My Up Comeing Fan Fiction.
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Bows, overwhelmed. Thank you, thank you!
I'd like to blame my agent, my manager, my family... with particular condemnation for my brother... I'd like to condemn Drassil and GG for being much better at composing posts than me, Emii for being a better writer than me, Elita for being better at insulting people than me...
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aaaww hugs
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Heres another snipet from Chapter 2 for you guys to mull over and pass coment on if you like.
They next came on a very comical scene. A man in a coat a size to big for him and blue and green cheeked trousers was rummaging about in a chest in the middle of the greenwood.
“Oh Great.” Elita sighed rolling her eyes “That’s all we need its that stupid Hobo Magician Tom Troughton.” “Just because he acts the clown Elita dose not mean he is on. After all appearances can be deceptive.” Treguard replied.
Turning to the Abbie, Richard & Gemmar he advised, “As you have no doubt guessed this fellows name is Tom Troughton. A hobo magician that’s some one who wanders the lands who although highly skilled in magic is not a mage. He can prove to be helpful but at the moment he appears to have other things on his mind.”
“Oh for crying out loud and peters sake, I can’t have lost it.”
He tosses some papers out of the chest. “Oh Bumble Bees were did I put the blessed thing.” He spots Stuart out of the corner of his eye, “Not Now My Dear chap. I have mislaid something of mine and I am trying to find it.”
The team debated “Could he be after the recorder?” Abbie enquired, “I don’t think so.” Gemmar answered “The scroll said music for a clown not a magician.” “But he dose look like one a bit in that coat.” Abbie countered, “and he certainly is acting like one.” Richard added, “I say we ask if it’s the recorder he’s after.” “That’s what I think as well brother.” “I’m not sure but ok.” “Stuart. Ask him if it’s a recorder he’s lost.” Abbie instructed
“Excuse me is it a recorder your after?” Not looking at Stuart “It is indeed my good man. Why?” “Because I think I’ve found it.”
Tom spun round “Are my recorder thank you so much for finding it.” He played a few notes on his recorder. “Oh I do wish he’d shut up.” Elita moaned “his music is worse then his magic.”
“Now then to business my name is Tom Troughton a wandering musician and Hobo magician, at your service.”
“My name is Stuart. “Delighted to meet you my dear chap.” I owe you a favour for returning my recorder so what do you need.”
“Asking if he knows the password or how to get past the Mire-Trog.” Was Richards’s advice. Stuart repeated the question to Tom. “Hmmmm.. I don’t know about the password you’d be better asking Motley or his bride to be Jane Ragnell. But I can tell you how to get passed the Mire-Trog."
“Once you are passed The Blocker take the second left hand door in the multiple-choice room, there is a trapdoor in that room it will drop you down right beside Smirkenorff."
“I don’t know how to open it but you might meat some one who dose, what I can do though is grant you the spell FLOAT it will allow you to drop safely. There you got all that? Good, well I must be off."
"If you need my help in Level 2 though my calling name is Pat, call three times Ok? Toodle Pip then Stuart.”
With that he disappeared from view.
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Skarkill, I am delighted that you've decided to turn your hand to fanfic writing, and I've no doubt that you're enjoying it; but I think I'm going to wait until you've finished the story before I read through it myself and review it. Is that OK?
(By the way, when you've finished it, it's a good idea to sign up to http://www.fanfiction.net and post it there, as most of the Knightmare stories 'live' there. And/or you could submit the story to Illusion, to be included in the next website update.)
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I hope you don't mind one honest criticism, Skarkill. All good writers need criticism, and I only mean this to help make your story better.
I really think your trader needs to be a bit more his own person, if you're going to use him rather than just use Julius Scaramonger. While I understand it's difficult to make a trader unique without being silly (and Knightmare certainly had that problem) I look through the first bit of Chapter 2 there and lots of his lines really just are pretty much exactly the same things Julius said. Perhaps you might just spend a bit of time working on unique things that can be his lines, since you've made the brave step of using your own character (which is a great idea to do, rather than just recycling old ones!).
Anyway, I hope you see I mean well here.
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Just to reiterate what some other people said, I'm not sure about the choice of Elita as assistant. To be frank, I think Elita's funniest in smallish cameo-style doses- I really don't know if it'd work with her central like that, especially since I find it hard to imagine her working for *anyone *else as an assistant, without a supremely good reason. Even if Majida "picked" her, I would just imagine Elita would tell them both where to stick the job and the Reach Wand in particular. I just can't imagine Elita completely "selling out" like that, even if she did mellow somewhat over the series themselves.
Just my opinion.
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I apprechiate thoses comments.
As far as Elita gose well I like I said I needed some one who I could write for in the role of the assistant.
The Deal/Scaramonger problem is a bit more complex.
You see (as Role play forum members know) Edward Deal is one of my main character on The Role Play forum. In that he is a disstingctly different character from Julius and Bartram.
But he is such a evil, vendictive, sadistic & Psycotic character in it that I felt I needed to tone him down for the fan fic. The Edward Deal of my fan fic is just a toned down version of the Role play one.
Which unfortunatly dose make him resembal Julius.
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Oh, I don't think it matters horrendously if he resembles Julius, but looking through his encounter again I can count at least 3 or 4 of his lines that are lines Julius used. That's why I suggested sitting down and thinking of new and perhaps even better lines.
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I Have Deal slated for another apperence. It was going to be another tradeing scene But you are right he is becomeing a rip off of Julius. I have instead moved him in to a sub-plot that I will spring in the next chapter.
So Next time Deal apperser in the dungon its going to be as the smooth talking Killer of The Role Play Forum.
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Hehe, I'll definitely look forward to reading that bit!
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