They would never say...
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[Block & Tackle, Series 4, Quest 4.]
Andrew: Simon! Sidestep to your left.
[Simon does so, and falls down a hole.]
Simon: Weeeeeeeee! Ouch.
Andrew: [To Donna Noble from Doctor Who, standing behind him] That's the last time I take advice from a time-travelling Cockney!
Pickle: She ain't fussed, Master.
Treguard: Bovvered, Pickle. It's bovvered.
Boatman: Shallow is the Dunswater, and hot. The fare for the crossing is pizza or pot.
Treguard: [Sighs] That's the last time we give a student a holiday job.
Lillith: Rock to rock and bop to pop, jive to jazz until you drop! This is Lil on 87-88 KM, Zone Radio, playing the music you just can't help grooving to. I'm back with your requests, right after this.
[The Present Day. At the home of Scott, veteran dungeoneer of Series 3, his baby son has pulled himself up from the floor and is holding onto the sofa.]
Scott's Wife: Quick, I think he's about to start walking. Get the camera!
[Scott runs out. But by the time he's returned with the camera, the baby has already walked.]
Scott: Oh no, I missed the first step! [Looks into the camera.] Like that's never happened before. [Winks.]
Scott's Wife: What?
(With apologies to Scott and to any real-life wives and children he may have.)
[A dungeoneer steps into the descender, which then begins to speak.]
Descender: Yes, hello and welcome. I am the Desecender, anachronist, minemalist and with flooring smoother than a wellway's bottom. Enjoy your ride.
(Just repaying some old compliments. )
-
And I can't thank you enough. You've actualy gone and put me in a good mood. See? This is my 'happy' face.
-
Treguard: The f*****g power's off!
-
Lord Fear: "You know Lissard, I think I'm falling in love with you."
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Igneous: "I praise you for your courageous efforts at answering my riddles."
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(Start of series 7, right after Majida pops out of her bottle)
Treguard: I'll buy that for a dollar! Gahahahaha!!!
Olaf: Lemon curry?!
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Lord Fear: Do you really expect me to let you through easily you puny minded fool?
Lord Fear: Err... I guess that means yes?
Dungeoneer: I thought you were an expert at technology grey-face! I would have used a camera but that kind of 'red-eye' is less satisfying than this one! Mwahahahahaha!
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Dungeoneer: Okay there's a table with a red gem, a scroll, some sort of key and a MK-47.
Advisors: Do you think we should take the key and the gem?
Dungeoneer: Are you nuts? I'm taking the MK-47
Advisors: Uh are you sure..?
Dungeoneer: Hey i didn't start this thing BUT NOW IT'S F***ING OOOOON!!!
-
Treguard: Now, you've read the Adventurer's Code. There are few rules in the Dungeon but those there are, I'll remind you of. The first rule of Knightmare is: you do not talk about Knightmare. The second rule of Knightmare is: you do NOT talk about Knightmare.
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Treguard: "The gate is opening, the visor's cl-...
You know what? Bugger the visor. You've enough to deal with as it is."
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Grimwold (to Young Grimwold)*: Good talk, son.
*During a cross-Dungeon Grimwold family vacation with so-called hilarious consequences.
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Lord Fear: Curse you, Barry the Dungeoneer!
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Lord Fear: Curse you, Barry the Dungeoneer!
Given the title of this thread, along with a vague recollection of him swearing revenge on a dungeoneer called Barry at the end of Series 7, I fear (no pun intended) I am missing something. Would you mind explaining please?
[A dungeoneer falls victim to the Automatum and its weapon.]
Treguard: WOAH. Epic flail, team.
[Firestorm of Marblehead, a.k.a. Bhal-Shebah, turns up at Linghorm, as ordered by Lord Fear. Hiding behind a wall, Maldame magically transplants a third personality into the dragon, before stepping onto her balcony.]
Maldame: What do you want?
Bhal-Shebah: We're here to torch Linghorn.
Shebah: Horm.
Bhal: What?
Shebah: Linghorm.
Bhal: Yeah, like it matters when the place won't exist in two seconds' time. Where are we going after this anyway?
Shebah: Birningham.
Maldame: No, no, no!
Shebah: Why did you say that three times? Are you referencing something?
Maldame: Once for each of your personalities, and the third time was a recap.
Bhal: So, er, can we get on with burning Lingholm, and you?
Maldame: You burn if you want. The lady's not for bur-
[Maldame & Linghorm are consumed in a volley of fireballs.]
Shebah: Couldn't you have let her finish?
Bhal: 'Ning'. She was going to say 'ning', then stand there defiantly. Ow-ow-ow-ow, sudden headache. Do you feel that? Did we just eat ice cream?
Casper: Hey-hey! Third personality breaking through!
Shebah: Aaagh!
Casper: So tell me, who put the Bhal in the Bhal-Shebah-Shebah?
Bhal: Get out of our head! How do we get him out?
[A Maldame Skull Ghost floats up from the Linghorm ruins.]
Maldame Skull Ghost: Keyhole surgery!
-
My earlier post was a reference to the Disney show "Phineas and Ferb", or, more accurately, the character of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmmirtz, who routinely yells "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" I apologise if I come across as a little vague with this explanation, but I can't think of a better way of wording it.
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Hordriss voiceover: The Dungeon Master's receptions are noted in television for their host's exquisite taste, that captivates his guests. Dungeon, captivate, haha. Bah, never mind.
[Treguard is standing in the antechamber with a dungeoneer. He looks across the room at Pickle. Pickle, in the corner, raises an eyebrow. Treguard nods. Pickle nods back, and advances across the room with a silver platter containing the quest equipment. Treguard gives the dungeoneer the first item.]
Dungeoneer: Oh, knapsack!
[Treguard finds a banana in the knapsack. He glares at Pickle... who then takes the banana and offers it to Advisor #1.]
Advisor #1: Delicieux.
[Next, the dungeoneer is presented with the Eyeshield.]
Dungeoneer: Excelente.
[Treguard, pleased at this reaction, gives the dungeoneer the wand.]
Dungeoneer: Monsieur, with zis Reacher you are really spoiling us.
[Treguard beams.]
Advisor #2: No really, spoiling. A lot of people are going to hate it.
Advisor #3: I'd be quite nervous if I were you.
Treguard: You know I can cast DISMISS whenever I like!
[Pickle starts to say something.]
Treguard: --Whatever series this is!
Hordriss: Fear Over Reacher. A sign of good taste.
Treguard: Good taste versus exquisite taste: I win. In your visage!
-
[A dungeoneer uses a spyglass. Lord Fear realises he is being watched.]
Lord Fear: Well if it isn't whatshisname, on the quest for the...
Dungeoneer: ...Cheap car insurance.
Lord Fear: For Goth's sake! Will you people stop bothering me?
Dungeoneer: But I thought you'd be able to help me.
Lord Fear: Nope. Not me. Not here. Wondering if Sir Hugh was more helpful than Rothberry? I can help. Pondering whether Ah Wok ever had wittier wordplay than I? This is the place to find out. But not for wretched car insurance. Treguard, if you're listening, tell your little pests to get it right. Comparethemarkknight.com, Comparethemarket.com. Simples!
[Elita sees the Bimboid.]
Elita: Hullo, ace fake!
[Lord Fear is standing next to the Pool of Veracity and Lissard.]
Lord Fear: Hi, I'm Lord F. I was in my lair one day, minding my own business, when a huge dragon fell on me. I needed a new start. So I thought, why not keep what worked and change what didn't? The tried and tested communications technomagic stayed; the office assistant went, and now I've got one with full mobility who does what I ask when I ask. I'm a PC, and Series 7 was my idea.
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