Challenge TV vs Brangwen!
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I do hope that Challenge? see sense and show the remaining series of Knightmare. If they managed to repeat every episode of the Crystal maze for the last umpteen years, then surely they can carry out this request.
Also, is anyone fed up with those puzzles between the programmes on Challenge? SO fed up of that Blade runner one!
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I haven't been funny since 1997.
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(Challenge man picks up spyglass, we see Lord Fear watching his pool)
Lord Fear: Dammit, there's never anything good on TV.....Kerrang! has a crud selection if ever I saw one....Fox Kids is being overrun by bad hamster cartoons....Don't get me started on Cow and Chicken....Ice Warriors was better....even they could just be frightened off by a DIE PLEASE spell....(heavily accented)
Advisor: It's Lord Fear!
Treguard: DUH!
Lord Fear: I wonder if Knightmare is on Challenge....
Treguard: Danger, team! Lord Fear's anger can be quite nasty, if you know what I mean.
Lord Fear: Oh look! It's on! (hums along to theme tune) Right, let's see what a handsome devil I am.....
Advisor: CD, put down the spyglass!
Lord Fear: What's this...? I'm not on! This is one of those inferior shows....where I'm not on it! Blast! Curse Challenge TV! I should be watching it! But instead....(turns to screen), it's watching me. I bet you think you're clever, spying on me like that.
Treguard: Wouldn't think so, Lord Fear, he works for Challenge....
Lord Fear: Shut up, fool. Although you do have a point. Listen up, fool. I'm sending to a place even WORSE than the corridor of blades....
(whoosh)
Challenge: Where am I?
Advisor: You're in a room...and there's people skating about you dressed in black.
Treguard: Caution team! These are the Ice Warriors! You can't escape by normal methods...you must use a spell.
Advisor: OK! Spell casting: M-E-L-T.
(Treguard slaps his forehead)
(The ice melts and the Ice Warriors fall in...unfortunately, so does the dungeoneer. The life force meter appears to show the losing of health due to freezing water)
Advisor: QUICK! GET OUT OF THE WATER!
Challenge: But it's nice and cool.
Advisor: GET OUT!
Treguard: Life Force Emergency team!
Advisor: GET OUT YOU FILTHY (censored)!!!!
Treguard: Such language!....Mind you, a reference to a smartarse was used, so I suppose that's Ok....
(Dungeoneer gets out of the pool just as the jaw of the skull breaks off on the life force sequence)
Treguard: Team, you need some food and fast!
Advisor: Ok, CD, just walk forward.
(dwarf tunnel)
Dungeoneer: Where am I?
Advisor: You're in a room, and there's food in front of you. Take it.
(Takes food just as eye dissappears off of life force gauge)
Treguard: DAMN! I mean....phew! Life force restored...but watch out! I sense a presence.
(Two ice monsters appear)
Ice monster: I am the ice monster of Ed Tudor Pole!
Ice Monster 2: and I am the ice monster of Leslie Grantham!
Advisors: WHO!?
Ice Monster2 : BOYARD, you idiots!
Advisors: Oh.
Ice Monster: You know, I was just wondering how much...
(death sequence appears)
Treguard: Oh, nasty.. He seems to have bored you to death. You should have used MELT to melt him before he could.
Advisor: You told us to use MELT on the Ice Warriors!
Treguard: I told you to use a spell....and that wasn't it. Now, go home with your tail between your legs.
Lord Fear: Did they lose?
Treguard: Yes.
Lord Fear: Thank ****.
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Thanatos - it isn't April Fools' Day yet. No he was not.
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Well, I for one really appreciated the joke at Ed T-P's expense, having always thought him infinitely inferior to the fabulous Richard O'Brien. I'd always assumed this to be pretty much the standard view, although it's always good to find someone who disagrees. (I'm still looking for someone to hail the virtues of the KM life force quiche!)
I'm surprised the Dungeoneer lasted so long before being bored to death. I'd usually grabbed the remote and swapped channels before he'd finished saying "I'm Edward Tudor-Pole but you can call me Ed!" in his customary overly enthusiastic manner.
I suppose at least the Dungeoneer wasn't made to listen to his pop efforts. shudder
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Despite prefering Richard O'Brien (Well he did write the Rocky Horror show and therefore I am biased!) there's a lot to be said about that "Swords of a Thousand Men," or whatever the song is called!
Problem is, Ed Tudor Pole was very good at being Ed Tudor Pole, but he wasn't very good at being Richard O'Brien. So perhaps if he had played it as himself, he would have done better ratings-wise.
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Ten Pole Tudor are a pretty poor band.
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Never thought I'd see anyone who preferred Ed. The fact that the Crystal Maze had 4 successful series with Reckless Rick and only 2 more less successful series after he left speaks volumes. In the end, most people watched the Crystal Maze for Richard O'Brien. Switching to Ed is like having someone other than Hugo Myatt playing Treguard. Knightmare would soon have perished without him. Ooooh, nasty!
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Edward Tudor Pointless probably wasn't helped by the fact that after so long the format was pretty obvious and predictable. Richard O'Brilliant got out while the show was still popular. If he'd stayed, the ratings would perhaps still have dipped eventually, even with his wit and personality keeping a lot of viewers on board.
Having said that, I think loads of people just watched it for RO'B and Tudor-Pointless didn't even compare for many people. RO'B was always a little detached from the game; it was obvious he took it with a pinch of salt. ET-P just seemed so overly into it that I think a lot of people suddenly woke up to the tacky elements of it all. He might have done better if he'd not tried quite so hard and, like Debz said, been himself.
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And I wonder how the KM production team would have handled it if Hugo had decided to move on.
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Yeah, especially in series 3 and 4, Richard seemed to be thinking 'Oh my god, what a thick bunch of people I have around me' most of the time. It seemed inevitable really that he would give it up sooner or later but his replacement would always have too big an act to follow and try as Ed did (and boy did he try), he didn't match up.
Surely KM would have ceased very soon had Hugo left. This would be more clear cut than with the Crystal Maze. Can anyone imagine anyone taking over from Hugo? It just wouldn't happen.
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I forgot to mention the repetitiveness of Ed's jokes! The "cosmic handshake" joke wasn't even funny and yet he still repeated it about 100 times.
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Not to mention the button in the Futuristic zone which no-one was to press under any circumstances. Ed says, 'Team, you must NOT ... Press ... this ... button,' while repeatedly pressing it as hard as he can.
Another annoying trait was the way he insisted on standing with his legs open as wide as possible all the time.
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