge.

Please tell me what you think.

Wow that was very good Redthir i'm impressed

Thanks very much

Crystal's team is defeated and a new team emerge. I came up with the idea to make a team of metalheads, and here they are.

Treguard: Who challenges the dungeon?
: Eddie Frost.
Treguard: Well then, Eddie. Call in your advisors.
Eddie: Gunnar! Cauley! Rolf!
Treguard: Name yourselves, advisors.
Gunnar: Gunnar Jonsson.
Cauley: Cauley Reeves.
Rolf: Rolf Thomas.
Treguard: Now then,Eddie. Are you ready to begin the quest?
Eddie: Yes.
Treguard: Then here is your knapsack for food and items. And here is the helmet to blind you from the horrors ahead. Remember, the only way is onwards – there is no turning back! Now Eddie, face the dungeon door and step boldly forward.

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: You’re in some kinds of a forests. It look a littles bit likes the album cover of Blackwater Park.
Treguard: Now listen team, there should be some kind of a clue as to which way you’re to go. I can’t tell exactly where you are.
Rolf: Is that a scroll down there?
Gunnar: I believes it is.
Rolf: Eddie, sidestep once to your left. Walk forward.
Gunnar: Cans you reads it for us?
Eddie: We need to change our direction apparently. Should I turn to the right?
Rolf: Is there anything else on it?
Eddie: No.
Rolf: Eddie, I think we’re ready for the dungeon. Turn right and keep going forward.
Gunnar: Eddie, stop!
Eddie: Why?
Gunnar: There’s someones walkings toward you. She mays have some useful informations.
Eddie: Hello there!
Rolf (joking): Eddie, walk forward and get your hand out.
Gunnar: Don't!
: Cursed creatures of the woods. Hold on, you’re not from around here.
Eddie: I’m not. I’ve never been here before.
Velda: Tell me stranger, what is your name?
Eddie: My name’s Eddie.
Treguard: Now listen team, elves like Velda are very keen on courtesy.
Gunnar: Stay polites to her, whatever you says.
Velda: Eddie? You seem a polite young man. I’ll tell you my name then – I’m Velda, a wood elf. Now make your business quick!
Eddie: I’m on a quest, and could do with some help.
Velda: I will help you. If you can tell me a way to leave this cursed wood. This forest is all but destroyed.
Rolf: Eddie, tell her the way to the portal.
Eddie: There’s a portal where I’ve come from. Go quickly – it may still be open.
Velda: Thank you, Eddie. Farewell.
(Velda leaves something behind.)
Gunnar: Eddie, the elf’s just lefts somethings behinds. Sidesteps to your left once.
Rolf: What is it?
Eddie: It’s a leaf.
Treguard: Appearances may be deceptive. I do not believe that Velda would trick you, team.
Gunnar: Takes the leaf.
Rolf: Eddie, walk forward.

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: You’re ins a-
(Mogdred’s face appears)
Mogdred: Hehahahahaha. Welcome dungeoneer to the Fun Palace. I hope you enjoy your stay. We have many games around. Play awhile... Play forever!
(Mogdred disappears)
Eddie: Is he gone?
Rolf: Yes. (singing): Just try to scream!
Rolf and Gunnar: It’s only a dream! Your ultimate nightmare, welcome to the Fun Palace!
Treguard: Hurry team, you’re wasting life force.
Gunnar: Eddie, walks forward. You’re going intos the dungeons.
Rolf (whispering): Ronnie James Dio would kick Mogdred's ass.
Gunnar: I'd kills to watch that. If that's didn't work I'd plays some Morbid Angel.
(Eddie moves through the serpent’s mouth, into the dungeon.)

I hope you like this team. Also, can I ask what people think of my portrayal of Mogdred?

Redthir wrote:Rolf: Yes. (singing): Just try to scream!
Rolf and Gunnar: It’s only a dream! Your ultimate nightmare, welcome to the Fun Palace!
Treguard: Hurry team, you’re wasting life force.

LOL, I love that part!

This team should be fun. Have you ever read the fanfic Scandinavian Knightmares? I highly recommend it.

Mogdred seems fine so far, apart from being unusually restrained with his evil laughter. *g*

Well done =D

Thanks for the feedback once again. By the way, I checked out part of Scandinavian Knightmares and I loved it

Eddie: Where am I?
Rolf: You’re in a cave. There’s some stairs straight ahead of you. Go down them.
Cauley: There’s a banister to his left.
Gunnar: Eddie, cans you sidesteps to your lefts? Puts your left hands out untils you reaches the banisters.
Eddie: I think I’ve got it.
(Eddie starts walking down)
Treguard: Team, I think this is the Level 1 Clueroom. Before you do anything, you need to replenish your life force.
Rolf: There’s a table to your left. Take two sidesteps and walk forward.
Gunnar: Cans you sees the tables yet?
Eddie: Yep.
Gunnar: What’s ons it?
Eddie: There’s a pine cone, a dice, an orange and a key.
Gunnar: Eddie, takes the orange ands place it in your knapsacks.
Treguard: Now listen team, manifestation occurring. One of these items must be earned.
Granitas: I am Granitas of Legend! Turn and face me, or perish!
Rolf: As his name is Granitas, ass to ass chat is probably best. Eddie, turn right around and talk with your ass-
Treguard: Don’t be silly, team. You’ll have to face him normally.
Gunnar: Eddie, turns back rounds again.
Granitas: I have three riddles, and truth I seek. Here is my first: The ancient Germanics used a runic alphabet. What was the alphabet’s name?
Cauley: It’s called the Futhark.
Gunnar: Eddie, say Futharks.
Rolf: It doesn’t have an “s” on the end!
Eddie: Futhark.
Granitas: Truth accepted! Here is my second: Once there was a powerful king, and a warlord of Macedonia. He rode a wild steed named Bucephales. Who was he?
Eddie (whispering): At the age of nineteen, he became the Macedon king. (almost shouting) Alexander the Great!
Granitas: Truth accepted! Here is my third: Which king was killed in the Princes of the Tower murder?
Cauley: Eddie, say Edward V.
Eddie: Edward V!
Granitas: Truth accepted! Three is the score; your quest is to free the maid-
Rolf: Eddie, I’m having her first!
Cauley: We need to listen!
Granitas: A dark place. Never gamble!
Treguard: Quickly team, you’ve got a perfect score! Call out “I Command You” and gain a bonus!
Gunnar: Eddie, say “I Command You!”
Eddie (ecstatic): I Command You!
Granitas: Very well… Nothing grows in this infernal realm! Two rights make a wrong. Rock I was, and rock I now become!
Cauley: We’re not meant to take the pine cone or the dice.
Gunnar: Eddie, takes the key.
Rolf: Now turn around to your left. Walk forward.
Gunnar: Stops! Sidesteps once to your rights. Walks forwards.
(Eddie reaches the far end)
Rolf: Keep sidestepping to your right-
Cauley: Didn’t he say two rights make a wrong?
Eddie: Is there a door on my left as well as my right?
Gunnar: Yes, there is.
Cauley: I think he’s implying that we should take the left.
Eddie: Shall I sidestep to my left?
Rolf: Yep. Keep going.

Eddie: Where am I?
Rolf: You’re in some kind of a great hall. There are a lot of people in the room, and many people are just about to leave.
Treguard: Now listen team, this is the Great Hall. I wouldn’t linger here too long; most of the figures here are savage indeed. Except one, maybe.
(rattling noise, as a jester comes towards Eddie)
Folly: Hello there young dungeoneer. What’s your name?
Eddie: Eddie.
Folly: Eddie? A great name. Folly is my name, and folly is my nature. Foolishness my character, and fun my alma mater. Now then Eddie, do you like games (laughs)?
Eddie: Depends what the game is.
Folly: You must play a game of Chase the Lady. Listen at doors to follow your quest. Now the dungeon has many games. Enjoy the games, enjoy the dungeon! Folly must not tarry any longer! Now, I’m off! Hahahahahahaha!
Rolf: Okay, there’s 4 doors in the room. One is a Fire Exit and the other three have no clues at all. We should try the Fire Exit first. Can you take a single sidestep to your right? Once more. Now walk forward until I say stop.
(The only noise to be heard is burning.)
Rolf: It’s not that door. Step backwards three times and sidestep to your right. There’s a cry for help behind the door, so I think we should choose this one. Walk forward once, and behold the imaginations from the other side.

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: You’re ins a rooms with a cable lifts going to either end of the rooms. There’s a thin platforms and we needs to gets you across. What’s in the rooms?
Cauley: The room’s a bottomless pit except for a small machine to your right.
Rolf: The machine is separated by the pit. We only have a leaf and a key, I believe.
Gunnar: The keys won’t do anythings here, so let’s trys the leafs.
Treguard: Now team, I think I’ve seen these leaves before. Eddie must swing it towards the machine.
Rolf: Eddie, swing the leaf at the machine.
Eddie: Where is it?
Rolf: Eddie, turn to your right. Now swing the leaf straight in front of you.
(Eddie forces the leaf to bend whilst holding onto the bottom)
Gunnar: The machine’s started movings toward yous.
Rolf: Eddie, turn back to your left. Now as soon as I say walk forward, move quickly.
Eddie: Ok.
Rolf: Now!
Gunnar: You’re movings forwards, possibly to oblivions.
Rolf: We can’t see anything at the moment.
Cauley: Is that a door there?
Rolf: I think it is. Eddie, turn right quickly. Jump when I say. (1 second pause) JUMP!
Gunnar: There’s a doors theres aheads of you. Walk forward.

Eddie: Where am I?
Rolf: Eddie, you’re in a dark room. There are a lot of shadows in it.
Eddie: A whisper of death, a shadow of fear.
Treguard: Caution team. These shadows may not be fatal, but should you step among them they will begin to drain your life force.
Rolf: Eddie, we need to be careful not to step on any shadows.
: Welcome team to the Lair of Shadows. I trust you’ve met my master, Mogdred.
Eddie: I have. He seems rather sadistic to me.
Bolgrim: My name is Bolgrim. In Mogdred’s sleep, I guard the realm. You will go no further, for the doors are locked.
Rolf: He’s got a key.
Gunnar: Alrights. Eddie, we’re goings to finds the locked doors. Start moving along the outer rims of the rooms.
Rolf: Use the walls.
(Eddie begins moving around the left hand side)
Cauley: Bolgrim’s on your area of the room. Eddie, stop! That’s a shadow.
Rolf: That was close. Eddie, sidestep to your right twice. Walk forward once. Take a little step. Sidestep back left to the wall.
Treguard: Hurry now team, you’re wasting life force.
Gunnar: Eddie, start movings forward agains. STOPS!
(pause)
Gunnar: Eddie, I’ll needs you to jumps this shadows. Jumps forward!
Rolf: Eddie, you’re over the shadow now. You’re coming very close to Bolgrim.
Cauley: I think I faintly see a door. Eddie, walk forward. The door is coming clearer.
Gunnar: We can’ts avoids the shadows, can we?
Rolf: I think you’re right. Eddie, we’re almost out but we’ll need you to go past a shadow and possibly Bolgrim as well. Sidestep to your right once. And again.
Gunnar: Turn a bits to your lefts. Go back rights by a thirds of the turns you just mades.
Cauley: Hold up the key.
(Laughter sounds)
All 3 advisors: Now run forward, like the wind!

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: You’re in a rooms withs a wells. I thinks we shoulds go downs it. Walk forward.
Cauley: I think the room’s getting narrower.
Rolf: Eddie, be quick because I think the room is caving in.
Treguard: The only way is onwards, there is no turning back. You must enter the wellway, and the room is forcing you towards it. Unless you wish to be squashed by a wall of course, team. Hurry team, life force energy critical.
Gunnar: Eddie, that’s the wells. Climbs up and straights into its.
(Eddie climbs in)

Eddie's team have now made it to Level 2. I'm really proud of my Lair of Shadows idea; having written it I could quite vividly see it in my head.

I have finished writing the team's quest, but the first part of Level 2 is saved on a computer I have no access to until Sunday.

Treguard: Congratulations team, it appears you are in Level 2. Level 2 is a bit more dangerous than Level 1, if that’s possible.
Eddie: Where am I?
Cauley: You’re in a dark room. It looks a little bit like the Thurs rune in structure.
Rolf: The tongue part is lit, and there’s a man in there.
Treguard: Now be alert team, this is Gahrl. I don’t think he would mislead you, but he cannot control the knowledge he receives. And be polite; he can be dangerous if you’re on the wrong side of him.
Gunnar: Eddie, walk forward.
Rolf: Stop. Turn to your right. Eddie, can you say “Greetings?”
Eddie: Greetings.
Gahrl: Hello there, stranger. Sit down. Now, why are you disturbing me?
Eddie: I’m on a quest to free a maid.
Gahrl: The foolish maid. Oblivious to danger; following her friend the crazy jester here. However, I am sick of this dark place. I once worshipped Mogdred, but I have seen who he truly is. He cares for nothing but suffering. Now, Eddie: Choose your runes. Feel their energies, find those which call you and place them where I tell you to.
(Eddie chooses a few runes)
Gahrl: On this level, there is a door that must be taken on the left. I don’t think it’s the first left you’ll see, but it may well be the second. You’ll need some items. I see a man ahead; I think he is a war criminal. He’s committed many atrocities, so be prepared for a bribe. Time yourself with care. There’s no way back. There’s a savage prowling around this level, and I’m not sure when you’ll meet him. Be prepared. The witch wants her soup, and you will need to give it. Beware the false floor. There’s an inscription on the wall which should be read. You cannot alter the obstacles that lie ahead. Leave me. You may meet me later, but not for a while. Farewell, Eddie.
Treguard: It may be dark, but my keen eyes see the table you have missed.
Cauley: It’s right opposite Gahrl. Eddie, turn round and walk forward.
Gunnar: Can you sees the tables?
Eddie: Yep. On it there’s a chocolate bar, a bag of dust, some claws and a swastika.
Cauley: Could the war criminal be a Nazi?
Rolf: I thought that as well. Eddie, take the Swastika. Should we also take the dust?
Eddie: What about the savage he mentioned? Those claws are shiny as new.
Gunnar: I agrees withs Eddie. Takes the claw.
Rolf: And put the chocolate bar in your knapsack. Now turn around. Walk forward. Stop. Turn 90 degrees left and go forward.

Eddie: Where am I?
Treguard: Caution team, this room is the Wall of Spears. Watch the spears and Eddie carefully – I wouldn’t think about one of them going through Eddie!
Rolf: Eddie, you’re in a square room with spears all over the walls. Every so often, they fire at the opposite wall. There are skulls everywhere in the room. You’ll need to follow my instructions very carefully, ok?
Eddie: I think you should look for patterns in their movement.
Gunnar: That spears to the lefts doesn’t moves I don’t thinks.
Rolf: Which means we can get safely in line with it.
(Pause)
Rolf: Eddie, when I say forward move one large step very quickly.
(Pause)
Rolf: NOW!
Cauley: We’re past that one. He’s right in line with one!
Rolf: Eddie, quickly sidestep to your left once!
Gunnar: He can’ts stay theres can he? Shoulds we risks a mad dash?
Cauley: Gunnar’s right. I think I’ve worked out a pattern.
Rolf: I agree. Eddie, run forward. Run to the hills and for our lives as well as your own!
(Eddie runs forward)
Gunnar: Sidesteps once to your rights, quickly. Keeps sidestepping rights. Stop. Walk forward.

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: You’re in a rooms with a doors on the lefts and one on the right. There’s a mans in the rooms, and he look fairlys dangerous.
Cauley: That man looks like a Nazi to me.
Treguard: Caution team, this man is dangerous indeed. I believe his name is Sturma Liebschraffen. He has killed many in a past war, and I’m sure he won’t hesitate to do the same to you.
Rolf: Greet the man, but be careful. We think he’s a Nazi.
Eddie: Greetings.
Sturma Liebschraffen (very severely): Who are you? Why do you disturb me?!
Eddie: I’m on a quest to free a maid.
Cauley: Tell him you honor Jeff Schoep.
Rolf and Gunnar: What?
Cauley: I used to be a supporter of a Neo-Nazi organisation. I’m not anymore, but I remember the name well.
Eddie (Nazi salute): Heil Jeff Schoep!
Sturma Liebschraffen: You know him. My hope in a world far from here. In this forbidden world, there is no hope. Now, I will ask you three questions about the Nazis, and you must answer all three truthfully. Ignorance of my master will result in death! Here is my first: Name the Angel of Death; he who conducted many wonderful experiments on villains.
Rolf: I saw Slayer live in 2007. Was his name Auschwitz?
Cauley: The Angel of Death was Joseph Mengele. Say that, Eddie.
Eddie: Joseph Mengele!
Sturma Liebschraffen: Truth Accepted! Here is my second: Why did we want to increase the size of Germany?
Eddie: Living Space.
Cauley: NO!!!! Eddie, say Liebenschraum!
Eddie (very quickly): Lieschbenraum!
Sturma Liebschraffen: How dare you insult my master?! If only Auschwitz was still inhabited…
Eddie: I have a swastika for you.
Sturma Liebschraffen: Are you trying to bribe me? That is an insult!
Eddie: It’s not a bribe. It’s a present!
Sturma Liebschraffen: If it’s a present, I’ll take it. I think it’s a bribe as well though. Die in the name of Hitler, loose tongued fool!
Rolf: Eddie, give him the finger and run!
Gunnar: Isn’t hes going to hits the walls?
(Eddie hits a wall)
Gunnar: Eddie, sidesteps to your rights. Turn rounds. Runs forwards. Turns lefts and escapes!
Rolf: Phew. That was a close call.

Eddie: Where am I?
Rolf: You’re in a-
Treguard: Caution team, this is a dwarf tunnel. I think we’ll see many of them in this area. There may be a dwarf around here.
Gunnar: Eddie has a fetishes for dwarf doesn’t he?
Rolf: No. It’s elves he’s obsessed with.
Gunnar (slightly embarassed): Eddie, you’re in a dwarf tunnel. Keep going forwards. Okay then. You’re almost at the end of the tunnel.
(Eddie exits the tunnel)
Rolf: Eddie-
Eddie: Where am I?
Rolf: You’re in a small room. There’s two doors; one to the left and one to the right. I don’t think there’s anything in the room.
Eddie: Is this the second left since Gahrl?
Gunnar: I believes it is.
Rolf (whispering but shouting): Get him out through the left!
Gunnar: Okay Eddie. Walk forward three steps. Sidestep to your left until you reach the door.
(Eddie returns into another tunnel)
Gunnar: You’ve just gones back into a dwarfs tunnels. Keeps goings forward.
(Eddie exits the tunnel)
Eddie: Where am I?
Rolf: You’re in a small room and there’s a dark dwarf in there. There are a lot of tables and weapons in there.
Dark Dwarf: Away from me, intruder. Leave me to my crafts.
Rolf: Eddie, turn to your left. Tell him you’re not an intruder, but are here to free a maid.
Eddie: I’m not an intruder, I’m here to free a maid.
Dark Dwarf: A dungeoneer, eh? Well, you’re from Midgard but where am I from?
Gunnar: Eddie, say Svartalfheim.
Eddie: Svartalfheim.
Dark Dwarf: At least you have knowledge. Well then, I’ll give you a spell. It’s called TRUTH. Answer this: I crafted a torture device. There’s a door in it and on its hidden side there’s some spikes. Name this device.
Eddie: Iron Maiden!
Dark Dwarf: Indeed. And Iron Maiden is in fact the first step.
Eddie: Thanks for the advice.
Dark Dwarf: Now leave me to my crafts. You may be knowledgeable but you’re time-wasting.
Rolf: Eddie, turn to your right. Sidestep to your right once. Walk forward.
(another dwarf tunnel)
Cauley: It looks like you’ve just entered another tunnel. You’re in the middle of it this time and we can’t see how long it is. Turn to your right and walk forward.
(Eddie walks to the end)
Treguard: Unfortunate, team. It looks like there’s no door here.
Rolf: Eddie, turn around and walk forwards. We’ve guided you the wrong way.
Treguard: It looks like a savage has found Eddie.
Savage: Grrrrrr!!! Hunger!!!!
Gunnar: Eddie, drops the claw in fronts of you. Sidesteps to your rights twice.
(the savage moves towards the claws and not Eddie)
Gunnar: The savages is movings towards the claw rather than you. Runs forward!

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: You’re in a rooms with a Vikings. He appear to be advancings.
Treguard: This is Olaf. I really hoped I wouldn’t see this Scandinavian tourist, but here he is nonetheless.
Gunnar: Eddie, tell him the lines of The Pursuit of Vikings.
Rolf: Not yet.
Olaf: Be haltings, strange persons. Loot, pillage or kill!
Eddie: You forgot rape.
Olaf: Loot, pillage, rape or kill!
Eddie: None of those. Odin! Guide our ships, our axes, spears and swords! Guide us through storms that whip, and in brutal war!
Olaf: Follower of Odin!
Treguard: Olaf isn’t particularly clever; let’s just say that.
Gunnar: Eddie, tricks him into a ruses.
Eddie: In Odin’s name, I need to get past you.
Olaf: Olaf would always let a followers of Odin through! Now, the second steps is Amon Amarth.
Rolf: His English is better than yours, Gunnar.
Gunnar: Shut ups, Rolf!
Treguard: Hurry now team, your life force is low.
Gunnar: Eddie, there’s some dried fish just to your right. Turn right and kneel down. Place it in your knapsack.
Rolf: Okay Eddie, turn back to your left. Walk forward until I say stop. Stop. Sidestep to your right. And again. And again. Once more. Walk forward.

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: You’re in a bare room. There’s quite a few doors and they’ve all got portcullises on. There appears to be a mattress made of nails in one corner.
(Mogdred appears)
Mogdred: Well, well, if it isn’t Eddie. You’ve done well to come this far, I must say. But as you can see, the doors ahead are locked.
Eddie (rebelliously): I think you’re a sadistic bastard. Open a door for me or I’ll open it myself. (Gunnar and Rolf laugh.)
Mogdred: I do not fall for insults or threats. What could you possibly do to me, puny one? This is one of Mogdred’s little playpens. The inhabitant will soon return – what can you possibly do? He has no fear. Join me; we do not believe in fear or petty restrictions. We live in total freedom, and are far stronger than humans. Foolish mortal (laughs hysterically).
Eddie (shouting really loud): I really don’t think all the doors are truly locked.
Rolf: Spellcasting T-R-U-T-H!
(a door opens)
Mogdred: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (disappears)
Treguard: I think the inhabitant will soon be returning. Hurry now, before he does.
Gunnar: Eddie, one of the door has opened. Sidestep to your lefts. Walks forward.
Rolf: Take a small sidestep to your left. Now walk forward.
Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: Eddie, you’re ins a small rooms with some kinds of a bikers.
Rolf: I think he might be a Hells Angel.
Biker: Who are you? And why do you disturb my sleep?
Eddie: I’m a dungeoneer.
Biker: What’s your name then, intruder?
Eddie: I’m Eddie.
Biker: Eddie? Last time I knew, there was a Bandido named Eddie.
Cauley: Eddie, tell him you’ve always hated the Bandidos.
Eddie: I’ve always hated the Bandidos.
Biker: You look just like him to me.
Eddie: I once met a Bandido. He was an ugly **** who was overweight. He threatened me and got a good asskicking.
(The advisors all laugh)
Biker: Well, if that’s so I will help you. I miss my horse and am stuck here.
Eddie: You might also want to know that I like Saxon.
Biker: Saxon, eh? I always loved the band. In fact, the third step is Saxon-
Gunnar: This is the mosts amazing quests ever.
Biker: Take the door on the right. You’ve met its occupant before. I’m gifting you a spell called AXE; you’ll need it. Now, off you go. Beat some more Bandidos for me, will you?
Eddie: Most definitely.
Biker: Good man.
Rolf: Eddie, sidestep to your left once. And again. Now walk forward.
Gunnar: Keeps sidestepping to your rights untils I say stop. Stop. Two step forwards and another sidesteps to the rights.

Eddie: Where am I?
Rolf: You’re in a room with a serpent. The serpent is strangling Velda, the elf we met earlier.
Eddie: Should we cast AXE?
Gunnar: Spellcastings A-X-E!
(the axe appears and begins chopping up the serpent)
Rolf: There’s a giant axe and it’s chopping up the serpent.
Eddie: I wish I could see that.
Gunnar: Eddie, it look likes you mights gets an elves.
Eddie: Can I take the helmet off?
Rolf: Don’t you dare! I can’t imagine what’ll happen next!
Treguard (laughing): I think it’s best we don’t know, team.
Velda: Eddie. I don’t know how I can thank you. The portal you mentioned – I did find it but it closed just as I was approaching it. I have been saved from my death. I will aid you for three rooms. When you are through three rooms I will go my own way. You are my friend, and we of the elven kin will be eternally gracious.
Rolf: Oh no.
Gunnar: The elf’ll soon chucks him outs of their kingdoms.
Eddie: Pleasure to have a friend.
Velda: Eddie, take my hand. The door to Level 3 is just here.

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: It looks like you’re in a frozen room. There’s no life in the room. In one corner there’s a wellway.
Treguard: Indeed, team. There’s no life on Level 3, so this is a rather fitting room. However, there doesn’t seem to be any danger.
Velda: Eddie, there’s a large hole. I don’t think even an elf can jump it. Do you have any steps to this?
Eddie: Yes I do. I’ve got three.
Gunnar: The first steps is Iron Maiden.
Eddie (singing): Run to the hills! Run for your lives!
(first step appears)
Rolf: The second step is Amon Amarth.
Eddie: Raise your swords up high, hear the blackbirds cry!
(second step appears)
Cauley: The third step is Saxon.
Eddie: She’s got wheels, wheels of steel!
(third step appears)
Velda: Eddie, the steps have opened a path through the hole. Now follow me to the wellway.
Rolf: Get your ass in there.
Gunnar: Don’ts be so harsh on hims.
(Eddie climbs in)

Level 3:
Treguard: Levels 1 and 2 seemed dark enough, didn’t they? Welcome to Level 3, team.
Velda: I have never been to Level 3. This cursed place seems like hell itself. Utterly evil.
(a savage approaches)
Velda: Now Eddie, step back. I will take care of him.
(Velda fires a dagger which stuns the savage)
Eddie: You’re an amazing fighter. I could learn some dagger throwing skills from you.
Velda: Eddie, there’s two doors in this room. Which one should I take?
Rolf: Say “the one on the right.”
Eddie: The one on the right.
Velda: Very well.
(Velda moves Eddie forward)

Eddie: Where am I?
Velda: I think this is the Level 3 Clue Room. Let’s see what’s on the table.
(Velda inspects)
Velda: There’s a bone, there’s an orange,a green sheet of paper and a shield. I can give you one more clue before I return.
Eddie: First off, can I have the orange?
Velda: Here you go. I learned that there’s a dog on Level 3 somewhere. Anyhow, thank you very much. I look forward to seeing your quest succeed, and if anyone can do it it’s you. Now Eddie, you’re in the hands of your advisors. Farewell my friend.
Eddie: Farewell.
Treguard: Now listen team, I would choose carefully.
(Mogdred appears)
Mogdred: Welcome to Level 3 bold dungeoneer. (laughs) This is really getting tiresome. I enjoy watching fear. And now, I shall observe yours. And to you screen readers; I don’t worry about you. Those who aren’t brave enough to enter the dungeon must be scared to read of it. Come out, children of the Dystopia of Freedom!
Eddie: I think the shield would be more useful than green paper.
Cauley: I agree.
Rolf: Eddie, sidestep to your left once and run forward. There’s savages approaching from all corners of the room. Now sidestep to your right. Run forward. STOP! Sidestep to your right twice. Walk forward.

Eddie: Where am I?
Gunnar: Eddie, you’re ins a corridors. Savage are runnings through it.
Rolf: There seems to be a lot of blood in the corridor.
Treguard: Nowhere to hide here team; you’ll have to guide Eddie to clear parts of the corridor.
Rolf: Eddie, sidestep to your left.
Gunnar: Get to your rights, quicklys! Stay there!
Cauley: He needs to move right once these two are past.
Rolf: When I say “go” move all the way to the right hand wall. GO!
Cauley: Eddie, go all the way to the left. Quickly!
Gunnar: That one in the middles is movings faster. Eddie, takes one steps backward.
Rolf: Sidestep to your right very quickly. AND AGAIN!
(The savage touches Eddie and ferociously tears him with his claws. Mogdred appears, laughing like a maniac. The death bell sounds.)

Treguard: Ooh, nasty! It looks like Eddie is about to be torn apart. Whilst Eddie may be being picked at like pieces of mango in this world, he appears to have survived your world. Still, Level 3 is undisputedly difficult and you’ve done well to get this far. Spellcasting U-N-I-T-E.
Rolf: Ed’s dead!
Gunnar: Don’t rubs it in, Rolf.
Rolf: I wanted a go on the maid.
Gunnar: So dids I.
(Cauley says nothing)

Please tell me what you think of this, of the team, the individual rooms and the generally darker theme. Would you say the darkness is enhanced well enough?