They would never say...
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Dungeoneer: Okay there's a table with a red gem, a scroll, some sort of key and a MK-47.
Advisors: Do you think we should take the key and the gem?
Dungeoneer: Are you nuts? I'm taking the MK-47
Advisors: Uh are you sure..?
Dungeoneer: Hey i didn't start this thing BUT NOW IT'S F***ING OOOOON!!!
-
Treguard: Now, you've read the Adventurer's Code. There are few rules in the Dungeon but those there are, I'll remind you of. The first rule of Knightmare is: you do not talk about Knightmare. The second rule of Knightmare is: you do NOT talk about Knightmare.
-
Treguard: "The gate is opening, the visor's cl-...
You know what? Bugger the visor. You've enough to deal with as it is."
-
Grimwold (to Young Grimwold)*: Good talk, son.
*During a cross-Dungeon Grimwold family vacation with so-called hilarious consequences.
-
Lord Fear: Curse you, Barry the Dungeoneer!
-
Lord Fear: Curse you, Barry the Dungeoneer!
Given the title of this thread, along with a vague recollection of him swearing revenge on a dungeoneer called Barry at the end of Series 7, I fear (no pun intended) I am missing something. Would you mind explaining please?
[A dungeoneer falls victim to the Automatum and its weapon.]
Treguard: WOAH. Epic flail, team.
[Firestorm of Marblehead, a.k.a. Bhal-Shebah, turns up at Linghorm, as ordered by Lord Fear. Hiding behind a wall, Maldame magically transplants a third personality into the dragon, before stepping onto her balcony.]
Maldame: What do you want?
Bhal-Shebah: We're here to torch Linghorn.
Shebah: Horm.
Bhal: What?
Shebah: Linghorm.
Bhal: Yeah, like it matters when the place won't exist in two seconds' time. Where are we going after this anyway?
Shebah: Birningham.
Maldame: No, no, no!
Shebah: Why did you say that three times? Are you referencing something?
Maldame: Once for each of your personalities, and the third time was a recap.
Bhal: So, er, can we get on with burning Lingholm, and you?
Maldame: You burn if you want. The lady's not for bur-
[Maldame & Linghorm are consumed in a volley of fireballs.]
Shebah: Couldn't you have let her finish?
Bhal: 'Ning'. She was going to say 'ning', then stand there defiantly. Ow-ow-ow-ow, sudden headache. Do you feel that? Did we just eat ice cream?
Casper: Hey-hey! Third personality breaking through!
Shebah: Aaagh!
Casper: So tell me, who put the Bhal in the Bhal-Shebah-Shebah?
Bhal: Get out of our head! How do we get him out?
[A Maldame Skull Ghost floats up from the Linghorm ruins.]
Maldame Skull Ghost: Keyhole surgery!
-
My earlier post was a reference to the Disney show "Phineas and Ferb", or, more accurately, the character of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmmirtz, who routinely yells "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" I apologise if I come across as a little vague with this explanation, but I can't think of a better way of wording it.
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Hordriss voiceover: The Dungeon Master's receptions are noted in television for their host's exquisite taste, that captivates his guests. Dungeon, captivate, haha. Bah, never mind.
[Treguard is standing in the antechamber with a dungeoneer. He looks across the room at Pickle. Pickle, in the corner, raises an eyebrow. Treguard nods. Pickle nods back, and advances across the room with a silver platter containing the quest equipment. Treguard gives the dungeoneer the first item.]
Dungeoneer: Oh, knapsack!
[Treguard finds a banana in the knapsack. He glares at Pickle... who then takes the banana and offers it to Advisor #1.]
Advisor #1: Delicieux.
[Next, the dungeoneer is presented with the Eyeshield.]
Dungeoneer: Excelente.
[Treguard, pleased at this reaction, gives the dungeoneer the wand.]
Dungeoneer: Monsieur, with zis Reacher you are really spoiling us.
[Treguard beams.]
Advisor #2: No really, spoiling. A lot of people are going to hate it.
Advisor #3: I'd be quite nervous if I were you.
Treguard: You know I can cast DISMISS whenever I like!
[Pickle starts to say something.]
Treguard: --Whatever series this is!
Hordriss: Fear Over Reacher. A sign of good taste.
Treguard: Good taste versus exquisite taste: I win. In your visage!
-
[A dungeoneer uses a spyglass. Lord Fear realises he is being watched.]
Lord Fear: Well if it isn't whatshisname, on the quest for the...
Dungeoneer: ...Cheap car insurance.
Lord Fear: For Goth's sake! Will you people stop bothering me?
Dungeoneer: But I thought you'd be able to help me.
Lord Fear: Nope. Not me. Not here. Wondering if Sir Hugh was more helpful than Rothberry? I can help. Pondering whether Ah Wok ever had wittier wordplay than I? This is the place to find out. But not for wretched car insurance. Treguard, if you're listening, tell your little pests to get it right. Comparethemarkknight.com, Comparethemarket.com. Simples!
[Elita sees the Bimboid.]
Elita: Hullo, ace fake!
[Lord Fear is standing next to the Pool of Veracity and Lissard.]
Lord Fear: Hi, I'm Lord F. I was in my lair one day, minding my own business, when a huge dragon fell on me. I needed a new start. So I thought, why not keep what worked and change what didn't? The tried and tested communications technomagic stayed; the office assistant went, and now I've got one with full mobility who does what I ask when I ask. I'm a PC, and Series 7 was my idea.
-
Treguard: Now, Pickle, have you got the knapsack?
Pickle: No, it's just the way me trousers hang.
-
Merlin: "Hang on a minute. Four of you, one of me, dangerously low Life Force? I make that VIMs o'clock."
[A Series 3 dungeoneer enters a room with a giant snake in a pit.]
Treguard: "Warning, this is the Lair of the Dreaded Kar!"
Peter Kay [Oh yes, I forgot to mention that Peter Kay is one of the advisors]: "Don't worry, mate, it's not moving. Probably from the joke shop."
Treguard: "No-no, the joke shop shuts early on Fridays, and the Dreaded Kar is a big, real venomous snake! If its tongue touches your dungeoneer, there will be mindbogglingly extreme Life Force damage. That is why it is to be dreaded!"
Peter: "Kar lick dread?"
[The dungeoneer tilts his head back to try and see Kar. Treguard protests.]
Peter: "Oi! You know you can't do that. If there's owt to see, I'll tell you about it. So shut your eyes and trust in me."
Treguard: "That's it! I have had it with these Oedipal expletive snakes in this Oedipal expletive Dungeon!"
Treguard: "This is the Crazed Heifer, team. But it's not innkeeping with the village's rustic aesthetic."
-
Intruder alarm sounds
Lord Fear: Darn it! I could have sworn I set this to vibrate!
-
http://www.knightmare.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=39&t=752&p=13777#p13777
Treguard: Ooohhhh, Nazi!
There is now a YouTube video, humorous in intent, connecting Hitler to Knightmare. I won't link to it directly (it contains some swearing) but I'm sure you can find it if you wish to.
-
Aesandre: Lord Fear, your courtship grows tiresome. I have snowmen in Winteria more appealing than you.
Lord Fear: How dare you? I... I don't know what to say.
Aesandre: Try expressing yourself through 1980s popular music lyrics.
Lord Fear: I must say, Queen Aesandre, that [gets up and sings, with backing music kicking in] 'You're as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice our love...'
Strictly speaking, that's 1977 - but hey, it's by one of my favourite bands, and Lou Gramm is such an amazing singer . . .
-
Douglas: (to Motley) Look out! There's a snake behind you!
Dungeoneer: (to Assassins) F&%# OFF!!!
Bragwen She: He is the messenger of the gods... And the measurer of temperature... Name him!
Dungeoneer: Michael Fish?
Bumptious: Pink!! Are you bloody serious?! It's not a frickin' cosmetic its an explosive! Stop watching them stupid s%£#@y MaxFactor ads!! And the answer in case you didn't realise (because I wasn't banking my hopes on it) was Falsehood... Black! You know, like the night sky when you can see absolutely eff all, the opposite of white, which is mixed with red to make fricking pink anyway?! Was indeed the truth I sought... Now on your way through that pink door over there... oh hang on a minute! Its black isn't it?? Who heard of a pink door that leads into total pinkness!!! Sod off now pinky!
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Bumptious: Pink!! Are you bloody serious?! It's not a frickin' cosmetic its an explosive! Stop watching them stupid s%£#@y MaxFactor ads!! And the answer in case you didn't realise (because I wasn't banking my hopes on it) was Falsehood... Black! You know, like the night sky when you can see absolutely eff all, the opposite of white, which is mixed with red to make fricking pink anyway?! Was indeed the truth I sought... Now on your way through that pink door over there... oh hang on a minute! Its black isn't it??
Black! Like the endless blackness of space, that leads to the chasm of clams!
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