[Script] The Pit
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Scene 1 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon
<DUNGEONAUT> enters a room through a door in the middle of the left hand wall. The only exit is on the middle of the right hand wall. The central section of the floor (a width of four flagstones) is missing from front to back, creating a large pit. On the right of the pit, in line with the doors, a single flagstone extends over the void.
<DUNGEONAUT>
Where is this?
Scene 2 Shot 1: Wide shot of antechamber
ADVISOR 1
You're in a room with a large section of the floor missing - it's actually quite a large pit with no obvious way of crossing.
Scene 3 Shot 1: Closeup of Trebake
TREBAKE
Ah, welcome to the pit of Nilrem; it is rumoured to be bottomless. I personally have my doubts but you should probably take steps to ensure <Dungeonaut> never finds out.
Scene 4 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors
ADVISOR 1
Ok, so do you think we have to use the three steps we've been given?
ADVISOR 2
Yeah, they probably complete the bridge so it goes across to that other square.
Scene 5 Shot 1: Mid shot of advisors
Scene 5 Shot 2: Wide shot of antechamber
ADVISOR 1
Ok <Dungeonaut>, we're going to guide you up to the edge of the pit. So take two steps forward. Ok...can you shuffle forward slowly until I say stop? Stop.
<Dungeonaut> follows these directions and is now standing at the edge of the pit opposite the square which extends over the void.
Scene 6 Shot 1: Midshot of advisors
ADVISOR 1
Ok, the first step is the two finger salute. <Dungeonaut>, I can't remember if you were ever in the cubs but do you want to do that salute?
Scene 7 Shot 1: Closeup of dungeonaut
<Dungeonaut> enthusiastically gives the v sign to all corners of the room.
Scene 8 Shot 1: Closeup of dungeonaut
ADVISOR 2
I guess he wasn't in the cubs.
ADVISOR 1
Um...do you want to try that again <Dungeonaut> but do a more military style salute?
Scene 9 Shot 1: Closeup of dungeonaut
<DUNGEONAUT>
Oh right, sorry.
<Dungeonaut> gives the correct two finger salute. A flagstone appears on the left side of the pit shortening the gap across the void.
Scene 10 Shot 1: Midshot of advisors
ADVISOR 1
Ok, that worked! Take one step forward. (<Dungeonaut> moves onto the next flagstone)
ADVISOR 1
Ok, so the second step is the dog. <Dungeonaut>, can you do an impression of a dog?
<DUNGEONAUT>
(OVERVOICE)
Like what?
ADVISOR 1
I don't know, just act out something the way a dog would do it.
Scene 11 Shot 1: Closeup of dungeonaut
<Dungeonaut> acts out the doggy style sexual position.
Scene 12 Shot 1: Closeup of advisor 1
ADVISOR 1
Er...tell you what, just bark or something.
Scene 13 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon
<DUNGEONAUT>
Oh right, sorry.
<Dungeonaut> barks. Another flagstone appears, shortening the gap over the bridge.
ADVISOR 1
(Voiceover:)
Ok, take one step forward. (<Dungeonaut> moves into the next flagstone)
Scene 14 Shot 1: Wide shot of dungeon
ADVISOR 1
Right, we're nearly there. The third step is the windmill.
(Sotto voce; to other advisors:)
Hopefully not many ways to interpret this.
(Normally, to <Dungeonaut>:)
<Dungeonaut> can you act out a windmill..?
Scene 15 Shot 1: Closeup of dungeonaut
<Dungeonaut> unzips his fly. It is implied that he pulls out his penis.
SOUND FX: A whooshing/humming sound as if a length of rope is being swung round.
Scene 15 Shot 1: Midshot of advisors
The advisors stare at the screen open mouthed.
Scene 16 Shot 1: Closeup of Trebake
Trebake stares at the screen open mouthed.
Scene 17 Shot 1: Studio mid-shot
Behind the scenes crew in the studio stare open mouthed.
SOUND FX END.
Scene 18 Shot 1: Closeup of Dungeonaut
<Dungeonaut> zips up his fly.
<DUNGEONAUT>
Did that work?
ADVISOR 1
(Voiceover:)
Er...no. Do you want to try windmilling your arms?
<DUNGEONAUT>
Oh right, sorry.
<Dungeonaut> windmills his arms. The final flagstone appears completing the bridge.
Scene 19 Shot 1: Midshot of advisors
ADVISOR 1
Ok <Dungeonaut>, the bridge is now complete and the exit is directly in front of you...so you can just beat it.
(Pause)
The three advisors suddenly groan and turn away from the screen/cover their eyes in disgust.
ADVISOR 1
Oh, for God's sake...
CUT TO BLACK.
End.
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