Remixed Knightmare

For all the comedians out there.
Drassil
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

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[Series 2, Team 8]

Stuart: Where am I?

Advisors: You're in a big room. There's a pendulum swinging backwards and forwards. And sitting on the pendulum there's a na-

Treguard: Oh dear. This wasn't meant to happen for another 25 years. If ever. Bear with me a moment, team. Dispel: Y-E-L-I-M! There. You may proceed.

Stuart: What happened? I just saw a pair of Doc Martens fall on the floor.

Treguard: Do not concern yourself with them, Stuart. There's only room for one DM around here.
Drassil
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

Post by Drassil »

In the Geek Week episode thread, I wrote:The 11th Doctor regenerating into the 12th Doctor will be hard pushed to follow the 1st Treguard regenerating into the 1st Treguard. :D
[Veruca completes the REFRESH spell and Treguard spins himself young. He looks around.]

Treguard: Kidsies! I've got new kidsies. I don't like the colour.

[Silence.]

Treguard: They're not... green enough.

Veruca: [Sighing] Not this again. Spellcasting: R! E! V! E! A! L!

Stuart: Aaaaand what does that spell?

Veruca: REVEAL!

[Treguard turns into Lissard.]

Veruca: Well, the scales have fallen from my eyes. Must we do this every Monday? There's no fish here. Now get out!

Lissard: But... I've lost my kiteness. It blew through oneness ofness yourness windowsness.

Stuart: You should have used a harness.

Veruca: Tough luck. Finders keepers.

Emma: Is that coming back too?

Veruca: Go on, back to Lord Fear with you. Out!

[Lissard scurries out. A few moments later, Treguard walks in holding a Bhal-Shebah kite.]

Dan: Is it really him?

Phil: Yep, blue and white tick thing on his beard. He's verified.

Veruca: Master Treguard!

Treguard: And who the hobgoblins are you?

[Everyone starts to answer at once.]

Treguard: Never mind. Just one question. [He holds up the kite.] Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

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[Series 3, Quest 4, Level 2. Leo and his advisors are listening to the Oracle.]

Oracle: When faced with death, you must go left, or you from life will be bereft.

[Jeremy Corbyn runs in.]

Corbyn: Thank you!

[Corbyn runs out.]

Leo: Who was that?

Treguard: I don't know. He appeared neither to be from your time nor mine. I can't imagine how he got in. Or will get in. Perhaps it was his penchant for knapsacks.

Oracle: HOGG helped him. He got some of their mines reopened.

Treguard: Ah.

Oracle: You'll look like him in about 26 years, you know.

Treguard: Oh come off it, love!
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

Post by Mashibinbin »

Just spotted this thread for the first time - I love it! Great contributions everyone.
Canadanne
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

Post by Canadanne »

Lord_Bob wrote:Sarah: Ok there is a clue table up here, i think I know what to do.
Helen: Thats good because I had nothing ttt-to say
William: We need a token so I think we should pick up the arrow
Sarah: Ok, the poison doesnt look to good does it
Keeley: "Anything!"
Bwahaha! ;D
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

Post by Canadanne »

[Just after the departure of Series 6 Team 3]

Advisor Jim: "OK Alan, you're back home in St Albans, you're on a street so you're not gonna fall off anything, you're definitely safe now..."

(ominous rumble)
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

Post by Mystara »

Wasn't there only one Alan from St Albans?
Drassil
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

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[Series 5, Quest 4. Ben has redeemed the Shield and is handed the frightknight trophy.]

Ben: Thank you so much. I lost the eyeshield out there but who cares? Woo! I couldn't have done this on my own. I'd like to thank my team, my family, Anglia Television, Tim Child, the beautiful city of Norwich, but most of all Hordriss...

Pickle: Of course. For giving you the two spells you needed to win, along with generous hints as to which one to use at which point.

Ben: ...The real, unsung hero of my quest...

Treguard: Really?

Ben: ...Who made this cape appear on me when I entered Winteria. It stuck by me all the way, stopped me from freezing my knapsack off and kept my Life Force from running out. Without Hordriss, the Winterian chill would have been Kipling, I mean crippling.

[Grudging applause from Treguard and Pickle. Hordriss appears in the Magic Mirror. He is blushing.]

Hordriss: Well. One does make exceedingly good capes.
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

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[End of Series 8]

Treguard: Well I will if he will. Shall we find out? Lord Fear? Lord Fear. Are you ready for suspenders?

Lord Fear: What? Me, suspenders? You must be absolutely out of your tiny... MIND! [Pause.] I'll think about it.
Drassil
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

Post by Drassil »

[Series 1 Quest 3. End of Level 2. The team spellcasts LANTERN.]

Gibbet: Who turned that light on? Who disturbs the sleep of Gibbet?

Simon: I'm your new supervisor. Would you care to explain why you were asleep with the light off instead of standing guard?

Gibbet: Um... wasn't expecting to ad lib... it's, eh, a medical condition.

Simon: Medical condition?

Gibbet: Aye. I'm photocidal. When the light's on, I want to commit murder.

Simon: Commit what?

Gibbet: Murder.

Simon: Say again?

Gibbet: MURDER. Can you not hear?

Simon: I can. I just like the way you say that.

Gibbet: This isn't the job for Gibbet. I'd rather be a blacksmith. But the equipment's not cheap.

Simon: I can help with that, if you let me down the wellway.

Gibbet: Alright.

Jonathan: Spellcasting: A-N-V-I-L.

[A floating anvil appears... then falls into the wellway, blocking it.]

Gibbet: Say nighty night, little one...

Craig Charles: Nighty night? More like sh*tey sprite.
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Re: Remixed Knightmare

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[Series 4 Quest 8. Ending.]

Merlin: It is Christmas that approaches. In fact, it is almost upon us. You do want to be home for Christmas don't you, boys?

[The team nod their heads.]

Merlin: Really? Because I-I was expecting you to shake your heads. If you had, I'd have reformed Level 3 long enough for you to complete your quest. Not just for your sake, but for the watchers' too.

[The team look distraught.]

Merlin: A-any obvious gesture would have done it. From any one of you. Brett holding his palms up, for example. Think about that, Brett. Your palms could have undone all of this. Do the honours, will you, Dungeon Master?

Treguard: But of course, Merlin. Spellcasting: D, I, S, M, I, S, S.

[The boys fade away, with Brett staring at his palms.]

Pickle: We may yet get a hand gesture from them, Master.

Treguard: I fear so, Pickle. Best not let the watchers see them departing. Farewell, Giles, Robin, Andrew and Brett...
Knightmare: Kid-worthy, Naasty, Inspiring, Groundbreaking, Humorous, Treguard, Mesmerising, Adult-worthy, Rewarding, Essential.
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