Knightmare production meetings
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[Three unnamed members of the Knightmare production team are sitting round a table, very late at night, pre-Series 7.]
A: More ProPlus?
B: Please.
How abouuut... Reptyler?A: No.
B: Salamandar?
A and
Ooh, no!A: Ah! I know! Skalyy! With a k, and two ys! Or even three!
B: No, no.
Saurianus?A: You said that one. Five hours ago.
[The trio slump frustrated over the table, tapping fingers. A fourth staff member comes in.]
You three calling it a night soon? Only the weather's taking a turn for a worse. Looks like a storm... no, that's not the word I meant... a wintry gale type thing... a blizzard.B and
Got it! Lissard!A: Ding ding! I like it. It's innovative, subtle... it's the one.
Yessss.B: So, we'll call him Lissard. With a double s. Su-perb. Good night, chaps.
[And at a similar meeting years earlier...]
A: Hey, don't sit around reading comics during a meeting! [confiscates a comic from B, who sulks] What's this... 'Spiderman versus the Green Goblin' - honestly! We're at work here! Mr. Child wants us to think of things we can add to the Dungeon, to make it more scary. Simple threats to make the kids jumpy. How about some ideas from you for once?
B: A spider and some goblins.
A: Genius! [makes notes] You really do hide your light under a bushel, young man! Where do you get your ideas?
-
Very good. I can only imagine what the never-actually-seen Count Brinkatore would be like if he ever appeared. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...
...But now, more Scenes From Knightmare Production Meetings:
[Pre-Series 4.]
A: ...And then Merlin delivers the line, 'you do want to be home in time for Christmas, don't you boys?' The Series ends on a festive high. Sensational and touching.
B: There is no way we're doing that! It's intolerable!
Horrible idea! They'll be complaining about it for years to come. Absolutely not. Insulting. I'm afraid there's no way we're agreeing to that.A: Gentlemen, there is a small incendiary device planted under this table...
B: Excellent, a festive high, perfect.
Wish I'd thought of it. Love it. You're a star.
A: A Life Force Face? Nooo. Another year of the Walking Man? I think not. We need something groundbreaking, simple, reeking of freshness, something that screams from the rooftops of the importance of Life Force. And here it is: A Life Force Cake!
[The others start to protest. A. holds up a hypnotist's pendant, and swings it. They all grin and nod in unison.]
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