T-shirts, sweatshirts and mugs advertised in The Quest Issue 1.1

The Quest 1.3: Great T-shirt Hunt

By Keith McDonald

Production staff go to Screens to discuss Knightmare T-shirts.

1) Rugged T-shirt designer Jan "Out of Africa" Thwaites arrives at the offices of Screens to discuss her design for the new Knightmare T-shirt. Or has she come to settle a debt?

2) Eva and partner seem anxious not to talk to her. Perhaps she has come to the wrong place... Eva seems to have quite a few sweatshirts in her wardrobe, though!

Jan Thwaites discusses the designs for new Knightmare t-shirts.

3) Eventually Eva gets Jan to take her hat off and they talk about the Frightknight T-shirt design. "Reminds me of my Uncle Oscar", says Eva.

4) Jack the Printer still can't get the hang of his early harpsichord! "It'll never get off the ground," he says.

Jack the printer at Screens, which produces Knightmare clothing merchandise.

Assistant Editor Claire models the brand new T-shirt for TQ. Treguard approves, but is anxious that he's been obscured by Clare's elbow! Even so, the T-shirt can be yours, with the Frightknight in a startling black and white on a blood-red background!

The T-shirt is £7.95 and there are children's sweatshirts at £12.95 and adult's sweatshirts for £14.95. All prices include p+p.

Official Knightmare t-shirt in red.


Just before he sends him off on his quest, Treguard asks a dungeoneer whether he has any pets.

"I've got a budgie," says the adventurer. "It lays square eggs."

Treguard can't believe his ears. "Square eggs! That's incredible. Can it talk?"

"Oh yes," replies the dungeoneer, "but it can only say once word."

"What's that?" asks the dungeon master.


Dungeon Rap!

Clare Coley of Chesterton in Staffordshire is a hive of industry. She sent us this rap although how she and her sister found time to write it, goodness knows!

You'll know this rap is really good
'S got everything a brill rap should
It's all about that Knightmare show,
Off adventuring we must go

You've started now, no turning back,
You've got your helmet and knapsack,
Cross the causeway of earth and fire,
To reach the object you require.

You could take the sword or the shield,
If you wander wood and field.
Reach out for the crown or cup,
Goblins coming, hurry up!

Keep out of the way of rude Elita,
You're better off if you don't meet 'er.
She's got the password to level Two,
But she'll insult you till you're through

Don't annoy old Smirkenorff
He'll burn you up with one small cough.
If you ride this scaly beast
You'll find out that your gold's decreased

If you meet Julius Scaramonger,
You won't have your dosh much longer.
Don't buy or sell with too much haste,
You haven't got any gold to waste

Aesandre is a sorceress,
For dungeoneers she couldn't care less.
She loves a world of snow and ice,
I wouldn't say that she's too nice.

Now, old Hordriss is a wizard,
He'll help stop Aesandre's blizzard,
If you please him, who can tell?
You might just end up with a spell!

If you are a dungeoneer,
You'd better watch out for Lord Fear

Your life force isn't at its best,
One slip could mean the end of your quest.
On our wits you must depend,
Not many make it to the end.

This is the best show in TV
All the fan club will agree.
It sends a shiver down my spine,
I can't wait 'till the turn of Time

'The Quest' is published by Broadsword Television. Broadsword are the producers of 'Knightmare' for Anglia Television and Children's ITV.

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The Boatman

The boatman across the Dunswater. Played by Paul Valentine.

A sinister boatman takes dungeoneers across the Dunswater to the Tower of Time and Level 3.

Gargoyle Room

The Gargoyle Room, found in Level 3 during the early series of Knightmare.

The gargoyle was found in Level 3. Some of the teams that encountered it had to answer a riddle or improve its mood until it released the exit.

Gallery 1988

Cropped 1987 publicity shot of Treguard (Hugo Myatt).

Promotional images and signed photocards from the second series of Knightmare in 1988.

See Also