They would never say...

For all the comedians out there.
Post Reply
Lord_Bob

Re: They would never say...

Post by Lord_Bob »

Mrs G: Hello Deary, I would threaten to set my Festus on you, but it turns out he was a rare breed of three headed dog. He made us a fortune at Crufts and we sold him off to a dog kennel. But dont worry I can still threaten you, get him Grestus!
*kitten rubs dungeoneers leg*
Treguard: Warning team massive life force drain!
User avatar
KaM
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 330
Joined: 31 May 2003, 01:56
Location: London
Contact:

Re: They would never say...

Post by KaM »

Mrs G alternative: Well, deary - I would threaten to set my Festus on you, but it turns out that at the beginning of the series, he had three heads; before my hubby bit one of them off. Then had two heads, but still the same three personalities and barking voice ranges. During the intermittant period of phase shift, my hubby got so fraught by the exploding dungeon that he bit the other off too. Now poor old Festus had one head, with the three personalities; so all I can say is look into the crystal ball; know that Festus-spirit will inhabit the to-be dead red dragon at the climax of S6 and return resurrected in S8 as Bal-Shebah, UNDERSTOOD!?

Good.. coz I didn't.
Knightmarian. alphavillean. Marvellian.
User avatar
JamesA
Fright Knight
Fright Knight
Posts: 1575
Joined: 25 Jul 2004, 10:33
Location: London

Re: They would never say...

Post by JamesA »

Morghanna: "Ah, I'm feeling generous Martin, since no-one has won on Series 3 yet I shall let you pass without being hurt."
Last edited by Anonymous on 28 Oct 2003, 23:32, edited 1 time in total.
James Aukett
Creator of the Knightmare: 25th Anniversary Documentary
Lord_Bob

Re: They would never say...

Post by Lord_Bob »

Mogdred: Pledge Alligence to me
Dungeoneer: Ok then
Treguard: You betraying little whelp! Well I believe this quest is over. *turning to advisors* DISMISS. *advisors disappear* Now see how well you do!
Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2578
Joined: 30 Sep 2003, 16:01

Re: They would never say...

Post by Drassil »

Series 3 Goblin: 'Well, actually, Julie - hey, hey, stop it, you guys, I'm trying to talk to the Dungeoneer - our skin gets pretty flaky, without natural light and a proper diet and what have you; so if you could get us some moisturiser - it doesn't have to be too fancy, just a decent-sized bottle from a reputable shop - that'd be great, and we wouldn't have to, like, kill you.'

Adviser: 'OK, Julie, tell the goblins you don't have any moisturiser, but would they like...'

[Treguard chews on his knuckles]
Knightmare: Kid-worthy, Naasty, Inspiring, Groundbreaking, Humorous, Treguard, Mesmerising, Adult-worthy, Rewarding, Essential.
Lord_Bob

Re: They would never say...

Post by Lord_Bob »

Hordriss: Yo yo yo Dungeoneer, like my new medallion? Dontcha think its totally bling. Now I is wantin u 2 bring me back a bit of crack.

Dungeoneer: *Puts on helmet*
Treguard: Now Majida, now!
Majida: *Whacks him over the head*
*Dungeoneer wakes up to find himself on a slave ship*
User avatar
JamesA
Fright Knight
Fright Knight
Posts: 1575
Joined: 25 Jul 2004, 10:33
Location: London

Re: They would never say...

Post by JamesA »

Elita: "My mouth is so small you couldn't even fit a pea in it"
James Aukett
Creator of the Knightmare: 25th Anniversary Documentary
Lord_Bob

Re: They would never say...

Post by Lord_Bob »

How the Helmet of Justice came to be
*Dungeoneer enters*
Treguard: Off you go then
*Dungeoneer wins quest easily without helmet on*
Treguard: Well done our 10th winner this season out of 10
Dungeoneer: That was so easy I could do it blindfolde
Tim Child: Hmmmm
MPK
Level 3 Dungeoneer
Level 3 Dungeoneer
Posts: 280
Joined: 12 Mar 2003, 21:01
Location: Nottingham

Re: They would never say...

Post by MPK »

Treguard; "Now you are ready for your quest. That is if you dont want to change your mind now?"

Dungeoneer; "Erm, well, as you come to mention it, I do! I mean I just saw the last guy die, I thought he was gonna win, but now, I know have no chance at all! Sorry to waste your time!"

Treguard; "Err, right, erm yes, ok! Pickle, you'll just have to go instead!"
Once again returning... and once again going just as fast!
http://www.abadeducation.com
Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2578
Joined: 30 Sep 2003, 16:01

Re: They would never say...

Post by Drassil »

[Dungeoneer is sliced on the Corridor Of Blades]

Treguard: My gosh, one of the blades got him!

Pickle: He's bleeding quite badly, Master. Both halves.

Treguard: Oh *?@#! Pickle, get down to the Anglia TV Canteen - I believe the Friday serving lady did a First Aid course. Quickly!

Adviser [crying]: Is he gonna be OK?

Treguard: I don't know. I don't KNOW! [Lifts one arm of his chair, to reveal a phone handset. Dials.] Yes, Ambulance, please...
Knightmare: Kid-worthy, Naasty, Inspiring, Groundbreaking, Humorous, Treguard, Mesmerising, Adult-worthy, Rewarding, Essential.
FrightKnight
Knight
Knight
Posts: 600
Joined: 06 Nov 2003, 00:22
Location: Doom Fortress
Contact:

Re: They would never say...

Post by FrightKnight »

Series 8...

Treguard: Quiche force fading...!
"A rotting pie! Oh no, I'm dead!"
Fidjit
Fright Knight
Fright Knight
Posts: 1932
Joined: 06 Mar 2003, 10:27
Location: Isle of Wight

Re: They would never say...

Post by Fidjit »

- - - SERIES 5 TEAM 4 - - -

Ben: Look, I know you like green gems, but I like red, my T-shirt proves it. So I guess you aren't going to help...

Elita: (snatches the gem off of him) Ahh, stuff it!
Last edited by Fidjit on 06 Nov 2003, 16:13, edited 1 time in total.
If the only way is onward how would you get home for tea?? :-/
Drassil
Senior Staff
Senior Staff
Posts: 2578
Joined: 30 Sep 2003, 16:01

Re: They would never say...

Post by Drassil »

Treguard: 'Enter, Stranger!'

Voice from behind wall: 'What, pass through a solid wall? I'm a prepubescent kid from Taunton! Magic's your department!'
Knightmare: Kid-worthy, Naasty, Inspiring, Groundbreaking, Humorous, Treguard, Mesmerising, Adult-worthy, Rewarding, Essential.
Emii
Fright Knight
Fright Knight
Posts: 1556
Joined: 27 Nov 2002, 17:07
Location: Aberystwyth
Contact:

Re: They would never say...

Post by Emii »

Treguard holds the staff high above his head and calls:

"By the power of Greystagg...I have...THE POWAAAAAAAAAR!"

*Majida morphs into a mighty battle-b!tch*
"The alarm, Master! The opposition's tracked them! Oh good grief...look - Lord Fear's frozen Christopher!"
FrightKnight
Knight
Knight
Posts: 600
Joined: 06 Nov 2003, 00:22
Location: Doom Fortress
Contact:

Re: They would never say...

Post by FrightKnight »

Dungeoneer: I can see the cup that heals!

Treguard: Excellent team, now take it and exit through that door!

Dungeoneer: Hold on, I can also see the sword, the crown and a lost maid!

Treguard: Er, you just leave those for another dungeoneer.

Dungeoneer: Why? I may as well take them all.

Treguard: Well, er...you can only take two objects at a time...

Dungeoneer: No, it's alright, i can manage with all four of them. Even the maid...

(Treguard mutters under breath)

*Later, with new team*

Treguard: Well, team. You can choose your quest objects. You can search for the bucket that protects, the broom that sweeps, the...er...kitten that meows or...er...Pickle, just go off into the dungeon for a bit. Let the dungeoneers find you.

Pickle: But what if the dungeoneer gets killed before they reach me?

Treguard: Well, that's a risk you'll just have to take. Now, off with you you silly sprite.
"A rotting pie! Oh no, I'm dead!"
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests