The KM Top 10 of Everything
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Top 5 favourite characters:
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Gwen - girl power
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Hordriss - cool hair - top actor
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Pickle - again, great actor, kinda watered down the atmosphere in a good way when i got too scared as a kid, felt like your pal
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Treguard, obviously, there can be no other dungeon master
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Lord Fear - hence my forum name. Just has that whole powerful, 'dominant one' thang going on. (Don't ask....)
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- Lord Fear - hence my forum name. Just has that whole powerful, 'dominant one' thang going on. (Don't ask....)
LOL. Nice list, by the way!
Top 10 Quests I Wish Teams Had Been Sent On - Treguard has enough crowns retrieved already, and I think it'd encourage him to take more care of things if kids didn't go off retrieving them all the time. Here are the quests I'd send the brats on instead. I hope you'll agree that at least some of them are worthy causes.
10. The Quest To Get Brother Strange A Life. The guy wanders around tunnels. In his vaguely more interesting incarnation, he wanders around tunnels collecting proverbs. He needs help, Team.
9. The Quest To Lock The Maid Up Never To Be Seen Again. The teams who had to free one of the maids but failed miserably had the right idea, but sadly the evil wenches managed to escape captivity. Thus I charge you and your friends to take this annoying piece of dungeon trash and lock her in the deepest catacomb where noone will ever have the misfortune of finding her.
8. The Quest To Get Mildread A Makeover. Poor misunderstood Mildread. If you were ugly and warty with grey skin, and thus noone invited you to parties or asked you out on a date, wouldn't you turn to such misdeeds as impersonating other, more attractive people and attempting to make soup out of such good-looking specimens? In the name of Truth and Justice, seek out a stylist and beautician (since they've all appeared on our screens recently, random chance suggests at least one must have been in the dungeons in the late 1980s) and get her the help she needs.
7. The Quest To Slay Pickle's Barber. Justice demands his crimes be punished!
6. The Quest To Destroy Mrs. G's Fake Nose. It's developed a life of its own, has escaped the props box and is running rampage!
5. The Quest To Hide Elita's Voice Somewhere Where No-one Will Ever Find It. Note to teams- if she ever loses it and you happen across it, forget your quest and find some place to hide said evil entity. Merlin's beard is possibly a good hiding place.
4. The Quest To Destroy The Eye Shield And Reach Wand. "These objects were created by the Dark Lord Sauron someone and will bring evil abject boredom upon the world audience unless they can be unmade. The only place they can be safely destroyed is deep in Mordor Level 3. Go now, fair hobbit horrid 12 year old, and know that on your quest you'll have the aid of the Lords of Men, Elves and Dwarves three other 12 year olds."
3. The Quest To Find Velda's Acting Ability. She's obviously lost it somewhere!
2. The Quest To Arrange A Date With Lillith For Treguard. Don't tell me there wasn't an attraction between them!
1. The Quest To Throw A Custard Pie In Mogdred's Face. Oh come on, how fabulous would it be? In the final confrontation, just as he's talking about looking upon him and quailing and whatever, team spellcasts PIE and a huge animated pie flies across the screen and hits him square in the face. I'd love to see his reaction, too.
Yes, I'm a bitch. Narrowly missing the cut were the Quest To Throw Casper The Key Off A Ledge and the Quest To Enforce Brother Mace's New Slimming Regime.
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The thing about Pickle's hair - so true, my Dad is always on about setting it alight. He is so mean.....
I have another quest to add to your list;
No.11: Quest to capture Lord Fear and drag him back to Julie's lair where we.....(and so forth)
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Hehe, those are good.
After saying earlier today how we shouldn't feel bad about mentioning some of the things we didn't like in KM, I thought I'd exercise that right with my:
Top 10 Cringeworthy Things in Knightmare - the things that just unnerve or annoy me, or that I wish I could forget, hide, or go back in time and unmake. These are my opinions only. They do not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Grimwolds.
10. Scenes Using Reach. - They bore me so much.
9. When The Life Force Pie Cake Quiche Comes On Screen. - Obviously.
8. When Snapper Jack Talks. - He looks fitting enough, it's just when he opens his mouth.
7. John Woodnutt Spellcasting. - He does it so slowly! It's like he's trying to grab every second of screen time he can get away with by saying the letters really slowly. It's lucky as Merlin he had spells like VIM which were pretty short. If he'd had more of the length of something like REJUVENATE it'd have taken hours. As Merlin, the way he waves his silly little wand around while saying every single letter annoys me too.
6. Olaf's Accent. - While I think he acted certain other roles well, that accent just makes me cringe.
5. John Woodnutt Pushing Dungeoneers Out Of The Way. - I watched a few bits the other day, and there's one poor child he pushes pretty darn firmly to one side so he's fully in shot to deliver his lines and spellcast really s-l-o-w--l----y! Yes, make the best shot, but don't hurt the darling kidsies in the process.
4. Some Of Smirkenorff's Flights. Some look great, but there's some that look really icky so you can't tell whether the strangely coloured thing in the background is land, sea or sky. Some of the colouring is just weird. Red grass just doesn't do anything for me.
3. Captain Nemanor. - Not sure if it's the accent, the acting or the ridiculous hat, really. The "lightning rod" scene is one I find particularly excruciating.
2. Velda Firing Her Crossbow. - You all expected me to put her acting in this list, but I'm having a day off mentioning it. Her crossbow bolts were, however, pretty terribly animated. As someone else has said elsewhere, surely the bolts shouldn't be bigger than the crossbow.
1. End of Series 4. - Specifically, the Christmas scene. I just can't watch it.
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Agreed... which is a shame, because this episode and in particular the last 5 minutes or so BEFORE the christmassy bit is just about the best part of Series 4
I say they should have spent that 5 minutes letting the team get through the Transporter puzzle, then find their quest object in the next room. They sure as heck deserved it!
- another pet peeve of post S3 - no "pick up bits of your quest along the way to remind you what your quest is" stuff.
GG - you don't like Olaf? I found his exagerated accent quite amusing... even if just for mockery value. Though you can't knock Treguards "Scandinavian Tourist" accent!
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(Gah! Double post! Bad Cull! X_x )
Well, it's not what I said I was going to do, but I thought I'd shove in my list of "Top 15 Dungeoneer Deaths". I tried cutting it down to 10, but felt I had a few extra I wanted in the list so chucked them in too. I thought about doing this as an overall "means of death", but some individual instances stick out more than others for me.
15 - Skarkill (S5.2)
As I said in the S5 episode thread about this death, I did feel it was a bit of bad luck and misfortune on the team for "hurriedly grabbing" the wrong item. Plus they try so hard to plea their way out of Skarkill's hands, yet are pretty much doomed from the moment Skarkill reaches them. You just feel so sorry for those guys!
14 - Sylvester Hands (S6.4)
Okay, so the "death" itself isn't such a great one. But to see the skull from the original Life Force just when you thought it had gone forever really knocks this death up a notch!
13 - B&T (S4.4)
For giving us the whole "Sidestep to your left!" joke. Plus it's so sudden and hilarious that you can't help but join Treguard in laughing... even the advisors seem to be holding themselves back from laughing!
12 - Cedric (S2.7)
Hooray! Cedric gets a kill! It's one of those deaths that you wonder about... "what would happen if Cedric got his way with a dungeoneer?", and here it is - Quarterstaff practice where only Cedric gets a staff.
11 - Dividing Rod Room (S2.
Maybe not a great one to a lot of people, but it's one that's stuck with me in memory since the first time I saw it. It's one that gave me a real sense of "Well, let's see them get out of this mess then!"
10 - Life Force Expire (S2.12)
Another of those deaths you want to see... the Life Force expiring. And that's precisely how this team died. True, it was because they didn't get Merlin's magic (probably a spell like ENERGY to restore the Life Force), but the fact that they died this way makes this death a special one to me.
9 - Thin Causeway (S3.6)
Another one that's stayed with me since I first saw it. The long, tense trip Ross takes along that causeway is real edge-of-your-seat stuff, and having watched them work their way through Level 2 throughout the episode makes you want them to make it. and then at the last moment they fall, and the way the LF skull pops out fo the bottom of the screen - what a finish!
8 - COB (S8.2)
It was hard to think of which COB death stood out the most, but I think we can all agree the "red paint" of the S8 team makes it stand out (in more ways than one!). I do feel it's a bit unfair, as the impression was made that "if you don't have the Insight spell/potion, you're scuppered", which is a load of rubbish considering how others have done okay without such spells, so it feels that however well they did here they would have died... sorry, I'm rabbiting on here. Either way, classic example of how the COB can finish of both good and bad quests.
7 - Morghana (S3.11)
It's not so much the means of death here, but more the urgency of the situation. I've watch this team time and time again (they're one of my favourites), and every time they're at this point I want one of the advisors to yell "Martin! Run forwards!!!! NOW!!!!". A sad end to a fine quest that IMHO deserved to win!
6 - Dreadnought (S6.2)
Say what you like about the S6-7 Life Force, but it's used to it's best here. The music really adds tension to the "that's it, we're boned" situation, and the way Dreadnought utters "WITH NO WORD... YOU HAVE REACHED JOURNEY'S END..." sends a chill down your spine, and another as the Skeleton LF sequence appears and crumbles before your eyes...
5 - Merlin's Room (S3.9)
You want them to make it. You really do. And he does make it. It's just that follow up step when he stands which makes you grab your head in your hands and shout "nooooooooooooooooo!" as he tumbles into the abyss...
4 - Dark Wellway (S1.1)
Yep, the first ever death had to have a place in here. The way the "dark" version of the Knightmare theme gets used here is brilliant stuff... another spine-tingler.
3 - Ariadne (S4.3)
Yep, another spine tingler. It's the crunching noise that does it.
2 - Ghost Sword (S3.2)
Sword hits, Chris, Life Force gets put on Fast Forward. You pretty much see his entire life get drained out of him! Top stuff!
1 - Medusa (S2.3)
And my top one is this one... the Medusa. The eerie sound effects in the background add to the sense that the team have lost, and you've gotta love the advisors getting turned to stone too! This is one of those deaths where I can't help but rewind and rewatch every time I watch it!
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What can I say - Cull, you are so top! I was entertained just reading that list - oh the memories!
Hey - got two spyglass moments for the price of one tonight!
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I really like that list, Cull. I could comment on individual cases, but I think I might follow your example and do a similar list.
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GG - you don't like Olaf? I found his exagerated accent quite amusing... even if just for mockery value.
On the subject of him, I don't know why I'm sure I recognise his name somewhere else though! Does anyone know what elso Tom Karol has acted/starred in. I looked on the IMDB but it just says the characters he played in KM though!
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Top 15 Dungeoneer Deaths - Y'all know what I'm putting at #1, but hey. 15 seems to work better than 10 for this one. Reasons for these are varied.
15. Series 3 Team 6 - So close to escaping the haunting axe, but just took one step too many after a slow start in making their escape. They'd got so far that it's effective when they fall off, unlike the teams who just step off a ledge earlier on.
14. Series 8 Team 5 - No-one ever seems to mention this. This one's why the Miremen are slightly creepy after all.
13. Series 2 Team 12 - The whole life force fading idea was an interesting thing to see.
12. Series 1 Team 1 - It set the standard, really, and is pretty creepy in its own right. I suppose it plays on every child's fear of the dark.
11. Series 5 Team 7 - Just for the surreal value, really! Getting eaten by a Blocker while transformed into a goblin complete with odd voice has to get the originality vote.
10. Series 2 Team 2 - Again a childhood fear type one, really. A ghost comes to get you and you've nothing to stop it.
9. Series 4 Team 3 - Ariadne is just the creepiest thing in Knightmare, I think. It's evident that a lot of teams though so too from their reactions to Treguard mentioning her and to her appearances in screen. The sound effects here are pretty scary too.
8. Series 5 Team 2 - I liked the team, and in a way thought it was sad Skarkill didn't accept the magic horn ploy. However, Rayner Bourton plays it really well, and it manages to be creepy too.
7. Series 6 Team 4 - It's the speed with which Sly moves, partly. Plus the skull. Oh, and the bit about it in Illusion's "Teams" commentary, which always makes me laugh when I happen to read it.
6. Series 4 Team 2 - For it being the first Corridor of Blades death.
5. Series 4 Team 1 - You know almost as soon as they start trying to spellcast TRANSFORMATION that they won't have time before the magic sword gets to them.
4. Series 2 Team 11 - The whole POISON/POTION mix-up, and Lillith at her bitchy best. I always laugh.
3. Series 2 Team 8 - I do love this one, and I'm glad to see Cull had it in his list too. Treguard is really quite sadistic during their little ordeal.
2. Series 2 Team 5 - Mogdred is just fantastic here. The "Play a while... play Forever!" line is one of his very best. I find it really creepy.
1. Series 3 Team 10 - It's funny and slightly disturbing at the same time. The fact it's so good is almost highlighted by Treguard himself. His "Ooh, that is nasty" makes it sound like this is worse than any death he's seen before in his career of sending innocent children to the slaughter.
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Cull! Exactly how long did it take you to write all of that...
Not that long really... probably best part of an hour overall. First had to read through all the deaths, recall them in my head as best I could, sift through them for "nominees", and then sort them into an order. Then hop online, post the list, give a "brief" description for each and get it posted.
Hope he's on Broadband 'cause I'd HATE to see the phone bil otherwise!!
AJK
Sadly not (though hopefully before long I can sort out Cable). I'm on NTL's "£10 a month for unlimited use" thingy, so time isn't really an issue - dealing with slow Dial-Up connections is though!
GG - I do like that list. A couple there I'd forgotten about! I don't remember the Mirmen too well, so can't say about that death, but some of those were certainly worhty of the "Ooh... nasty!" in their own rights! (And was that really the case with Lilith? Probably explains why she disappears after S2...)
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GG - I do like that list. A couple there I'd forgotten about! I don't remember the Mirmen too well, so can't say about that death, but some of those were certainly worhty of the "Ooh... nasty!" in their own rights! (And was that really the case with Lilith? Probably explains why she disappears after S2...)
Oops. Thankyou for the compliment, even though I am 2 months late in responding to it. hangs head in shame
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Okay, I haven't mentioned her much lately, so here's my:
Top 10 Reasons Why I Dislike Velda:
**10. **She's a hypocrite. She's apparently "strong on courtesy" and then attacks people on sight. The fact one of them is my hubbie has nothing to do with me including this reason.
**9. **That silly catlike crouch she does. It looks so silly. Just look at the picture of her under the Characters section in the S3 Guide on Illusion's site if you don't know what I mean.
**8. **That tepid scene with Team 1 of Series 3. She's so hot on courtesy, but relents completely when they just say "Can I get past please?". If I was so strong on courtesy, which I'm not, I'd want a bit more than that, even from 12 year-olds.
**7. **The wig. I assume it's a wig, since it looks terrible in close-ups.
**6. **The general overacting. As opposed to-
**5. **The fact she's obviously on Prozac and been drinking coffee non-stop for the last 10 hours. She's just so hyperactive, it makes you wonder how anyone could ever aim to hold anything approaching a conversation with her.
**4. **The word I can't make out that she keeps using. Please someone, tell me what a "doolie" (sp?) is. At least it sounds like that, anyway. Actually, I couldn't care less, but now I've asked I'll nod politely when smeone explains it.
**3. "EEEELVEN DEATH!!!!" **and all those other silly things she shouts far too loudly.
**2. **More of a general rant, but the fact that the Elves in Knightmare are nothing like each other. Yes, some differences are cool, but Pickle's meek and dull as Dunswater (my opinion!), Elita's a SuperBitch while Velda's this Prozac-filled coffee-overdosing hormonal maniac who should never have been allowed anywhere near a crossbow, let alone allowed to wield one.
**1. **The crossbow, or more specifically the bolts fired from it, which are enormous and completely unrealistic. They also move slowly enough so that it'd probably be possible to dodge them if it weren't in the script for her target to stand there lamely waiting for it to get near them.
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Here's Everybodys favirote Goblain Master's Top 10 Dungeon Monsters.
10. Mire-Trogs S8: I know they only made 2 apperences BUT the scene were one is bareing down on a dungoneer is a image that still sticks in my mind.
9. Snap Dragons S8: The sheer speed at which they came out of the holes. Never got a kill but by god they out the Fear of Fear into some teams.
- Trolls S6-S8: With two deaths to there name one of the most intimadating of all of Lord Fear's Dungon Monsters. Nicola's death at the hands (Or should I say Feet) of a troll in S7 is one of the spookest deaths in KM history.
7. Tiny The Hobgoblain S5-S6: A Few apperences but used to scare the liveing daylights out of me as a kid. Not as frightning now though.
**6. Miremen **S8: Agine the death puts these beasties up here. I also liked the scene were there advancing on a dungeoneer in The Seweres Of Goth.
5. Cavenwrights S2-S3: Just A Blanket over an extra I know BUT the fact theses horror's were once human Urggh, the thoughts too hidious to contimplate.
4. Maduser S1-S2: BOY OH BOY. What a neat death sequence even the advisors are affected.
3. The Dreadnought S6: The best Macanical Monster ever in Knightmare.
"I SEEK A WORD. IF IT IS THE WRONG WORD I TAKE A LIME INSTEAD."
Send shivers down my spine even now.
2. The Floating Terrors S2-S6: Ghosts, White Skulls, Pooka's & Stormghiests. The floating Terrors were part of KM for a long time.
1. Goblains S3-S8: Longerst serveing Monsters and most nortorias. The sound of there hunting horn is legendary in KM History and is one of the most Identifable sounds besides the theme tune itself
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Nice job, Skarkill. I think I'll do the Top Creatures thing sometime too.
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