Well, I'm not sure what to say because I started to read it and didn't want to review without finishing it, but personally I'm finding it fairly difficult to read since it is more like a script than a piece of fiction. I actually didn't think ff.net allowed stuff in script form (don't quote me on that) but I suppose if you don't get caught you're fine
Either way, personally I'm having difficulty plodding through it. If you'd like to make it a little more reader friendly for a wider audience, perhaps you could put it into prose form, it may help, but this is nothing more than a suggestion since I may well be the only one struggling with it.
"(Treguard walks into his anti-chamber with his sword out.)" did make me giggle though. Bad Emii
"The alarm, Master! The opposition's tracked them! Oh good grief...look - Lord Fear's frozen Christopher!"
