Corded gaming headset. Photo by Fabian Albert on Unsplash.

RPG Season 2 Quest 1

By Nicholas Lam

The first quest in the second season of the Interactive Knightmare RPG. The team is Rachel, Alex and Neil.

Session 1 - 03 September 2000


Image of Treguard for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Ahhh, welcome watchers to Knightmare. Since we last met, the dungeon has transformed itself. Many dangers now lie along the path. You may also notice some changes to my dungeon. First, the magic mirror. With this I...

*Treguard looks at his magic mirror and someone appears on the screen.

Unholy, the Opposition in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

"Hello, Treguard, you old fool. Did you think that the dungeon would continue for very long with the absence of evil? No. Your puny dunceguneers may have survived last year, but this time I promise you, they won't get past The Hall of Choice!"

"My name isn't important, but I am known as the Unholy King to my enemies, and to my friends, well, I don't have any so I wouldn't know. I look forward to seeing your teams. Bye Treguard, be seeing you, eh?"

Image of Treguard for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Well watchers, there appears to be a new threat to the dungeon. But let's not let that put us off, we can still win. Or can we? Yes, course we will.

Treguard Enter Stranger. Hmm. You don't look very tough; I just hope for your sake that you don't meet anything, unpleasant in the dungeon depths. Please state your name and age please.

Alex Alex - 17

Treguard And where do you hail from?

Alex Southend, in Essex.

Treguard I wouldn't like to go there, but then again, who would?

Treguard And you go into the dungeon unaided? You must have 2 friends, please call their names now and loudly!

Alex Neil, Rachel. Yoo-hoo.

*Neil- breezes in

Treguard Welcome to my humble castle. It isn't much to look at from the outside, but I assure you, it's quite cosy inside. You all look terribly cold. Here, come closer to the fire where it's much warmer. What are your names and where do you all come from?

Rachel I'm Rachel and I come from Durham

Neil I'm Neil and I come from the West Midlands.

Treguard Ok then; let's get to grips with this adventure then. Firstly, before you go on your travels into my dungeon, there are a few things that you should know.

Treguard Firstly, the dungeon has gone through a tremendous change, so any knowledge of previous quests probably won't be of any use to you.

Treguard You will notice that I have a magic mirror (created by the almighty one who we all know as Forester. The magic mirror will show you a view of the room that you are currently in. If at any time you enter a new room and the magic mirror doesn't change, click REFRESH.

Treguard Located underneath the mirror is a panel which shows you your statistics, quest object, quest time, etc. This may prove useful as it also tells you what objects you carry and spells which you possess. In the game you can carry two objects, but a magician or some person of high magic may give you an object to carry for them from time to time. Since this object will be magical, you will still be able to carry another two objects unless told so by myself or the magician.

Treguard You can carry as many spells as you like, but as you use spells, you use your Mana up. Mana is the magical force within which provides a source of energy necessary to create these spells.

Rachel yep

Treguard Because of this you only have enough mana to cast three spells in the game. So, choose wisely when the time arises. Also, IF YOU DO cast a spell, when the desired affect has finished, the spell could turn on you, to prevent this, you should say DISPELL and give the letters of the name of the spell but in the wrong order. Remember this!

Treguard In the magic mirror, you can see the room but not yourself, because of this I will take you through step by step on puzzles or complex rooms.

Treguard Since there are now no dungeoneers, all of you three are merged together into one person (how frightening!) so any actions you make must be discussed and then decided on by one person only. If multiple, DIFFERENT actions are made, none of them will be taken into account and you could lose time for it.

Treguard Finally, here is your equipment. Here is the knapsack for which you must put food into, to restore your energy. Your energy status is shown in three stages. Green, where you are healthy, yellow, where you should be on the lookout for food, and red, where you are in grave peril and must find sustenance fast.

Treguard The helmet of justice is no longer used, and neither is the eye shield. Since everything in the dungeon is real and nothing is an illusion.

Treguard Also, let me remind, you that you should be cautious of the object that you take. Don't trust the weapons of your enemies.

Treguard Right. Are you ready?

Alex I am.

Neil I am as well.

Treguard How strange. Well then, face the dungeon door and take a brave step into the unknown. Good luck!

A hall of choice for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard You enter a plain room with four exits. Each exit has a narrow path leading up to it. In between each path is a sharp drop. Above each door is a symbol, each one being different.

Neil What are the symbols?

Treguard Yes, team. This is the hall of choice. Here you must choose an object which you are to redeem in your quest. Will it be the cup that heals (which some call the chalice), the sword of freedom, the shield of justice or the crown in glory?

Treguard Go through any of the doors and you will choose that quest, stay where you are on the question mark, and your choice will be determined. Also, by staying on the question mark, you could be assigned a quest not available to you by choice. For example, freeing someone, etc.

Treguard It's your choice team but choose quickly and wisely. May I suggest you choose the one that best suits you. There isn't really any difference in the difficulty between any of the quests. It's just down to chance at the end of the day, oh yes, and of course, skill, bravery, and wits

Rachel The Cup then everyone

Alex Yeah, I'm fine with the cup.

Neil The cup will do me as well.

*Rachel- goes to the cup

Treguard You walk through the exit with the cup above it

A clue room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a room with three doors, one of them blocked with a portcullis. In front of you is a table with some objects on; while further ahead in the room on the wall is a monster.

Treguard Yes, team, this monster is neither friend nor foe. It guards the clue rooms found in most levels and questions anyone passing through in order to see if they've earned the right for some information. Listen, you will be asked three questions.

Treguard In scoring one questions correctly, you will receive no information about your quest, but you can still pick up any objects. By scoring two correctly, you will get some information about your quest and the objects on the table. In scoring three questions correctly you will receive all information. If you then call out "I command you" after scoring three, you will receive bonus information. Score no questions correctly, and this monster will dispose of you in the quickest way possible.

Treguard "Stand still you little thief! I guard these halls, and if you wish to know about your quest, you must pass the test. The time of testing has begun, so be ready little human."

Treguard Are you ready for the challenge?

Rachel Yes, I am

Alex I am too.

Treguard "Here is my first question. Lots of faces I have, but I am not a living thing, roll me if you will, but I am not round. What am I?"

Rachel Alex, Neil, dice???

Alex Maybe a dice?

Neil Dice.

Rachel shall we go for it?

Alex Yes, Dice.

*Rachel says 'dice'

Treguard Truth Accepted

Rachel yay!!!

Treguard "Here is my second. I have notes, but I cannot write. I can be heard or seen, but never touched."

Rachel music???

Alex I think Music, unless Neil has anything else.

Neil Music Notes? Musical notation.

Alex I think music in general.

*Rachel says 'music'

Treguard Truth Accepted

Treguard "Here is my third. Rearrange the letters of NOR DO WE to make one word."


Rachel I think

Alex Clever.

*Rachel- says 'ONE WORD'

Neil Sneaky puzzle.

Treguard An Answer!!


Treguard Truth Accepted

*Rachel says 'I command you'

Treguard (one person must say it- remember)

Treguard "You have Scored Three. Wealth is good and remember this. Accept the challenge."

Treguard There are no dark paths ahead of you, but there are many dangers that await. I have been here and have seen. Now I must go. Farewell."

Rachel Shall we go to the table???

Neil Go to the table.

Treguard Well done team. The objects on the table are: A Spyglass, A loaf of bread, A lantern, A Bar of Gold, A gauntlet

Alex Take the food.

Treguard You take the food

Rachel yeah

Alex Look at spy glass.

Neil I think we should take the gold.

Rachel spyglass guys???

Treguard Yes, team. This is a spyglass. With it you can spy upon someone. To use it, simply look into it. But be careful, use it for too long, and you could be in grave danger.

Rachel ok

Rachel holds the spy glass in front of the eye shield


Spying on the Opposition in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

"Hey you there!"

"Yes Master?"

"What are you still doing here. The season has already begun, and a dungeoneer is loose in the levels. Shouldn't you be out hunting it?"

"Well erm."

"Get to it now! Right, who do I have to speak to. Ah yes"

Screen ON!

Spying on the Opposition in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

"Hello again Charon. I see you're in business again. Well I don't want you providing any transport for those pesky dungeoneers. Provide the transport to someone else, but not them.

And I know how thick you are. You'll probably fall for one of their disguises, but don't, I want you on a good lookout for anyone who looks suspicious. Communications out!"

Oh well, what is this? I do believe someone is spying on me. Well dungeoneer. Take a good look; it might just be your last. HAHAHAHHAHAH!"



*Rachel drops spyglass

Treguard You drop the spyglass

Rachel Take the umm... glove and the gold???

Rachel Al, Neil???

Alex Yeah, that's what I've got written down.

Treguard You drop the spyglass. Phew. That was the unholy King team, and you very nearly got fried. Some useful information there, team.

Rachel which door guys??? the one at the top right-hand side???

Treguard Would you like descriptions of the items?

Alex I think we should take the Gold and Glove.

Rachel yep, agree with Alex

Alex Neil?

Rachel and I think the top right-hand door looks like the best to me

Treguard You take the Glove and the Gold Bar

Alex Top right door.

Rachel I say top right... Alex, Neil???

Alex Yup.

*Rachel goes to the top right door

Treguard You exit the room.

A causeway in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a room. The room contains many stepping-stones with letters on. You are on one side and the exit is on the other side of the causeway.

Treguard This team is a very simple puzzle. Simply choose the right path, which spells a word. This puzzle has a time limit though, for if you don't figure out the answer within 1 minute the causeway will collapse under your feet. Simply, spell the word and you will automatically cross. You are standing on the S.

Rachel It's SUCCESS I think

Alex Yeah, I got that too

Treguard You made it

Rachel yay!!!

Treguard well done. That was evidently too easy for you

*Alex breathes out.

Rachel yay!!!

A lady at the lake in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You exit the room. You emerge near a lake. There are two exits, left and right. You are standing close to the shore, and in front of you, you see a woman standing staring at you.

Alex Say hello?

*Rachel says 'hello'

Treguard "I am the Lady of the Lake. What is your purpose here, life form?"

Rachel we are on a quest. For the cup

Treguard"That is interesting, for I am on a similar type of quest as well. Many beings, their purpose foul have passed through my sanctuary, and have destroyed most of it. I shall not allow this to proceed, so if you wish to proceed through my sanctuary, you must prove to me that you are on a quest for truth.

Treguard You say that you are on a quest, yes? Then give me the symbol of that quest."

Alex Show her the glove?

Rachel Why not?? Go for it

Treguard "Ah. I see that you are indeed on a quest for truth and justice and that your nature is fair. You may pass through my sanctuary, but before you go, I give you this simple piece of advice. In the next room, the doors are blocked by EYECU.

Rachel I can't think

Treguard There is a way past them only if you can find it. I shall tell you that they kill their enemies by staring at them. Whatever they stare at will wither away. Hard objects such as helmets will not protect you. That is all I can tell you unfortunately. Good luck"

Rachel Which door should we take??

Alex The right one I reckon.

Alex Neil?

Rachel yeah, the right is probably better

Rachel should we ask her???


Alex I don't think it matters. Leave through the right-hand door.

Treguard You exit through the right-hand door

A room with two large eyes in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a room with two exits. Guarding the exits are two monsters. Just in front of you are two mirrors with their reflective side facing towards you, a shield (not THE shield) and an axe.

Treguard These monsters, team are EyeCu's. They are extremely deadly. Stay too long and their stare will drain your life force. As you can see it is already having a nasty effect on it.

Alex Turn the mirrors around.

Rachel yeah, turn the mirrors round. Clever Alex

Treguard You turn the mirrors round. You don't know if anything has happened, but you notice that your life force is no longer being drained. Then, you hear a shriek from one of the monsters.

Treguard The monster next to it looks at it puzzled. It then turns back looking at you and then screams in pain. Their screams fill the room and echo through the halls shaking the dungeon as the sound travels.

You turn your head away from the monsters as they shriek to block out the sound. Then, the sound stops and as you turn around you see that the monsters have vanished.

Doors in the eye room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel what about the axe???

Alex Leave it. It's a red herring.

Rachel oh well, right-hand door then???

Treguard That happens to the Unholy King's minions, I guess. I suppose they just disappear, and their energy is sent back to the king where he can reform them back or use the energy for other purposes. I should hurry though. Staying too long might provoke another monster to enter the room, and what would you do then?

Alex Put there so we might think to attack.

Rachel come on, let's go. Right-hand door

Alex Agreed.

Treguard You exit the room through the right-hand door

A dark ledge in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge on a high ledge. To your right is a bottomless pit. What is down there, you'll never know, unless you decide to take a jump. Ahead of you is an exit while on the floor just in front of you is an orange. Your Life Force condition is Red. Find food team quickly.

Alex Take the food.

Neil Take the orange.

Alex (Neil, it's all there in Treguard's descriptions)

Treguard You pick up the food

Rachel this is the part where we get attacked

Treguard And put it in your knapsack

Rachel or shall we just leave???

Alex I have a feeling something won't let us..

Unholy appears to threaten in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard The unholy King appears in the blackness.

Treguard "Hahaha. Well hello there little dungeoneer. I expected you to reach this stage ages ago. I just thought you'd like to know that I've prevented travel for you to the next level, so I really do hope that you can fly, because hey, you sure can't swim across the black lake."

Treguard (The orange magically re-appears for others to take)

Rachel (okay)

Treguard And I also thought you'd like to know that I've extended Level 1. No more just enter a clue room. Use the objects in the next two room, and then pis*ing off to Level 2, oh no. This game, as you call it. I wouldn't really call it a game, for everything here is real.

Treguard But, anyway, this game is just about to get more difficult. Aint that right, Treguard? I just thought. Why don't I stop your progress here and now?"

Rachel (gee, thanks)

Treguard Yes

Rachel (that's cheating)

Treguard What will you do team?

Rachel panic

Alex Run like hell for the door?

Rachel umm... compliment him

Treguard You compliment me????

Alex I say we run for the door.



Rachel RUN


Treguard Spell Casting...

Treguard You exit the room

Treguard oh b*gger! I'll get you next time!!!

A marketplace in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge in a village square, and there are two exits, one straight ahead of you and one to the left. Many stalls are scattered around the square, selling various items. Ahead of you a woman beckons.

Alex Go to woman.

Rachel yep, go to the woman

Treguard "Equipment and supplies for the weary traveller. I have everything a person on his travels needs, from walking boots, new clothes, oh and of course, the occasional blood leech for those bad nights when your blood is getting just a bit too much for you."

Rachel actually, I think he got thrown off track when we complimented him, so it did work

Rachel shall we get a flying spell???

Alex What else do you have?

Treguard I have many things

Rachel such as...

Treguard Arse Cream... to sooth those achy back sides

Rachel Neil will need some of that after his painful experience

Treguard Remember your quest team. Where do you need to get to?

Alex Yeah, anything to help us fly would be good.

Treguard You want to fly?

Rachel see if she has anything to get us to Level 2

Rachel yes, we need to fly across the lake

Treguard I'm afraid the only way off this level is by Charon the boatman

Alex We need a disguise

Rachel Do you sell lollipops???

Treguard A disguise?

Alex Rachel, there's no time for that!

Rachel damn

Alex A good one!

Treguard I do have some spells if you're into that

Rachel yeah, we want a disguise to make us look like that king - like the fearsome potion one team had once

Treguard I'm closing soon

Alex But yes, a disguise would be great

Rachel okay

Treguard Each one will cost one bar of gold. I know that sounds expensive, but I've got to make a living somehow haven't I? Anyway, I have 4 spells. These are:


Treguard Do you want something else

Rachel can we have 2 for the price of 1??

Alex Disguise? Neil, Rachel?

Rachel okay, team, I think disguise

Treguard Well ok. You can have two spells for the gold bar

Rachel True Sight and Disguise then???

Treguard Team, remember, you can only cast three spells in the game. but you can take as many spells as you like.

Alex I think we should only take one ...

Rachel we don't need to cast both of them

Alex Fine.

Treguard There you go. True Sight and Disguise. Bye!

Treguard Remember, you will have to dispel the spell when you've finished with it. Or, if you enter the level below, the spell will deactivate itself. Give us the gold then."

Rachel oh damn, where are they then

Rachel one straight ahead and one to the left


Rachel I say straight ahead

Alex Fine take it. Here's the gold.

Treguard The woman turns back to her stall and starts to tidy up.

Rachel straight ahead???

Alex Yeah go for it.

Treguard You exit through the door ahead of you

A scroll lies outside in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a room with two exits. On the floor ahead of you is a scroll.

Rachel If the scroll says SURPRISE, you are in trouble

Rachel read the scroll

Treguard You walk over to the scroll and pick it up.

Treguard To find the password to exit this level, re-arrange the following letters to make a word: BA REX LICU

Neil Excalibur

Rachel yes - clever Neil

Alex claps

Rachel see, he is there when we need him

Treguard You drop the scroll

Alex Leave the room.

Treguard You exit

A skeletron guard in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel oh sh*t, this looks umm... bad

Treguard You enter some ruins. There is one exit at the back and in front of the exit, a Skeletron guards it.

Rachel spellcast to kill the thing???

Alex Say the password.

Rachel or is it just a password

Treguard "Give the password or perish. Either way, you will die somewhere along the way. Give it NOW!"

Rachel yeah, try saying it


Rachel says 'Excalibur'

Treguard "Password Accepted. You may pass, but don't think that we won't be meeting again. Because, we will. You can bet your life on it. Oh, I just think you did HAHA!"

Alex Cocky.

Rachel ha... next time we'll kick your arse.

Treguard PI** OFF!

Rachel leave, quickly

Alex Leave the room before he changes his mind.

Treguard I don't think so. DIE

Treguard You exit

Rachel why is everyone in third dungeon such a moron

Treguard What did you say? I can still hear you...

A boat and boatman in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge on a small wooden jetty. Ahead of you is a figure standing on a strange boat. This creature team is Charon. He ferries people back and forth across the Black Lake. He sometimes demands a fare; it just depends on who you are.

Alex Use the spell Rachel?

Rachel spellcast before he sees us???

Alex Ok.

Rachel go for it

Treguard "I'm sorry. Absolutely not. No dungeoneers allowed for crossing the lake today. Sorry, but the orders must stand. What do you want anyway?”

Rachel I am a not a dungeoneer


Treguard You look like one to me

Rachel It's a disguise. I'll show my real self now

Treguard Cheron turns his back on you and begins rummaging through his belongings on the boat. Caution team.

Rachel spellcasting D-I-S-G-U-I-S-E


Treguard GONG!!!!

Treguard Well team, you won't be doing anything for a while

Rachel Yay!!! we have survived for one week

Treguard It appears that time out has finally come

Alex cheers

Treguard I hope you join us next time to see If Alex, Neil and Rachel die at the hands of a zombie, or continue to Level 3.

Treguard Whatever happens, I know you'll be back again. Just don't disappoint me



Session 2 - 17 September 2000

Image of Treguard for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Stay right there! Oh it's you watchers. I do love surprises don't you? It's been getting quite cold in the dungeon, which reminds me. A quest is currently in progress, so here's a progress report.


A guard at the jetty in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You activate the spell. A flash of light fills the room and when it disappears, your figure changes into a Skeletron. I shouldn't worry team, you can easily turn back when you need to.

Treguard "Oh hello there. Did you see where that stupid dungeoneer went?"

Alex "I ate him"

Rachel shall we have a go at him Alex??

Treguard well lovely

Treguard "What do you want?"

Rachel "We need transport to level 2"


Rachel "NOW"

Treguard "Yes well, I won't charge you since you're one of his lordship's creations. Get in the boat then.

Alex (good combination there)

*Rachel gets in the boat

The boat sails in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You climb in the boat. Charon stands still and starts to stroke with his scythe. You are now being taken to Level 2.

Treguard "Oh sh*t. My bloody Scythes broken again. I guess I'll have to go to B&Q again and get one from the garden utensils section. I tell you, it's terrible the kind of craftsmanship that goes into things these days. Whatever century this is."

Rachel "yes"

Treguard So eaten anything good recently?

Rachel "yes, a dungeoneer. Lollipop flavoured"

Alex "and a nice waffle"

Treguard lovely... well here you are

Treguard Well done team. You have reached Level 2. Level 1 was only the beginning. Now the real test begins. In these parts, lie elves, and zombies mostly. Elves care deeply about their environment but are usually friendly. Zombies on the other hand and some of the inhabitants of Level 1 who have been carried here and were fed to god knows what type of creature. They still walk around the caverns below and could pose serious harm to you. Also, remember to check objects here before you take them just in case.

A beach area in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You are standing on a shoreline. Ahead of you is a portal. Further ahead of that is a large castle in the distance with only the tower being visible due to the thick tree density. You look behind you and see the black sea and Death in his boat.

Rachel in case what???

Treguard in case the object is false

Treguard "I don't suppose you're going to give me some gold are you?"

Alex "no"


Treguard "Ah well. Seya you cheap son of a bitch!"

Treguard Now what team? The spell has dispelled itself since you exited the level

Alex Oh good. Then go to the exit!

Rachel yeah, go through the portal then

Treguard you exit

A puzzle sequence in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a room. There are two exits at the end of the room. In front of you is a large screen.

Treguard This team is a simple puzzle. All you must do is look at the four boxes at the top and see which one (A, B, C or D -- FROM LEFT TO RIGHT) matches the picture underneath either by rotating it left or right. You will be given 4 of these sequences before you are able to exit the room.

Treguard Sequence Number 1

Alex B?

Rachel yeah, I'm confused but go for it

Treguard Correct

Alex It's ok, I think I've got it.

Rachel ok, I get it now

Treguard you are doing well team

A puzzle sequence in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard here is sequence number 2

Rachel Is it C Alex???

Rachel no, it's D I think

Alex It won't stay on long enough.

Treguard pretend that the thing you turn is 4 sided. Ignore the lines that separate the different choices

Alex Yeah I get that.

Rachel I dunno Alex, C or D I think

Treguard Well. Which one to you think that it is not?

Alex D I think. Just a sec.

Treguard Turn your heads - the easiest way

Rachel well, turning the computer is kinda hard..

Alex It's C or D. They're the same,

Treguard Also keep in mind that the triangles have equal sides

Treguard Time is ticking away team

Rachel what's the difference between C and D??

Alex I don't think there is one!

Rachel It's D I think - turned 90* clockwise

Alex Yeah, go for D. We can only die.

Rachel yipee!!!

Rachel there is no difference

Treguard There is a difference team. In D the triangles are turned a different way totally

Alex They are round different ways.

Treguard Remember. All sides are equal length

Rachel C is D upside down

*Alex gets a ruler.

Alex Yeah it is. Ah! I think it's C.

Treguard Correct

Alex Well, that was a good guess.

Treguard That took a bit team. But the puzzle was against you. It had 2 answers.

A puzzle sequence in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard NEXT. Hurry team. Time ticks away

Rachel It's definitely C

Treguard you have 1.7 minutes on this and the next one

Alex Yeah, It's C.

Rachel C

Treguard Correct

Alex yay

Treguard Well done team

A puzzle sequence in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Alex A do you reckon?

Treguard Sequence 4

Alex It's A or B, since the others have more than 4 things.

Rachel A, go for A

Treguard Correct

Alex YAY!

Rachel we are amazing

A green room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel this looks too... empty

Treguard The screen disappears revealing the two exits at the back of the room.

Alex And green.

Rachel right door Alex???

Alex Right door.

Alex YES.

*Rachel goes through Right door

A blue clue room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel go up to the table

Treguard You look at the objects with curiosity. There are A scroll, An Apple, A bottle of poison, A small mirror, A Jar with the label Aspirins on it, A bag of menthol sweets.

Alex Read scroll.

Alex Wait, take food,

Treguard You take the food first

Treguard The scroll says: "Surprise!"

Rachel apple or sweets???

Alex Surprise?

Help arrives in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Alex It's Jesus.

Treguard :)

Treguard A man appears out of nowhere.

Treguard "Oh dear me! We'll have to get that portal fixed. Can't have cheap portals lying around. You see, I would have come in my BMW, but the local Ye Olde Petrol Station didn't have any 4-dragon star. Typical!"

Rachel I am innocent

Treguard So. What are you doing here?

Alex "I'm selling these fine leather jackets..."

Alex "Actually, we're on a quest."

Treguard Really. But what are you doing HERE?

Alex Err, getting, clues?

Treguard Well you seem to be stuck in choosing which two objects to take. I know, since this is my first time. I'll give you some free tips. Here's a clue."

Treguard "Make her feel better"

Treguard Now, by the rules of the dungeon, I can only give advice on one of the objects. What other object you take it up to you really."

Treguard And check your objects

Rachel has she got a cough or a headache???

Treguard I don't know. The wisdom of the Forester tells me this. Who he is we won't know until episode 17

Treguard Remember. Take another clue

Rachel what's on the table again???

Treguard "Ok then. Farewell!"

Treguard A scroll, An Apple, A bottle of poison, A small mirror, A Jar with the label Aspirins on it, A bag of menthol sweets.

Treguard Would you like descriptions?

Alex Is the mirror a spy glass?

Rachel eat the apple or the sweets ???

Treguard The Apple is food

Treguard The Bag contains Menthol Sweets

Treguard The mirror is simply a mirror

Rachel eat the apple

Treguard Remember. Check your items

Treguard You put it in your knapsack

Rachel read the label on the sweets and read the bottle of poison carefully

Alex Rachel?

Rachel I think we should take the aspirins

Alex Mirror and aspirin? but another clue???

Treguard check your items team

Alex Agreed.

Treguard yes

Rachel damn, that's my intelligent but over

Rachel I'm not allowed to talk about sweets or lollipops though

Treguard Hurry team. Sidriss and Merlin are getting pi**ed off!

Rachel what do you think Alex???

Alex Aspirins and mirror.

Alex That's my guess.

Rachel yep, go for it (no sweets for me)

Rachel Aspirin to cure someone

Alex No, take the mirror and the ASPIRINS.

Treguard You take the mirror and the bottle of aspirins

Treguard You exit through the right-hand door

Rachel maybe there's nothing in the bottle.

Treguard You exit the room. You emerge on a ledge. The ledge carries on to the end of the room where there is an exit.

Rachel go to the exit...

Treguard You go to the exit

Rachel right...

Treguard You go to the exit. As you go through, a zombie appears and starts to follow you.

A blue clue room in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge in a room like the one before this. There is an exit at the end of the room.

Rachel aaaarrrrrrggghhhhh, it's scary

Alex Show the zombie the mirror. Maybe that will scare it off.

Treguard You hold up the mirror. But it does nothing

Rachel f*ck off or I'll set Alex on you

Rachel okay, run

Treguard The zombie is getting closer team


Treguard You exit

Rachel where are we now???

A room with four numbered exits in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a small room. There are no exits, but in front of you are four numbered doors.

Treguard Well team. You aren't at the end of Level 2, but you have appeared to enter a room of choice. Each door leads to a different path. But one of these doors will cut out the cavern sections of this level whereas the other three won't. It's your choice. 1, 2, 3 or 4. Choose Now!

Alex Strange, I would have thought my face would scare anyone off.

Rachel mm... so would I (j/k)

Treguard Well team. Decide now!

Alex Number 2.

Rachel shall we go for 4 (my lucky number) or 1 (my birthday)

Alex Ok, 4 it is.

*Rachel goes to 4

Treguard You go through Door NUMBER 4!!!!

Alex Take the money!

Alex Oh, wrong show. Sorry.

Treguard Bad luck team. You didn't choose the door that could have saved you lots of trouble but never mind.

An elf in a clearing in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel ooh, a pretty dog

Treguard You emerge in a clearing. Behind you are the caves you just came out of and in front of you is another exit leading back into the caves. Just in front of you are an elf and a wolf.

Rachel which door was that btw???

Rachel hello, we love nature??? Alex, shall we try it???

Treguard door 2

Alex Try what?

Treguard This wolf is magical. It can be in two different places at one time

Treguard I should talk to her

Rachel saying 'we love nature... remember'

Rachel talk to her

Treguard "Hello there. I'm Vestala and this is Logan. She's not my pet you understand, but I do care for her and protect her I will if necessary. What are your intentions?"

Alex Why hellllo ...

Rachel 'we are here on a quest'

Alex We just want to get to level 3.

Treguard What for?

Alex The cup.

Treguard "That is fine then."

Rachel 'can you help us ???'

Rachel please

Treguard "Listen. Beyond the entrance lies a maze of caves. If you help me I will tell you how to survive the maze. I've always wanted to know what county Stonehenge is in. Could you tell me please?

Alex Er ..

Rachel Alex, if we lie will she know

Alex Rachel?

Rachel Wiltshire. I'm sure...

Treguard "That's interesting. I didn't know that. Well, since you have given me some information, here's some information for you.

Treguard Right here we are. hang on a moment while I pull it out

Rachel (I'm glad she's not male and saying that)

Alex LOL

A map in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard This map shows you how to get from the start to the end of the caves. The rooms with a fire symbol or tree symbol in them are there for guidance, so you can get your bearings. Don't enter rooms with an "X" in them as they are crawling with zombies and that is where they prepare their young for the time of feast. Remember, when you enter a room, ALL exits will be visible including the one you came through, so be careful.

Treguard Feel free to write this down.

Rachel I can't, Alex, write it down

Alex Hold on

Treguard Right

Alex Should I copy the map?

Rachel do a screen shot

Treguard good idea team. Do that

Treguard 1 minute of map left

Treguard Bye

Alex bye, and thanks

Treguard You exit automatically

A cave with multiple exits in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You are at the starting point. There are 3 exits. Left, Ahead, and Right.

Treguard Left, ahead or right team

Alex Map says left.

Alex So... left?

Rachel I don't understand the map, so yes

Alex It's ok, I got it.

Treguard You go through the left door

Rachel if there's a tree here, then I get it

A cave with multiple exits in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You are in the vegetation room. There are 2 exits. Left and Right.

Alex Left again, I do believe.

Rachel where are we trying to get to???

Treguard You exit through the left door

Treguard THE EXIT which is the very top box. North East of the Fire room on your map

Rachel ok, just checking

Treguard you are doing well team

Treguard I'm glad you were able to write down the map

Rachel have we still got that sight spell???

Treguard otherwise you might have had to memorize it

A cave with multiple exits in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard There are 4 exits Far Left, Middle left, Middle Right, and Far Right.

Rachel do we want middle right Alex???

Alex I think we should skip the fire room and go for the first right. Door 3 from the left. Middle right.

Treguard You go through the middle right door

A cave with multiple exits in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard There are 4 exits Far Left, Middle left, Middle Right, and Far Right.

Rachel um... far right I think

Alex Far right?

Alex Yup.

Treguard You go through the far right door

Treguard I hear moans team

A cave with multiple exits in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel right door again I believe... Alex ??? (when we get there)

Alex Left I think.

Treguard Hang on

Alex Right will take us back.

Rachel no, it is left. Sorry Alex

Alex It's reversed. Yeah, left it is.

Rachel I know, I nearly screwed up then

Treguard You go through the left door. You're nearly there!!

An exit to the caverns in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Rachel straight through the door

Treguard "Well done team. You made it through the caverns!" There is an exit in front of you. As you look around you hear the moans of the zombies that lurk here. They come. They come!!!"

Alex RUN!

A creature at the lake in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge in a clearing. The caverns lie behind you. In front of you are dense tree growth which carries on into the distance. There are two exits. One to the left and one to the right. You see a dark figure approach you.

Treguard "Warning team. This is Medusa! Stare to long and you'll be turned to stone!

Rachel can we have time out at this point

Treguard NOOOO!!

Rachel mirror, where's the flipping mirror

Treguard hahahaha!

Alex Mirror!

Rachel and look away

Treguard You look away while using the mirror

*Rachel moves her head so she can't see the computer screen

Alex Hey it's my old English teacher!

Rachel it's my ex-boyfriend

The medusa at the lake in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You hold up the mirror. You hear shrieking sounds and watch Medusa turn to stone due to her own stare. Well done team, but even though Medusa now has a stone silence, she won't stay that way forever.

Alex Right door.

Treguard You exit through the door

A lady at the castle in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You emerge from the clearing and continue along a narrow path. You can't see into the distance as a low mist has swept the land. The path seems to go on forever, but you eventually end up at the front of a castle.

Treguard Ahead of you is the door which isn't locked, but above you a woman looks down on you.

Rachel talk to her

Treguard "Hey you there. Yes you! What is your name?"

Alex Art. Art Vandalay.

Treguard "My god. The healer has come! I am not feeling well at all. I have a terrible stuffed up nose. Do you have anything which could help me?"

Rachel 'I'm Rachel the wonderful and he's Alex'

Rachel Yes we do. We have aspirin. That's good for colds

Alex Crush and inhale them.

Treguard “Let's see... an EMPTY jar of aspirins? Be gone through the door then and don't bother coming back again.”

Rachel this is magical aspirin remember

Alex Just exit.

Rachel (I bet we need a spell or something from her)

Treguard You exit

Rachel umm... that's a nice dress...

Treguard [GONG] Time Out!!

Session 3 - 24 September 2000

Image of Treguard for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Oh it's you watchers. You should be careful not to sneak up on people like that. Many accidents have happened that way.

Treguard Well, I'm sure you're here for your regular 1-hour dungeon fest. It's week 3, and the first team is still in progress, so here's a progress report.



A causeway of letters in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You exit through the door. You emerge on a lettered causeway. Time ticks away team!

Alex Torment it is.

Treguard You choose the correct word and make it across.

Rachel we're amazing... even if we are about to die

Treguard well we'll see

A skeletron guard in the second season of the Knightmare RPG.

Treguard You enter a small room. There is an exit at the back of the room, but guarding the exit is a Skeletron. "Password now. Give it to me, or you perish in total ignorance. Take your pick. Either way, you'll become my supper!"

Rachel What next...

Alex "Fuzzulating Meloderms"

Rachel Hmm... Alex, Neil, any ideas???

Rachel No, lollipop. I like lollipop

Treguard What could this password be


Rachel NOOOO, LOLLIPOP. LOLLIPOPs rule the world

Alex Uh, we don't have the password.

Neil Please don't debate this here.

Treguard "Right, well I guess you're not permitted to pass through after all. It was nice knowing you. Bye!!!" The Skeletron tilts back onto his foot, then swings forward lurching his sword into you.

Image of the skull dead sequence for the Knightmare RPG

Treguard Bad luck team, you just received a good stab that's all. Now I must dismiss you the same way you dismissed my virtual dungeoneer. Spell Casting DISMISS.

Rachel yay!!! we died

Treguard goodbye team!

Rachel Do we get scrolls??

Treguard Ah sorry. There you go. Scrolls of thickness

Alex Thank you.

Treguard seya

(Next quest)

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Games Factory Knightmare Games


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Theme Music

Cover featuring Ed Welch, composer of the Knightmar e theme music.

The iconic Knightmare theme was composed by Ed Welch (born 1947).

RPG Season 2 Quest 4

Dice on red textile. Photo by Joel Abraham on Unsplash.

The fourth quest in the second season of the Interactive Knightmare RPG. The team is Louk, Ashley and Robert.

See Also