Whack or Bite (parody of Black or White by Michael Jackson)

[Drassil]

Sung by Lord Fear to the tune of Black or White by Michael Jackson. (Song starts at 2:40.)

My dragon Bhal-Shebah's behaviour is crass
Hit me with a fireball and burned half my room
So I took away his firepower
Only now he can't decide how to fight
I told him, "It's not important:
Doesn't matter if you whack or bite."

Bhal said, "I think that if we meet dungeoneers
We should sink our teeth in like kebab sticks or spears."
But Shebah said, "That's low quality:
We should swing our tail and clobber them. Right?"
I told him, "It's not important:
Doesn't matter if you whack or bite."

I am tired of this dragon
I am finding him duff
I just want him to kill things
How? Well I don't give a stuff
I ain't scared of you, Treguard
I ain't scared of your teams
I ain't gonna surrender
No wait, I might - in your dreams

Be careful! 'Cause we're Opposition
Helmets on, but keeping our vision
It's a turf war on a Dungeon scale
I got a dragon with teeth and a tail
And he isn't like Smirky: he's murky. Quirky
OK, truth be told he's very jerky
He's got two personae
I need to lobotomise now really, don' I?

And both of him agreed with me:
Now he's Firestorm and he's seen the light
And I've given him back his fire
So he doesn't need to whack or bite