Corbiss the Bemuser
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Corbiss the Bemuser has spent an evening with elves. But it was a rogue group known as Elfire, distrusted for their denouncement of other elvish people as non-elves and their assertion that Elvandis should be "ironed out". Corbiss can't see what all the fuss is about. They even let him wear his hat.
Treguard, meanwhile, is trying to make his mind up about the Rassins. He doesn't know what to make of doors in general. One day he's a man keenly aware of their absence ("there's no door there, team"), the next he can't see when they are ludicrously overabundant (no comment that Series 7 episodes had one set of doors opening at the beginning and a different set closing at the end).
When Corbiss insists that the Knightmare lands have been too hasty in dismissing the Rassins and that relations should be restored urgently, Treguard gives in and attempts the unthinkable: he dispels DISMISS.
Instead of the Rassins being recalled, every dismissed Knightmare contestant is summoned back to the dungeon. En route, several are merged. For example, two dungeoneers from Series 2 and Series 7 become Akash Ram Barry, who is worshipped for everything he does while being mired in poor judgement and dogged by bad advice. He and Corbiss get on famously.
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Corbiss the Bemuser has been inspired by a performance from his favourite troupe of troubadours, the Absurd Lute Boys. As a show of power, he tries to banish the white from his hair. But despite having Hordriss as a brother, he can't seem to turn his barnet red.
Even using a handheld staff to focus on one patch of hair, Corbiss is unable to change a wand's worth. Rival mage Abel the Vincible, now confident enough to change his name back to Sir Vincent the Capable, has a chuckle at Corbiss' expense.
The Bemuser's acolytes continue hoping for the day when his glory will be conveyed by a lush, scarlet mane, but for some reason they are wary of communicating this dream. It's as if they don't trust the manes dream media.
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Igneous becomes more and more outspoken. He claims he is still under the influence of the TRUTH spell cast on him in Series 2 but this does not lessen the offence he is causing. Corbiss the Bemuser is urged to act and, though he is fond of the wall monster's redness, he finally responds by turning Igneous into causeway blocks, hanging in the air. In other words, he suspends living stone.
The living stone has finally dropped out of sight. Corbiss the Bemuser consoles himself by proposing a fayre for all his followers: Corbicon.
The planning begins. Muck Doggerel suggests that as well as music, speeches and plainberry toasties, Corbicon could include games. The Series 3 die-rolling is out - it's already been claimed by Rubicon - so they go for combat chess. However, the bishop is unavailable because he is in the middle of a yearlong sermon about love being powerful. (Remember in Series 4 Quest 2 when the spell ADORE was followed by the spell SLOW? It's a bit like that.) Instead they offer combat backgammon. Unfortunately, many of Corbiss' acolytes hear "gammon" and refuse to come.
Corbiss isn't worried though. Diane the Abbess has been counting the ticket sales and assures him they've sold over three million.
And yet Corbiss' own niece Sidriss hasn't bought one. She also turned down a free one. On a visit to swipe some of her Brain Pills, Corbiss asks Sidriss why. She replies that she will only be seen at the classiest conventions. Corbiss, who mishears her, assures her that Corbicon will most certainly be classist.
The outlook worsens. Only one speaker agrees to be involved, but he won't travel. That speaker is the talking bird from Series 3, also known as Corvid the Accuser.
Corbicon ends up being a handful of people in a dingy Level 2 room with bird poo down the sides - Corbiss, who is oblivious to foulness on walls, doesn't notice - listening to a large crow repeatedly ask Corbiss a rhetorical question about the identity of a stupid boy. The event is hailed as a triumph.
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The dungeon is reeling after a visit from the Dunwold Thump. Queen Maldamay has cast every known cleansing spell on her hand. She gets rid of the gift left by the New World ogre: a set of metal clubs he uses for hitting balls, or golf as it's known. (Treguard was forced to play golf with Thump and to see him leaning too far forward while positioning a ball, prompting the remark "Ooh, arse/tee.")
Meanwhile, Corbiss the Bemuser attends a picnic with some of his comrades. It takes place near a memorial to dungeoneers who fell from Play Your Cards Right. It's later pointed out that a goblin and a troll fell there too. Was Corbiss honouring them? And why was a cavernwraith spread out for use as the picnic blanket?
Elita confronts Corbiss and demands answers. He insists that although he was present when the wraith was laid, he wasn't actually involved. As the questioning continues, Corbiss rolls his eyes, which some take as a prediction of where his life force clock is heading. In fact he rolls his eyes so much that his face begins to ache. Elita revels in the irony, which surprises Corbiss because he didn't think that elvish people could grasp irony.
"No, beanbrain, it's iron we can't grasp," says Elita. "And there's even ways round that." So saying, she puts on a pair of gloves and swings a golf iron at him.
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Few people have noticed that within the Opposition is a growing threat rooted in centuries past. Unless Maldamay or Corbiss can stop this arcane power, all may have to look upon Moggrees and tremulate...
No one is quite sure where Moggrees came from. Some say he and his henchmen were summoned as a side effect of one of Merlin's spells, ERG.
Eager to undermine Maldamay and sabotage her spells, Moggrees plots to replace her cauldron with a Vat of No Confidence. But when he tries to raise funds to buy one, he is unable to get the support he needs.
As a form of eating humble pie, Moggrees is forced to accept a meal cooked for him by Maldamay: a quail stew, prepared in a hole. Corbiss the Bemuser is unable to resist commenting on this, but his description of Maldamay as a "stew pit woman" is badly received. Corbiss retreats into Yuletide community work: organising the Weeping Doors into a giant advent calendar and adorning them with festive wreaths.
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What happened to the Anode of Power used to free Hordriss in Quest 3 of Series 7? Left behind, it was recovered by the grayling also seen in that quest. Later he offered the Anode to Queen Maldamay, plus a contract with the Dunswater Boatman for a fleet of boats even though he has only one. In return, Maldamay gave a place on her Privy Council to this Crass Grayling.
In her latest attempt to release the device's latent power, Maldamay uses an electric eel from the Atlantean National Grid. This backfires when the eel eats the Anode and becomes highly dangerous, threatening the Mireworld and beyond. In defiance of those desperate to avoid this foreboding creature, Maldamay keeps it in a tank on her desk. She issues a diplomatic invitation to Corbiss the Bemuser but he becomes a refuser: he says he won't visit until "Anode Eel" is off the table.
Meanwhile, the Corridor of Blades is under threat. Peggatty has become aggrieved that she can't fireball anybody anymore because they all use the corridor to bypass Level 2. She teams up with Mildread and Mrs. Grimwold to speed up the blades and disable the moving walkway in the corridor - which, as many watchers know, was known to its creators by the name of an airport on their Home Plane.
Maldamay dispatches the Crass Grayling to investigate the crone attack on "Gatwick". In the event, the Grayling can't tackle this head-on, backs away from the witches and inexplicably disappears when they chase him out the corridor. They are later apprehended with the help of Damian of the Green, who had been watching them in his spyglass after misinterpreting the term "witch stick rump".
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The people of Winteria, feeling threatened by other parts of the Knightmare realm, demand armour. Noisy campaigning by the Vote Greave campaign and some Little Scaremongers seem to play a part.
Queen Maesandre decides on the material: an impure steel made of scraps scavenged from the most labyrinthine depths of the dungeons. She presents this to her Privy Council but they reject "Maze Steel": loudly, clear and of course three times. Maesandre's response is to add padding to her proposal parchment, plus a dash of Latin. She puts forward "Mace Steel" and hopes for the best.
Meanwhile, Corbiss the Bemuser is invited to a gathering of Maesandre's critics. Bona fide iocus Beaujolais de Pfeffel is the first to address the attendees. Winging it as usual, he comes out with: "Ah, well, the, er, Winterians should chuck 'er. Um, ooh nasty!" Something about those words offends Corbiss terribly and he storms out... straight into the path of Series 3 dungeoneer Ross who, for old times' sake, lobs an egg.
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Once upon a time, a Grey Sister set out to expose the guilty secrets of the Knightmare realm's most powerful people. She formed a sub-coven and they concocted magic to unseal scrolls and boost the power of spyglasses.
The secrets started leaking out as if someone were squeezing a sponge. Reports of dungeoneers being given second chances; details of the Motley-for-Fidjit exchange between Treguard and Lord Fear after Series 7; a lengthy 'Christmas apology' from early 1991; the revelation that Corbiss the Bemuser was present and involved; a law suit against Hogwarts; shocking evidence of retakes. The sub-coven, Wicca Leaks, became infamous; the witch, Juliana Sponge, became a wanted woman.
Juliana sought refuge in the Fortress of Aquadoor: named for its especially water-stained drawbridge, Doorsomething. For seven long years Juliana continued her work in hiding, using the Cheshire cat Bethsemane to relay messages to and from Wicca Leaks.
In time, the Dunwold Thump grew tired of the threats to his reputation and tasked his minions with finding Juliana. This they did by tricking her coast-dwelling friend, Pamela the Baywitch, into visiting her.
Despite a passable Merlin disguise, and protests by Corbiss and Diane the Abbess, Juliana Sponge was captured. Had the lord of Aquadoor been bribed by Thump to drop his protection of her? It wasn't clear. But at an exquisite banquet in the fortress that very night, the centrepiece was a silver platter piled high with gold nuggets. The guests were captivated; Ridolfo, performing a timeless ballad, declared them to be eccelente.
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Corbiss the Bemuser steps out a shower.
Sorry for the unsettling image. It sounds like a Dallas it-was-all-a-dream rip-off too. Allow me to amend it to something more plausible.
Corbiss the Bemuser steps out, a shower.
This isn't the conclusion of a dream, but Corbiss has been sleeping. More precisely, he's been sleepwalking, oblivious to the turmoil around him, not even roused by the periodic tugging at his strings.
In the five months since Corbiss dozed off, the jester Beaujolais de Pfeffel has seized power, aided and abetted by Moggrees. Desiring an aggressive monk to do his bidding but unable to recruit Cedric, BeauJeau has appointed a Dominican, Muckings. It seems BeauJeau has overcome all barriers - perhaps because every wall and door has now said "Falsehood" so many times that they've fallen apart through sheer exhaustion.
Many dungeon folk are concerned about BeauJeau's intentions. Some fear he is planning to unleash the Anode Eel that was once Maldamay's. Others believe he plans to take a leaf out of Sir Hugh de Wittless' book by teaming up with his new friend Thump to rescue damsels who don't need rescuing. Most troubling of all, BeauJeau has received assent from Treguard to impose temporal disruption on all but himself for an entire month, seemingly in support of a faction who want to leer at groups of owls. In other words, BeauJeau is pro-ogling parliament.
Corbiss, ever keen to pass off vague curmudgeonly indignation as effectiveness, seeks to reclaim power. He hasn't the magic for this anymore, and the Anode Eel has cut off the fresh herb supplies he needs to brew a Power To Rule potion (as seen in Quest 7 of Series 8**). Instead, he casts a spell that would give him temporary leadership capacity and allow him to overpower BeauJeau.
Unfortunately, Corbiss misspellcasts CARETAKER as CAKERATER and finds himself in a faraway tent, judging baked items and listening to tedious double entendres. Can anyone else stand in BeauJeau's way?
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BeauJeau is facing woe. Despite getting his assistant Sajida to promise gold to everyone, many people are pitting themselves against him.
He uses DISMISS more times in two weeks than Treguard used it in two phases, banishing a 21-strong group of nobles who stood against him. Many dungeon folk are keen to strike back when the chance arises, trading a cut-price banishing charm called PLEASELEAVEMYTOWN.
BeauJeau is advised not to talk out of his torus. Mishearing this, he finds a farm and walks out with a taurus. "I'm undeterred!" declares BeauJeau. Moments later, he slips and falls under the bull's active posterior, leaving him under turd.
Despite this mishap, the Dominican Muckings (a brother who hasn't deserted BeauJeau) advises the leader to improve his image by purchasing the bull as a pet. BeauJeau replies, "I'd rather buy in a b*tch", so Muckings goes searching for a dog.
Muckings gets hold of Festus' missing third head - via an old club of BeauJeau's which has been using the head for initiation rituals - names it Gylin (an anagram), gives it four legs and reanimates it. After two minutes with BeauJeau, Gylin's life force drains and its skin falls off, leaving a canine catacombite. BeauJeau runs for his life. He seeks refuge with a group of northern greenwardens but is reprimanded when he tries to recruit them to protect the Anode Eel.
Crazed and desperate, BeauJeau challenges his rival Corbiss to a fight. Corbiss, knowing this to be a terrible idea, refuses. BeauJeau's supporters brand Corbiss a coward, hastily producing a painting where Corbiss appears as a chicken alongside the letters 'CAB'. No one is quite sure what they stand for. Corbiss, A Bemuser? Chicken And Bracelet (as seen in Series 4, Quest 1, Level 3)?
Unabashed by this mystifying slur, BeauJeau tries to emphasise it by recreating the room from Series 2 where Team 5 found a chicken on a plate. The recreation is so faithful that it includes the energy beams that shoot out of the carved lion's head. BeauJeau, badly positioned, is roasted alive. He tries to summon Moggrees, but his ally is having a nap and does not heed his call.
As the tiles around him are zapped, BeauJeau sees his follower, Lee the Doctor, approaching. Lee declines to help BeauJeau, crossing the floor. "Ooooh, blast Lee!" BeauJeau orders the lion's head, but it's too late. He plummets through the floor. How far will BeauJeau fall?
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Beaujolais de Pfeffel, borne back up by his supporters, succeeds in imposing temporal disruption on all the dungeon's decision makers. Maesandre is able to avoid this spell by reinventing herself as a Winterian elder, Lady Hail. With support from Ariadne, she hatches a plan to free the dungeon.
Lady Hail sends BeauJeau a scroll that purports to be from a soothsayer called Jennifer the Accurate. Jennifer offers to meet BeauJeau at the tallest tree in Dunkley Wood, from where he can summon her to tell him the future while treating him to a lesson in bole dancing.
BeauJeau hastens to the tree, where he finds the 'TRICK or TREAT?' scroll from Series 6 and casts TREAT. Suddenly he is bound by webbing and his extremities turn to icicles. He is only restored by Lady Hail when he promises to lift the temporal disruption and remove the Anode Eel.
Corbiss the Bemuser emerges from temporal disruption. Acclimatising to the present day far more quickly than many believed possible, he proposes to defeat BeauJeau once and for the moment by challenging him to a snap election. Once again, Snapper-Jack makes the announcement:
"Snipper snap, snipper snap,
Good luck choosing: they're all cr...azed."
Many people besides BeauJeau and Corbiss are taking part in the election, including Jo the Winsome and Nicola the Turgid from among the Picts. Mr. Forage also shows an interest, backed by the Dunwold Thump and a nun called Ann Widdershins, so called because she wants to help them turn the clock back.
The race is on to choose the Powers That Be's new leader before Merlin starts sending people home for Christmas.
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Campaigning in New Witch Haven, Beaujolais de Pfeffel is accused of being a lothario who draws power from Lord Fear's Mendacity Engine (as referred to in The Quest Volume 3 Issue 1) and makes it up as he goes along. He tries to assure the Grey Sisters that he is nothing of the sort: he has a plan for the Greater Dungeon and it is "oven ready". This accidentally (or not) comes out as "I'm coven ready". He is chased away by Peggatty.
Meanwhile, Corbiss the Bemuser realises that to increase his popularity, he must match BeauJeau's second-nature wit. He attempts this by tricking the people of Greenshades into buying jars of his plainberry jam laced with miretrog mucus. He explains: "The innate jest is snot for sale! Snot for sale! Snot for sale!" He is chased away by Peggatty.
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Corbiss the Bemuser sends several knights off in search of a magic money forest, while he visits Wolfenden to spell out to the townsfolk that it's time for real change. So emphatic is Corbiss that he literally spells it out, unwittingly casting CHANGE and turning himself into a goblin.
Unsure whether this is cast-locked, Corblin opts to stay as he is, believing that a degree of hideousness will be to his advantage in some quarters. Indeed, trolls now support him even more than before. Brother Mace, however, no longer recognises Corblin as representing the Powers That Be. As he did when he encountered Goblin-Chris in Series 5 Quest 7, Mace reaches for the Staff of Saint Smasher the Aggressive. He gets in a few good whacks before Corblin's supporters accuse him of weaponising Christianity.
Beaujolais de Pfeffel, meanwhile, knows better than to go looking for a magic money forest: he decides to conjure one up. To fulfil this pledge, he spellcasts DELIVER. What he gets is a wood full of tree trolls complaining about him: a magic moany forest. The wood also has standing stones inhabited by the barbershop-quartet-reject gargoyle from Series 2 who repeats "Doom", accompanied by his brother who repeats "Gloom".
Unable to silence these trolls, doomsters and gloomsters, BeauJeau dispels DELIVER. Yet in reversing it, he gets REVILED.
Becoming wise to this 'dispellcasting', BeauJeau again makes a move to impose temporal disruption on the Greater Dungeon: he spellcasts PROROGUED, knowing full well that Lady Hail will order him to undo it. This he does by dispelling it as PROUDOGRE - summoning the Dunwold Thump.
BeauJeau is expecting Thump to be delighted to see him and to pledge his support. But Thump, having been yanked across from a distant land, is afflicted with spell lag and irritable and hungry. BeauJeau, keen to appeal to the ogre, proposes they dine on faerie creatures: one for Thump, one for him. At this, Thump flies into a rage and starts bludgeoning BeauJeau. As the club descends on BeauJeau's head, he is left wondering why the prescient Thump would react so badly to his suggestion of an "imp each".
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The race to lead the Powers That Be enters its final phase. Beaujolais de Pfeffel sets out to charm the dungeon folk with a new jester's cap. He hears people appreciatively shouting "Coxcomb!" but wonders why they stop before the "scomb" bit.
Corbiss the Bemuser, taking a cue from watchers, tries to win people's support in the middle of the afternoon, offering them tea and Jammy Dodgers made with his own plainberry jam. BeauJeau, meanwhile, targets people at daybreak, catching them at their hungriest and promising to get breakfast done.
In a quirkier attempt to win favour, BeauJeau stands on people's thresholds holding up scrolls with lines from his favourite poem (from the Labyrinths of Fear):
'Widdershins won't do you
Dead ahead - too true!
Deiseal's how you want to go
To safely pass on through.'
Cadrighan the Chronicler tries to draw BeauJeau's attention to a young dungeoneer with low life force. BeauJeau pockets Cadrighan's spyglass.
Although answering questions is a fundamental part of dungeon life, Beaujolais de Pfeffel decides he doesn't much like it. For a while he hides in a Winterian sauna, retaining much of his support despite being so evasive: a jammy dodger indeed.
Then, in one final push, BeauJeau picks a questioner to confront: Igneous of Legend. But instead of giving truths, BeauJeau gets out the Horn of Jericho and blows it. He smashes through the red wall. This brazenness wows people across the realm and sweeps BeauJeau into power.
However, Corbiss the Bemuser won't relinquish power without a fight. That fight involves keeping his ears covered and loudly singing 'The Red Mage' to drown out a DISMISS spell.
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As this saga of fantastic work, in both senses of the word, likely nears to a conclusion I'd like to publicly thank for the sheer entertainment and peace of mind in equal measure it has helped bring about in a real age of chaos and uncertainly.
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Thank you, Robin. That's most kind of you. I'm glad that my enjoyment and catharsis in writing it has been shared by people reading it.
Despite being axed, negotiations are underway for a few specials between now and April. Perhaps a spin-off will be commissioned too...
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With Corbiss the Bemuser contemplating retirement, the 'Magic Great-Uncle' is very slowly seeking someone to succeed him as archmage.
An early contender is Jessica, a northern warrior better known as Combat Jess. She withdraws from the contest when it becomes clear that her enemies like her better than her friends do.
This leaves Corbiss with two possible successors. One is a former dungeoneer - the fifth from Series 8 - who has never got over losing her quest and hopes that serving the Powers that Be as archmage will help her conquer her enduring misery. There is growing support for Rebecca the Long Baleful.
There is also support for the knight who once tamed a wild bovine and founded the realm's finest inn, the Crazed Heifer, in its honour. Because of this deed, people started calling him Sir Bullock Settler, until he persuade them to modify it to Sir Steer Calmer.
Beaujolais de Pffefel is not following this contest. He is too busy with the Dunwold Thump, who is pursuing a frenzied opposition to a young maid. This maid is determined to stop ogres and other minions from polluting the realm with the waste from their excess. Named after a predecessor, with an epithet to show she has yet to be martyred at the stake by Thump, the maid is called Gretel Th'Unburned.
After Treguard recognised Gretel over Thump as his "Time Turns Person of the Phase", she used her influence to return several of Thump's outdoor latrine areas to nature. He furiously demands that BeauJeau find him a new one for use during his visits from the New World.
BeauJeau resorts to asking his supporters to help him secure a suitable swamp, in a campaign he calls "Bag a Bog for a Big Blond Blob". He ends up giving Thump a deep, cold lake. Renamed the Dungswater, all fishing there is promptly suspended.
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This wasn't how Corbiss the Bemuser wanted his leadership to end. (If indeed he wanted it to end at all, or to begin, or if he even knew it had begun.)
After emerging from hiding in Winteria last year, Beaujolais de Pfeffel brought a terrible plague back with him. His action is now known as Oaf Hid '19.
With REVEAL and CURE spells in short supply, inhabitants of the entire realm are asked by Treguard to stay in their dwellings. This means that Corbiss' massive retirement party is cancelled.
His followers are distraught and, because it was never clear whether Corbiss was for remaining or leaving, some of them insist on coming out of their homes and gathering in large numbers to pay tribute to him. A few of them start rolling out specially made flags and banners. Others collect up scrolls in panic, for what purpose I cannot say.
Meanwhile, over in the New World, The Dunwold Thump is advised by Olaf to "time his eggs to perfection" so he makes plans to restore freedoms by Easter. Treguard fears this is dangerously hasty. After consulting with Corbiss' successor Sir Steer Calmer and BeauJeau, and decides to be a true dungeonmaster by announcing a lockdown. Fidjit returns in triumph. (By one definition he is a key worker.)
Merlin and Hordriss have deactivated their calling names; the Crazed Heifer is now surrounded by blockers; Lord Fear is trying to cast-lock a sanitisation spell on Hands; Treguard is projecting his face into marketplaces across the realm to tell people to take only two loo objects.
In a further measure, to stop goblins and miremen congregating at their favourite beauty spot, the Sewers of Goth are dyed crystal clear. Gumboil and the other guards order Corbiss' devotees indoors. "What about our flags and banners?" they cry. "At least let us roll them back up! You owe us that much!" "You can do it another time," comes the reply. "You're furl owed."
Maybe something is owed, thinks Treguard. He decides that some kind of send-off for Corbiss is called for, so he sends Majida, Heggatty and Casper to Corbiss' residence to have afternoon tea with him and express the Greater Dungeon's thanks. However, there is an apparent timing mishap: just before Corbiss' guests are about to leave, Treguard formally begins the lockdown. It is set to last several months.
As Majida starts to carp, Corbiss the Bemuser looks decidedly grumpy. He will not win the argument.
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The dungeon is still in lockdown. Except for some.
Muckings the Dominican, not used to being told what to do, gets Beaujolais de Pfeffel to let him go out despite showing symptoms of the plague. He ends up at Background Castle, the mysterious fortress seen behind departing teams in Series 3. He later claims he was testing his eyeshield (and trying to stay alert and control the iris).
Like many folk, Corbiss the Bemuser is outraged. He places a curse on BeauJeau: for every child he has sired, a supporters' life force will drop.
This means that a lot of people are in danger.
To protect the realm, and give time for the curse to wear off, Treguard casts BeauJeau to Level 4. For his return journey, BeauJeau is left with only a spyglass and a knapsack imbued with new "quest and trace" technomagic. Though meant to be "world beating" (a phrase used by Radio Times to describe Knightmare itself), the knapsack fails after coming into contact with an apple. BeauJeau is forced to eat his own hair to survive, but finally makes it from Level 4 to Level 3. Whether he will proceed amidst a network of allies, or a web of lies, only time will tell.
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Beaujolais de Pfeffel returns, having shed 14 pounds on the journey. He begins work on a memoir: Hardly Hotter and the Full Loss of a Stone.
Meanwhile the dungeon plague, as well as interfering with the lives of dungeon folk, has disrupted dungeoneering. It's not considered safe for children from the Home Plane to be put to the test on quests in this phase, but BeauJeau decides they should be given awards based on how well they were predicted to do: their Anticipated Levels.
This will require a powerful spell. Corbiss the Bemuser offers to help, but BeauJeau will not allow it. Instead he recruits a witch who claims she put the red bit on the Eyeshield and calls herself the Crone of Iris. He asks the Crone to mix her ingredients not in a cauldron but in the swamp in the Vale of Banburn. This is the quicksand which swallowed Gavin in Series 3 and still speaks with his voice. BeauJeau hopes that the quicksand will help to bind the magic, preventing any reversal, which would be so embarrassing.
The spell creates many injustices. One brilliantly prepared and skilful team, who had been predicted a Win, are awarded a Level 3 and sent home by Merlin for the Summer Solstice. Another team, predicted to redeem the Sword of Freedom, end up with the Pointy Stick of Promise. Teams from comprehensive schools are particularly affected, by not having got on Knightmare in the first place.
The far-reaching magic affects dungeon inhabitants too. Elita is furious when an attempt to 'BAG' her disembodied voice leads to her being kicked with an UGG Boot. And Heggatty, instead of saying "Eh? Eh?" now says "See? See?"
In response to many complaints - including one from Series 8 contestant Blan Doyd - Corbiss steps in to override the magic, ignoring the stubborn voice of Gavin. Corbiss' new spell raises the results for many teams. This is great news for Series 5's former Bee Team, who get their own theme music; and for the Drimwolds, who dine on Breaded Kaa.
Corbiss' triumph is short lived. While taking his medication - the Bitter Pill of Self-Delusion - he is caught off-guard when Lord Dear has the original magic recast on the Bemuser. Corbiss is downgraded, flung back in time and forced to spend a year as a tearful drawbridge on Level 2.
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