You too, Jim - I'll hijack your parody ideas before you've thought of them, but not after.
Billy, very good. I hope that my own reworking of a recent song, which I know to be a favourite of yours, will serve as an ample reward.
Pre-Series 6. An actress with big ideas, who brought two ready-made characters to her first audition but failed, is determined to try again. Perhaps coming up with a third character will clinch it for her. Based on Grace Kelly by Mika. Lyrics, Video.
"I wanna work for you."
"The last time you auditioned, Miss Kennedy, you reduced me to tears. I promise it won't happen again."
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my easy smile?
Am I too ditzy?
Am I too glitzy?
Do I like what you like?
I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
Guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me?
Maybe you'll like me after my second try
I tried to be a Greystaggy
But all her looks were too sad
So I tried a little Maggie
I've gone identity mad!
I could be thick
I could be quick
I could be a sorceress
I could be fruitful
I could be neutral
I could be maiden in distress
Gotta be keen
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
You know I'm serious
Give me three series
Or I will cry on your floor!
"Being dramatic doesn't solve anything."
When there's a quest on
I'll give suggestions
I'll help the dungeoneer think
I'll show them beauty
I'll show them duty
Putting my life on the brink
I'll be compelling
Maybe dispelling
I'd even beat up an elf
Do I need leverage
Should I show cleavage just to be put on your shelf?
I tried to be a Greystaggy
But all her looks were too sad
So I tried a little Maggie
I've gone identity mad!
I could be blonde
I own a wand
Iona Ke-ennedy
I could be magic
I could be tragic
I'd be on Levels 1 2 3
Gotta be green
Gotta bluescreen?
Gotta be everything more
No one's immortal
People need portals
Why don't I show them the door?
Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But I can be just what every watching child thinks you should want
I could be grey
I could be fay
I could be spiffing with spells
I could be surly
I could be girly
I could be anything that sells
Give me a part
When do I start?
I want to be in the cast
I think you oughta
Make me a daughter
Sidriss - at last!
[Delirious, she runs into a table, bangs her leg and collapses in pain, wishing she'd worn...]
A shiiiin-GUARD!
---
Back a few decades for one that I hope two forum members in particular will appreciate. Plus the one inadvertently name-checked in the first verse.
Based on I Am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel. Lyrics, Video.A journey West
In a deep and dark Descender
I on my way
Wolfenden, I coming to your streets and square
For a freshly filmed sixth series of Knightmare
I am Ah Wok
I am from China
I have stall
Emporium o' many
I even give it wheels
I no like Scaramonger, accent is no good
Mine better and it mean I can be rewd
I am Ah Wok
I am on Knightmare
Don't talk of Fear
Well I've heard the name before
It keeps me out of Level 3
I won't disturb the witches, or fight the Samurai
[Just then, Ah Mok appears, and shoos Ah Wok away. He takes over the song.]
Right you done a year and now you say bye-bye
You were Ah Wok
You were annoying
I have her boobs
And my special sauce to protect me
I am gifted in my humour
I made dodgy deals, now evilness appeals
I touch Morgaine and Morgaine touches me
I am Ah Mok
I am a legend
And Ah Mok feels Morgaine
And a Knightmare never dies
---
Finally, another from the 80s. It's a lazy effort on my part, but watch the video at 1:22 and tell me it wasn't meant to be.
Based on Holiday Road by Lindsey Buckingham.Level 3, lotta bricks
It's a long way down to Jericho 6
Jericho 6
Jericho 6
Team has brains and team has brawn
But they can't survive 'cause they left the horn
Jericho 6
Jericho 6
Can't use spell, key or tricks
Only one way past this Jericho 6
Jericho 6
Jericho 6