Knightmare.com

The Dreadnought: "Hello, sir. I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations."

Treguard: "Join us again for Knightmare. Until next time, good pie!"

Or...

"Join us again for Knightmare. Until next time, Good guy!"

Or...

"Join us again for Knightmare. Until next time, Good fry!"

Mogdred: "Your only hope to reach level three now is to pledge yourself to me, and come as my servant. Well, will you pledge yourself to me? We need a twelth man out here! Come on, let's be having you!"

The Delia Smith School of Public Speaking - Now Taking Resitrations

Brollachan: "I hunger, why don't you feed me with some rock cakes"

*As the mine cart crashes in level Three, Mogdred appears*
Mogdred: (anguished) 40 Years! I've had my no claims bonus insurance for 40 years! 40 Years! 40 Years!
*Mogdred proceeds to follow the dungeoneer throughout the remainder of the quest, wailing "40 years!" over and over*

Bhal Shebah:
"Now the only question is: chilled or frozen?"

Wall Puzzle -
"What is the Quadratic Equation Of celsius Pie?"


Guard: Halt - None Shall Pass Without Gold
Dungeoneer: I have gold for you
*Gives Gold To Guard*
*Dungeoneer Tries To Pass*
Guard: NONE SHALL PASS WITHOUT GOLD
Dungeoneer: But I Just Gave You The Gold
Guard: No, You Need To HAVE The Gold To Pass.
*Gives Gold Back*
Guard: Shall We Try This Again?



Treguard: Err... Cauppacinno with some of those cheesy biscuits..

Or "Nice Tea!"

http://knightmare.com/series/3/170.jpg
"I can't believe its not butter!" I like that one!

Lissard to Lord Fear: 'Sssssso long, and thanksssss for all the fish.'

Brother Mace: "Resistance is useless!"

On a side note, I urge all right-thinking Knightmare fans to watch Hitchhikers Guide on BBC2 tonight (10th May 2005) As Michael Cule, Rayner Bourton and David Learner all appear in tonight's episode.

Treguard: 'Oooh, https://www.bing.com/mapspreview?mmclas ... 000&icon=x !'

---

Treguard: 'This is your knapsack - that's right, sling it over your shoulder - for any food you find. It will restore your energy, but in this phase of the Dungeon, it's not without waste. So here is your crapsack. When it feels full, be sure to empty it, or you risk Life Force damage...'

---

Treguard: Come in, stranger!

[Instead of a child, Richard O'Brien enters, followed by six breathless, shell-suited adults.]

Richard: Righto, team, what will the next game in the Mediaeval Zone be?

Team captain: Uh... I think we'll have a Mystery...

Richard: A Mystery game! And who's to play this Mystery game?

Team captain: Uh... Shaun!

Richard: Shaun to play a Mystery game!

[Richard drags one of the team across the antechamber, to the Dungeon entrance. The others run over too, and giggle. He pulls a sand-timer out of his jacket.]

Richard: Shaun, you have two minutes from the very second you're through the door. Go!

[Shaun is pushed into the Dungeon. The others watch on the magic mirror as he appears in the Corridor of Blades, and all shout at once. Treguard groans.]

Richard: [Turning to Treguard.] Oh, it's not so bad. It could have been a Fort Boyard crossover. [Begins to play his harmonica.]

Brilliant Drassil! I can picture it all in my head- two great elements of knightmare and crystal maze in one.
lol Richard O'Brien might seem a little insensitive if he was to continue playing that harmonica when poor old shaun bites the blades. Then again, it would be great if he were to do a harmonica encore to 'ooh nasty'.

Back to they would never say:
Treguard in antechamber: Pickle! Don't worry yourself, I'll get it.

Pickle: No! I insist master I'll get the questbook.

Treguard: No, I'll get it.

Pickle: No, I always keep the watchers updated on quest progress master its my job.

Treguard: Its ok, I'll get it.

*They simultaneously grab the book and start having a tug of war over the pages- gradually ripping the book to shreds*

By this time, the advisors are already fed up with waiting and on their way home.

Treguard: Ahhhh, they've gone, we can stop our pretend fighting now. A day off from being dungeonmaster at last.

Pickle: A day off from being your ****** assistant!

Treguard: shush elf or I really will rip your ears off next time!

Enter... Stranger

*Tregurad looks puzzled... there is no dungeneer at the door*

Thats strange, where is the dungeoneer?

*The advisors all look at Treguard, then at the door*

What, Is there something on my shoe?

*Treguard looks down, and there is a reeeeaaally small person in the doorway*

Oh.... Err

*Pulls out pocket radio*

This is roger niner Tetley Bravo, we need a smaller helmet over...

Pickle: [Addressing the Watchers] I say, you lot. Don't go.

Treguard: What's the matter, you silly sprite? I thought you didn't like the Watchers.

Pickle: I get lonely trying to sleep here, Master. It's worse than an NES hospital ward.

Treguard: NES?

Pickle: National Elf Service.

Treguard: [Keeling over at the awful pun] Aaagh... now I need a hospital. Will the NES have a bed for me?

Pickle: There is a bed. There's always a bed. But it won't be easy to find...