Hordriss quizing the dungeooneer

Soulmate Quiz

By Nicholas Lam

Which Knightmare character is your soulmate? A multiple choice quiz by Emily Evans.

1) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

  1. Jump out of bed and fall straight over the first thing in your way
  2. Yawn, and the plant next to your bed wilts at your morning breath
  3. Glare at the alarm clock
  4. Throw the alarm clock and get nasty with everyone who tries to wake you up
  5. Grab your toiletries
  6. Grumble loudly and stamp down the stairs for some breakfast
  7. Head for the kitchen.

2) What do you have for breakfast?

  1. Eggs and tomatoes
  2. Fish
  3. A full English
  4. Whatever you want, and throw a tantrum if you can't have it
  5. Something light
  6. Snatch stuff of the shelves, but eventually share some with a younger sibling, though you tell them you still hate them

3) What do you put on to go out?

  1. Something close-fitting and bright
  2. Whatever you were wearing yesterday
  3. Traditional clothes
  4. You quite like the gothic look
  5. Oh god…this could take hours!
  6. Something small and cute that doesn't get in the way
  7. Whatever you find.

4) What do you do on the way to school/college/university/work?

  1. Run in a generally hyperactive mood, jumping off low walls and nearly getting run over
  2. Keep yourself to yourself, or possibly tagging along with a bigger group
  3. Walking, leading a group of friends
  4. Keep your head high and walk alone
  5. Wander in a daydream world, nearly getting run over several times
  6. Hurl verbal abuse at people that get in your way
  7. What?

5) What is your favourite subject/job?

  1. Drama/actor
  2. Geography/secretary
  3. History/police officer
  4. Politics/military
  5. Art/model
  6. PE/schoolteacher
  7. Job? Subject? Does lunchtime count?

6) A fight breaks out in the Yard/car Park. What do you do?

  1. Try and make light of the situation and try and convince them to fight it out verbally
  2. Cheer the stronger person on
  3. Break them up and bellow at them to get their act together
  4. Smile. You love a good conflict
  5. Get confused - how did this start? Who is winning? Should you walk away?
  6. Get involved and yell at them that they're both losers and should give up now
  7. Hit them all.

7) You get in from a day's hard work. How do you relax?

  1. Get out a pack of cards and start practising your card tricks
  2. You curl up in a corner and sleep, not quite sure what to do with yourself
  3. Read a book or keep up to date with the news
  4. Ring a friend and have a long ranting chat about people's incompetence
  5. Daydream, doodle or rearrange something, humming gently to yourself
  6. Wonder why people don't understand you, and scream out of the window at next door's cat
  7. Eat or break something.

8) What selection of extra-curricular activities are you most likely to indulge in?

  1. Drama group, dance, acrobatics
  2. Swimming, spying
  3. Cadets, debating society, fencing
  4. Cadets, rugby, wrestling
  5. Ballet/dance, drama, synchronised swimming
  6. Gymnastics, abseiling, rock-climbing
  7. Cooking, wrestling.

9) What's the last thing you do before you go to bed?

  1. Fall over whatever you fell over that morning
  2. Put the cat out
  3. Set the burglar alarm
  4. Slap a younger sibling for going through your room
  5. Apply your night toiletries and forget to lock the front door
  6. Slam the door
  7. You're already asleep.


Mostly As

Motley the Jester, as played by Paul Valentine in Series 3 of Knightmare (1989).

You would get on best with MOTLEY! A quirky sense of humour and energetic nature would make you two best buds, and you have a craving for making people smile, although you tend to get yourself into trouble a lot.

Mostly Bs

Lissard, Lord Fear's minion, played by Cliff Barry in Series 8 of Knightmare.

You would get on best with LISSARD! You tend to follow the crowd and stick to what you are used to, and like to come out on top when you can. At least you two would stay together rather than being under someone!

Mostly Cs

Treguard the Dungeon Master, played by Hugo Myatt. As seen in Series 4 of Knightmare (1990).

You would get on best with TREGUARD! Old fashioned and serious, your minds would probably create a new form of intelligence, and you would fight side by side for what is right. Good on you!

Mostly Ds

Lord Fear, the Leader of the Opposition, as played by Mark Knight at the end of Knightmare Series 6 (1992).

You would get on best with LORD FEAR! You like to lead, though if people don't like you they are good enough for you anyway. You two would get on like a house on fire, and cause as much.

Mostly Es

Gretel the Maid, played by Audrey Jenkinson in Series 2 of Knightmare (1988).

You would get on best with GRETEL! You are fairly vain and scatty, but you mean well. So long as you can agree on the latest fashions you two would probably be lifelong friends, if you don't forget each others' names.

Mostly Fs

Elita the Cavern Elf, played by Stephanie Hesp in Series 5 of Knightmare (1991).

You would get on best with ELITA! You try to be hard faced and cruel, but you aren't that bad really. You two would cause mischief and chaos wherever you went, but since you would be having a laugh together it wouldn't really matter, would it, Faceache?

Mostly Gs

Fatilla the Hun, played by Michael Cule in Series 4 of Knightmare (1990).

You would get on best with FATILLA! If you can cook then don't worry. If you can't, make sure you know how to use a telephone so you can order a takeaway, and you have strength enough to fight for the chips!

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