Board game close. Photo by Ryan Wallace on Unsplash.

RPG Season 2 Quest 5

By Nicholas Lam

The fifth quest in the second season of the Interactive Knightmare RPG. The team is Forester, Rachel and Bart.

Session 7 - 22 October 2000

Treguard summons a new team in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

The team is Forester and Rachel

Forester Forester, 19, Nottingham

Treguard My what a dreary place

Treguard And you go into the dungeon unaided? You must have 1 or 2 friends, please call their names now and loudly!

Forester RACHEL

*Rachel magically appears

Treguard Welcome to my humble castle. It isn't much to look at from the outside, but I assure you, it's quite cosy inside. What are your names and where do you all come from?

Rachel Rachel, Durham

Treguard Well, I'm sure you know of the rules and regulations. So you won't need me to repeat them yes?

Rachel no, I'm alright

Rachel Forester?

Forester You can spare us the details.

Treguard Thank You

Treguard Well then, Face the dungeon door and take a bold step forward

*Forester walks forward

A hall of choice for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard You enter a plain room with four exits. Each exit has a narrow path leading up to it. Above each door is a different symbol.

Treguard This is the hall of choice. You must choose an object to redeem in your quest. Will it be the cup that heals (which some call the chalice), the sword of freedom, the shield of justice or the crown in glory?

Treguard Go through any of the doors and you choose that quest. Stay where you are and you could be assigned a quest not available to you by choice, such as freeing someone, etc.

Rachel What do you think? Mystery quest sounds fun

Treguard It's your choice team but choose quickly and wisely.

Forester Hmm, I'd like the Cup personally.

Rachel Whatever. Let's go for it

*Forester walks through the Cup portal

Dark gardens in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard Welcome to Level 1 team. Here you have little to worry about, but always be on guard for food and objects you can use on your quest. You are currently on a path which winds through a small garden. At the back is a shed. If you continue along the path, you will eventually come to a portal.

Rachel Do you want to look at the shed or just go?

Forester Go to the shed

*Rachel goes to the shed

Treguard You go to the shed

Rachel Is it locked?

Treguard No. I don't think you'll find anything in there, team.

Rachel we can look

Treguard There is a pitchfork stained with blood in it

Rachel Hmm... would a blood stained pitch fork be any use

Treguard I should leave team, while you still can

Forester Ignore it and carry on.

A Level 1 clue room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard Ah. Well, this is a familiar sight. Welcome to the Level 1 clue room. In front of you is a table with some objects on it.

Treguard Around the back walls are three exits and between the doors is a wall monster.

Rachel okay. speak to him Forester

Treguard "Ah. Interesting. A little being enters my domain. I take it that you want information. Well, to earn it, you will be tested."

Treguard Listen team. With 2 correct answers you will get some information about your quest. With 3 correct answers you should call out "I command You" to receive a bonus. Score 1 and you get no information. Score 0 and your quest will end here.

Treguard Here is my first.

Treguard Many followed that musician, But people they were not. All into the river they went. But tell me now, What was the name of the town this musician came from?

Treguard AN ANSWER!

Rachel try the pied piper from Hamlin or whatever

Forester Hamlin

Treguard Truth Accepted

Treguard Here is my second.

Treguard What occurs once in minute, twice in a moment, but never in an hour?

Rachel the letter 'm'

Forester m

Treguard Truth Accepted

Treguard Here is my third

Treguard How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

Forester Once

Rachel yep

Treguard Truth Accepted

Treguard A perfect score. You may learn more.

Treguard "Take Nic Nac Paddy Wak's advice"

Rachel say it then Forester

Forester I command you

Treguard I hear you! "Poisoning others will lead to the poisoning of yourself." I sleep now. But will return again.

Treguard On the table are the following objects.

Rachel eat the grapefruit?

Forester Put grapefruit in Knapsack

Treguard you put it in your knapsack

Forester Rachel: How about the bone and rope?

Rachel What do you think? I think the bone and the rope

Rachel great minds think alike

Forester Take the bone and rope

Treguard You take them

Rachel Right door?

Forester Go to right hand portal

A spyglass in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a church garden. There are two exits at the back, and a spyglass lies in front of you.

Treguard You've somehow managed to get inside the church. Use the spylass with care.

Forester Pick up spyglass

A team looks into the spyglass in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

"Right. Hey you there! I want you to change the combination on the floor puzzle in Level 1. The cocky little so-and-sos just keep on getting past it without a problem. What's the current key to crossing it?"

"Well sir. The code is that A=1, B =2, C=3 and so on. That's quite an impressive key code if I do say so myself."

The Opposition through the spyglass in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

"No, it's all wrong, listen. I want you to go down to the village and find that elf, what's her name? Oh, well, anyway, she's good at coming up with different combinations.

Get her to change the combination to something really nasty but tell her not to go giving it out to anyone, especially those stupid dungeoneers!

Luckily only a few people know where the elf lives, and she'll be hard to find, so go into the market and find out where this elf is. And hurry!"

"Yes sir, right at once. Erm. Sir?"


"I can see someone looking at us."

Rachel Drop it

Forester Put the spy glass down and jump up and down on it

"Why the impertinence of it. Someone spying on me! Well, keep on looking little thing, you're about to receive something very lovely!"

Treguard You drop it

Rachel and we jumped on it

Treguard A useful piece of eavesdropping team

Forester Go through right portal

Rachel agreed

Treguard you exit

A church with a high portal in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You appear to have exited the church, but in front of you is the cemetery. The town hall is at the back, and the only exit is 15 foot high

Rachel hmm... we could climb the tree or use the rope - or both

Forester Yeah I'll go along with that.

Treguard You climb the rope and go through the portal.

A market town in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a small market area. In front of you are two stalls. Most of the stalls are starting to pack up. The only exit is at the back

Forester Speak to the people

Rachel yeah, preferably the elvish looking ones

Treguard The man says: "F*ck off. Can't you see I'm busy?"

Rachel use your amazing charm Forester

Treguard Well, that's one person out of the road

Forester Respond with "Hey, you can't say that, this is CITV!"

Treguard What about the woman?

Rachel well, speak to her too then

*Forester speaks to the woman

A tradeswoman in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard "Equipment and supplies at the ready. Ah, hello there young traveller, and what can I provide you with?"

Rachel turn on your charm Forester and ask for info

Forester What do you have to offer?

Rachel chat her up a bit ;)

*Forester smiles

Treguard Oooh Everything. Goblin Sh*t. Charms. Spells. Objects stolen from Clue Rooms…

Rachel ask about information or finding people

Forester Ask her if she knows anything about Nic nac somebody or Elves

Treguard Nic Nac? Don't know him really

Treguard Elves?

Treguard Well, I know about 167 Elves

Rachel female elf remember?

Treguard A female Elf?

Treguard "Ah, not many people know where the elf lives, but I do. To the "glen" as she calls it, you must know where the entrance is. Go through that door there and admire the reading materials that are available to you. I can say no more."

Forester Exit

A large bookcase in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a small library with many bookcases. There is an exit just ahead.

Rachel okay, which one do we read??? ask the librarian for a map?

Forester Is there anyone around?

Treguard No

Rachel use the index or glossary

Forester Exit?

Treguard I think it's a case of looking team

Rachel no, we need to study I think. Let's see what there is

Forester Hmm browse the books

A portal is revealed in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You pull out one of the books and the case suddenly disappears to reveal a portal.

Rachel ah well, let's try that then.

Forester Take the new exit

An elf in a clearing in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard "Capro attack that creature quickly before it destroys both of us!"

Forester Speak to the Elvish woman

Treguard DIE DIE DIE!!

Rachel stop them. or is it a dog?

Forester Throw the bone

Rachel in which case throw a bone

Treguard Quick do something team. You've been mistaken for somebody else

Treguard Tell HER!!!

Rachel explain who we are

Forester Say "We're not here to harm you"

Treguard "A dungeoneer. Ah well, that's different then. To prove that you are who you say you are, you must be put on trial.

Treguard The judge is Logan naturally. As I don't have any sense of Judgment, whereas Logan does as he worked in the courts in his former life. Stand and be judged!

Treguard I'm Vestala by the way

Forester Ask her about a causeway puzzle.


Rachel hi :)

Forester Offer the dog the bone

Treguard The wolf catches the bone and goes back to his owner.

Rachel 'good doggy'. hehe

Treguard "I see that Logan has decided that you are innocent. He usually can be bribed easily, so well done on that account. As for your business here. What do you want?"

Forester Ask for some food

Treguard I have none

Treguard Wait. I have an apple. There you go

Rachel thank her

Treguard You put the food in your knapsack

Forester Ask about the causeway puzzle code.

Rachel and be very polite

Treguard The causeway?

Treguard "Well I'm not actually supposed to give it to you, but since you have been honest with me, and you are on a quest for truth, I will tell you. On the board, you will see a letter on each tile (which happens to be hexagons).

Treguard What you must do is look at your keyboard and shove the Code, sort of up and to the right slightly.

Treguard For example, If I say F, then you have to stand on a R on the board. But, and here's the hard part. If I say 3, then you must go to the bottom of the column and find a C on the puzzle.

Treguard Remember that you can only step on hexagons that touch each other. The code is J 6 K X N The semi-colon IS actually part of the code. Well, good luck. And Farewell.

Treguard 30 secs left in this room

Forester Exit the room

A causeway of letters in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You appear to be in a puzzle room. An exit is located on the other side of the board. I just hope that you have the combination.

Forester P

*Rachel nods

Forester U

Forester N

Treguard Time = 40 secs

Treguard you are spelling a word remember


Rachel It's PUNISH

Treguard Time = 20

Rachel Forester!!!

*Rachel jumps up and down

Forester PUNISH

Treguard CORRECT

A monster's mouth is the route to Level 2 in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You make it to the other side. Well done team. You have reached the end of Level 1 and are now ready to progress to Level 2.

Rachel go into the 'thing's' mouth?

A snake room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel ooh, a banana (I think)

Treguard You slide down the snake and end at the bottom. A cloud of pink mist cushions your fall, or so you think. In front of you on the floor is a banana while under an arch is a portal.

Forester Take the banana

Treguard Welcome to Level 2, travellers. Here you will find foul creatures which will try to stop you and devour you. I suggest you try and find the Level 2 clue room. You're going to need all of the supplies that you can get.

Treguard You take the banana

Rachel it's a pretty room btw

Forester Peel the banana and put it in the knapsack saving the skin.

Treguard You do that but keep the skin in your knapsack

Forester No I want to hold onto it.

Treguard Ok. Now what?

Rachel yeah, keep a hold of it. it could be useful

Treguard A monster comes up behind you

Treguard ARGH A ZOMBIE!!!!

Rachel drop the skin?

Forester Yep drop the skin and run

A Level 2 clue room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge on a very small piece of land which juts out onto a frozen lake. Behind the table is a portal. A man stands looking at you expectantly

Rachel say 'hello' to him, or maybe 'good evening'

Forester Say Hello Merlin

Treguard "Ah, hello there. Please give me your name, and perhaps also mine. It's… Egbert? No, definitely not. Do you know it?"

Rachel we're Rachel and Forester and is he Merlin?

Forester Say "My name is Forester and this here is my humble slave I mean team mate Rachel"

Treguard "Yes. Merlin, of course! That's it. I'm sure that you're going to want some help. Well, I can only give you advice on one of the objects. Which other object you take is up to you. Your tip is: "Divine Power rules over all"

Treguard Farewell!

Forester Look at table

Rachel yeah, what's there?

An hourglass image for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Time Out! Will we ever find out what will happen next to our current brave souls currently in quest? That time will come again, I can promise you that. Just make sure you're here.

*Forester becomes frozen mid-curse

Session 8 - 29 October 2000

Image of Treguard for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard: Well, you sure took your time. Close the door behind you. The dungeon is stirring, quite unpleasantly I must say. A team is already in progress and here's a progress report.

A Level 2 clue room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard Now remember! The Clue is "Open your mind, and other things"

Treguard Well team. It's up to you now

Rachel the key I think

Forester Take the key

Rachel what else?

Forester Stick

Rachel yeah, might as well

Forester It'll be a divining rod

Rachel but the book might open your mind

Rachel Bart?

Forester It's dark magic though

BartK key sounds good

Forester Take the stick

Rachel yeah, that's hardly good, but what does a stick have to do with your mind

Treguard You take the key and the stick

Treguard Remember the clue he gave was about 1 of the objects, not both

Rachel okay, key and stick then

BartK you can open a jar and a book

Rachel and a key can open doors

Treguard Something COMES!

Forester I think we'd better exit :-)

Forester Take the exit

Rachel yeah, key and stick

Rachel run then Forester

Forester Take the exit

A green room with a spyglass in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a strange room. All the walls are green. At the back are two exits, but on the floor is a spyglass.

Treguard Team. Now, we've heard how the Unholy King had changed Level 2 to suit his taste. Well this room is from the old Level 2 that we used to know. It appears the King's powers are growing weaker the more he tries to control the dungeon. Continue!

Forester Pick up the spy glass

Looking through the spyglass in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

"Fellow sisters. Here my cry! The Unholy King has pushed too far. First he pollutes our island with thousands of the walking dead, then he decides that Level 2 needs a makeover.

Let us band together and destroy him. All of the forcefields in Level 2 have been activated. Only those with the correct magic may pass.

I hope all of you have remembered your disrupt spells. If not, I should find one before you go trekking. This message ends now.

Treguard "Well put it down team!"

Forester drop the glass

Forester Jump very hard on it

Treguard You drop it

Rachel yeah, put down, jump on it harder

Rachel then the right door I think

BartK indeed

Rachel right door guys?

Forester Yep take right door

A room of two eggs in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter an open room with floating oval shapes. At the back are two exits.

Rachel use the stick?

Forester Rachel: Are you sure?

BartK how?

Rachel well, it's an empty room

Treguard I think you've got everything from this room team, don't waste time

Rachel just right door then

Forester Take right door

A hazy watery room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel aaaargh, what are the eyes for?

Rachel they're freaky

Treguard You emerge on the edge of a large body of water. To your left is an exit which you can reach. Further ahead are two heads. The heads turn towards you and start talking.

Treguard "One of us is right"

Treguard "The other is wrong and tells a lie"

Treguard "You must know which tells the truth"

Rachel ask 'what would the other one say' question I think

Treguard "And which one lies"

Rachel rephrase that and whatever

Treguard "Speak now or forever hold your peace"

Treguard Caution team. One of these heads is telling the truth. If you figure out which one is telling the truth you may earn some information. If not, well, you can still proceed but who knows what will happen.

BartK hold on

Treguard "A dragon, Smirkenoff is a wyrm"

Treguard "A Wyrm that flies no doubt"

Treguard "Onward is your way forward"

Treguard "And Backward is not not the way to your object"

Treguard "Ask any questions if you will"

Rachel try something like 'what would the red head say if I asked him which way to go' to the blue one Forester

Forester Blue Head: Which direction would the Red Head tell me to go for the quest onwards or backwards?

Treguard He would turn 270 degrees around right

Forester That does not answer my question

Treguard Backwards

Treguard So sorry strange one

Rachel the blue is lying

Forester Agreed

Rachel so the red must be telling the truth

Rachel so we go onwards

Treguard You have chosen wisely, for I am the truth teller. Here is your information. REVEAL!!!!!!

Rachel yeah, tell the heads we know their secret...

Treguard You will WIN or lose!

Treguard Farewell, I hope this is useful to you

Letters appear in the watery room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel yeah, we couldn't have figured that out

Treguard There's something here!

Forester The letters AD

Forester take the exit.

A locked door in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a dark room with two exits, one of them locked. It's up to you team. You can try and unlock the door and go that way or go through the unlocked exit. The choice is yours of course.

Forester Rachel: A Disrupt spell?

Rachel can we use the stick to find out.... I'm so stick of the bloody twig

Forester Unlock the door with the key

Rachel it could be a trick...

A locked door is opened in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You hold the key up to the lock and the lock disappears. You then go through the door.

Rachel we now have RAIDIC


Rachel iradicate?

A mountain in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a room with three mountains at the back and two exits just in front of you.

Rachel can we use the stick yet?

Forester Is there anything noticeable about these mountains?

Treguard Not really

Rachel there's no letters here, so maybe the stick

Forester I'm beginning to think you're right.

Forester Hold out the stick

Rachel yeah, it only 'works' once

Treguard You wave the stick about. Something is revealed.

Letters appear in the mountain in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Forester Letters: IRADICA

Treguard A zombie is following you team, quickly!

Rachel see if there's a T and an E as well

Forester Take right exit

A bomb room with a clue to disarm it in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a room with a bomb and no exits. Quickly team, unscramble the word in front of you within 30 seconds to reveal the exit. Hurry!

Forester possible


BartK impossible

Treguard CORRECT

Rachel phew

Forester Missed the m :-)

Letters appear in the bomb room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You diffuse the bomb by correctly naming the word. An exit is revealed in the wall.

Forester Letters: IRADICATE

Forester Take the exit

Treguard This is the main obstacle in Level 2, and is known as the dreaded eliminator. We've already lost two teams here. What you must do is look at the screen that appears.

Rachel working again now

Treguard You are given a situation. For example, -2 and +2. Then you are given a question. MONDAY and JULY. Firstly, you must -2 on the Monday which will become Saturday, and then +2 on the JULY, which then becomes SEPTEMBER. If you don't get all correct, the eliminator will swat you with a 20-Megawatt Fireball! You have 45 seconds per question! Go!

The dreaded eliminator puzzle in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel B H B

Forester V H B

Treguard CORRECT

Rachel oh, it's -

Rachel never trust my answers

Forester I never do :p

The dreaded eliminator puzzle in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard 45 seconds

Forester March Wednesday November

Forester No

Rachel or is it October

Treguard 30

Forester March Wednesday October


Forester Yes. March Wednesday October

Treguard CORRECT

Treguard Btw, when you want to give the answer to me, type ANSWER = then the answer

The dreaded eliminator puzzle in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Forester Bart: Do No 3 Rachel: Do no 2

Forester I'll do 1

Forester 1. November

Rachel mine is Tuesday

Forester Barts is F

Rachel yeah

Forester November Tuesday F?

Forester ANSWER = November TUESDAY F

Treguard CORRECT

The dreaded eliminator puzzle in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard 45

BartK Pisces

Rachel 3 is pisces

Rachel I dunno libra

BartK Leo me thinks

BartK thinks

Rachel lets go to the yahoo star signs

Forester ANSWER = LEO 2:00 PISCES


Forester Phew!

Rachel yay that was clever

Treguard You are the first team to get this far

The end of the eliminator puzzle in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel hey!!! We got to the end of the level

Treguard Well done team! You have passed the eliminator. The screen fades away and an orange falls from the sky. A portal appears in the arm at the back. Onward team!

Forester Is there a save game option? :-)

Rachel lets save before we continue

Treguard Something COMES!

*Rachel is serious

Forester Take orange, then the exit

An ice shelf in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge outside on an icy mountain. Ahead of you is a forcefield, which continuously flickers

Rachel what's the spell?

Rachel I think it's a disrupt spell anyway


Rachel oh, I'm the spell caster


BartK yep

*Rachel crosses her fingers

A exit within the ice desert in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You cast the spell and the forcefield disappears. You can see a portal just in front of you.

Forester Take the exit

The route to Level 3 in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel ah... giant. hi?

Treguard "Have you come to proceed to Level 3?"

Rachel sure is lovely weather isn't it...

Forester Yes

Treguard "The time of testing has begun. To proceed, walk through the trapdoor and down the steps. Your journey is longer than you think.

Rachel yeah, I think so

Treguard You will meet dangers you couldn't even begin to imagine. Farewell and good luck."

Forester Ask if he knows anything that may aid our quest

Rachel yeah, be polite though

BartK can he offer safe journey perhaps?

Rachel or aid us in any way?

Treguard I could give you something, but you can't take it to the next level

Treguard You might meet a terrible death

Forester Any information?

*Rachel looks hopeful

Treguard I have a spell called SUICIDE

Forester We'll pass on that.

Rachel hmm... okay, let's go at this point

BartK we meet the grim reaper?

Treguard I don't think you'll like it though

Forester Go through trapdoor.

Treguard You go through the trapdoor

Treguard YES Level 3 here you come!

A dark pathway in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard My, my, you are getting good at this. I think the dungeon has finally met a worthy opponent. This is Level 3, probably the last level that you will venture through.

Treguard I know nothing of this level, so you will need to be on the lookout for information, although I doubt that you'll find much anyway. Well, don't linger here team!

Treguard In front of you lies a path which leads to the start of Level 3. There is a loaf of bread.

Treguard Do you wish to examine it?

Forester Take the loaf

BartK examine bridge

Treguard You put the bread in your knapsack

Treguard The bridge has a gap which you can easily jump across

Forester If all's well move onwards

Rachel yeah, fine by me

Forester Walk forwards minding the gap

BartK jump gap on bridge

Rachel I'm only little, so someone help me across

*Forester throws Rachel across

Rachel ouch

Treguard You jump across

BartK oooh Quake glass :)

A church room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You appear in a small stone courtyard with two exits

Forester I believe our quest is for the cup

BartK read/examine signs

Rachel we're after the cup, aren't we, so that seems like a good option

Rachel and it's on the right

Forester Pass through the right-hand portal.

Rachel which is always nice

Treguard You exit through the right-hand portal

An hourglass image for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard TIME OUT!

Treguard Hmm. Another week of reality now sets in after time out. No, I suppose that you'll have to go back to your reality and wait a while. Just like I have to wait in this reality. At least, I don't think it's real.

Credits in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Session 9 - 05 November 2000

Treguard: Oh, hello watchers. I was just thinking about our current team in progress. They're doing well. Shame about the team that came before them though. They became the "Shortest Quest Ever!" with a total of just 6 minutes.

Pickle I tell you, some of these teams are so slow that they spend 6 minutes in a room sometimes.

Image of Treguard for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Anyway, I'm sure you all want to know how our current team in progress are doing. Well, here's a progress report

A room with a sypglass in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a street. On the left are two huts, one with a portal in front of it. A ramp on the right leads to another exit. There is also a set of stairs which joins up with the path at the end of the room. On the floor is a spyglass.

Caution team. This is Level 3, and in this level, it will not matter which exit you take, unless otherwise instructed by someone.

Pickle Oh my master! This Level 3 always gives me the shivers!

Treguard Gives you the shivers? Why you silly elf, we've only seen it once, and this happens to be the first time.

Forester Pick up the spy glass

BartK it seems to be a troublesome night

A spyglass sequence in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.


"My Lord. What is that dreadful noise? ARGH!! It deafens me!"

"Don't be so stupid. There's a team in Level 3. I didn't think that this would ever happen. It's half way through the season, and the furthest anybody's got is Level 2! My lovely creation, the Eliminator, has been beaten now."

"But Sire. What are you going to do? There's no way to stop them in the end."

"Of course there is, you stupid Sawed Freak! Don't you remember the stories about the old dungeon in 1989? Nobody beat that. Hell, there were only a few teams that reached Level 3. I seem to have beaten that record up to now, and I intend to keep it that way."

"What's the plan then?"

"Don't rush me! There is always a final puzzle which the little kidsies must complete. My puzzle is so unbelievably hard that they won't know how to cross it. That is unless they possess superior intellect, and I don't think they do somehow. Do you?"

"Can you tell me what to expect on this puzzle?"

"Not a chance me old DIY expert."


"Oh, never mind. Anyway, what've you done to stop the little monstrosities in Level 3? The goblin hunting parties, I'm sure you remember them - they seeming to be taking the right path for a change rather than the left. If you need to meet them then you do that. Ok? I don't want to lose one of my henchmen to them. After all, they've already eaten my cat, Fluffy. Anyway, is that all?"

A spyglass sequence in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

"I've developed and put into action a cunning plan. Look at your viewscreen My Lord"

"Yes. The Quest Object Room. What of it?"

"Well Sire. One of those cups is real, but one is a fake. If the little darlings choose the wrong one, they'll be blown up by a massive neutron bomb!"

"Knice one. Well that'll take care of our problem. Now back to work. By the way, which one is the real one? They both look the same"

"Well Sire, it's the one on the…"

"Stop! Intruder alert. Someone is spying on me! Blade, hunt and destroy now!"


Forester Put down the spy glass and ensure it's thoroughly destroyed!

Rachel drop the spyglass and jump on it. HARD

Treguard you do that very quickly

Rachel I think we should try taking some left exits because of that bit about the goblins

Forester Agreed.

BartK don't wanna end up like Fluffy

Rachel and we need to find a way of stopping a neutron war

Forester Exit via the left portal.

A clueroom in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Pickle Hmm, much of use here, I think...

Treguard Welcome to the final clue room on your adventure team. Examine all objects with care but don't delay!

Rachel ooh, a pine table. What's on it?

BartK examine table

Treguard you examine the table

Rachel umm... what does the scroll say?

A scroll in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard It says: "Stop! You forgot your medicine."

Rachel medicine?? uh, the acupuncture

Forester That's what I'm thinking.

Rachel Anyone got a dictionary handy?

BartK sounds right

Rachel start embryo is like starting birth

Rachel cease lingo is like stop talking-ish

Rachel acupuncture is medicine

Rachel light guild???

BartK brighten the room

Treguard Think, team, perhaps only one of these words make sense

Treguard Well, what did the scroll say?

Rachel memory ingram???

Rachel start, cease, light, acupuncture

Rachel CEASE

BartK memory

Rachel cease = stop

Pickle Look at the scroll, team!

BartK Memory = forgot

Rachel cease = stop

Rachel acupuncture = medicine

Forester I think I'm going with the memory potion.

Rachel forgot is the opposite of memory

BartK Forester?

Pickle One more, team.

Rachel I haven't got a clue here

Forester Pick up the memory potion.

Rachel acupuncture stuff and memory then?

BartK suppose so

Forester Pick up the acupuncture potion

Treguard You take those two

Rachel where are the exits?

BartK examine room

Treguard There is nothing interesting about the room

Forester Exit via the left-hand portal.

A locked door in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a small courtyard within the church grounds. You will need to find a way to get into the Unholy King's Bartel Keep. Only then will you be able to find what you have sought for so long.

Treguard There is a locked door ahead of you and portals to the left and right. In the distance you smell the vile odour of Goblins. There is a pack of goblins somewhere close.

Rachel we could grow a tree? or remember which way to take? or take the left door...

Forester Is there anything else around?

BartK need to find key...

Rachel left exit then???

Rachel there's not much else we can do apart from grow a tree

Treguard Team. Stop wasting your time

Forester Take the left exit

Rachel oh well.... what makes me think we missed something

A library in Level 3 in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard Ah

Treguard You enter a study with a large mantelpiece in the centre, a bookcase and a portal at the back. There is a letter on the mantelpiece. You can't smell the goblins anymore, so you must have lost them.

Rachel okay, so we're not dead yet

Pickle Hmm. We had this sort of thing back in the caves. Only we couldn't read, so they weren't really much use to us...

Forester Read the note

Treguard You open the scroll. There are two sides to it, so you read the first side first obviously. It says:

Treguard "Dear Merlin I have no choice but to leave this establishment. I know that you know the reason why.

Treguard In any case, to prevent the all evil powerful one I have hidden one of your spells somewhere in the room. This spell will help you get to the Bartel Keep. Follow these instructions.

A scroll in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You turn the scroll over, it says:

Treguard At fire swivel West and walk forth till your path is blocked. Then move one case left and swivel 180 degrees. On back of comfort helper press button 1.

Rachel Forester, write it down. you're the biggest :p

Treguard Jump over comfort helper and walk forward to centre of establishment. Bend down and lift Arabian flying device and press button 2. Button 3 is above air rising feeding on oxygen.

A scroll in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

*Forester scribbles furiously

Treguard Caution Team. This scroll is obviously meant to confuse those who read it. I'd make sure that you understand each instruction first.

Forester Turn to face west

Rachel we don't have a compass...


Forester Walk forwards until we can't.


Rachel walk to the wall

Forester Move one case left


Rachel on the back of the uh, chair?

Forester Turn around 180 degress.


BartK button..?

Forester Press button 1


BartK jump helper..?

Rachel comfort thingy = chair I think

Forester Jump over comfort helper

Treguard JUMPED

Forester Walk to the centre.


Pickle Congratulations! They're doing well Master, don't you think?

Rachel pick up the carpet in the middle of the room

Treguard Oooh yes pickle

Treguard PICKED UP

Rachel press the button that should be there


Forester Press button 3

Rachel button 3 is in the fire


Forester In the fire

Rachel near or in the fire


BartK above the air rising feeding on the oxygen :P

An unlock spell is revealed in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You press the last button, and suddenly a portal appears at the back of the room and some other useful magical pieces located in different parts of the room.

Forester Examine magical bits

Treguard They are magic in some way

Rachel UNLOCK - is that a spell

Forester I believe so.

Forester Exit via the portal.

Dark gardens in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge next to a large fortification. The path you must take continues around the corner. Well done team. You appear to have reached Bartel Keep. You must find the entrance and your destiny awaits.

Pickle I can't stand these urbanised places. Who'd want to live in a massive fortification with all the modern comforts when you can live in a network of underground caves?

Forester Look for an entrance.

Treguard The path continues around the wall at the end

Rachel walk round the edge of the wall

Forester Follow the path

Blade and a goblin attack in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard "Right. Gotcha. You, stay there Goblin; this puny thing will satisfy my hunger today. Well dungeoneer, it seems that you've come to a very sharp end. Did you think that you could beat us? Nothing can stop us. HAHAHAHAHAH!"

Rachel use the memory thing? make them slower

Rachel or grow a tree?

Treguard "Well I'm going to give you a minute for any last requests. If you'd like to pass the time with pathetic grovel, then feel free."

Forester I don't think a good memory is going to help us.

Pickle Aaaargh!!! Make them hurry, Master!

BartK tree and jump wall!?

Rachel goblins can climb trees

Forester Ask them if they'll barter for our freedom

Pickle No, team, no!...

Rachel but it's better than having a good memory

Rachel Pickle, help us please... break the rules

BartK unless we can remember how to trick them to let us go...

Treguard Right time's up. It's time for my dinner. Goodbye little thing. Oh and by the way, thanks ever so much for coming to dinner.

Image of the skull dead sequence for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Ooooh nasty. Well team, it seems like you've been put on the main menu. Without the Cease Lingo potion, you couldn't slow them down in order to escape.

Treguard Ah well. Spellcasting DISMISS.

Pickle Oh, what a shame! I really did like them...


Rachel damn, we were doing so well

*Forester cries

BartK damn goblins... ruin everything ;-\

Treguard and so close, yet so very far

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