Jester's Corner

Has no-one said Motleyzarella? And of course, cool, creamy Philadel-Fear.

Sir Hugh de Wittless: Yes, Mildread, I like your pie: don't keep askin'! Never had one like it, though. Is it umble, deer heart? Mildread: It's beef. Sir Hugh: Mmm. Interestin' flavour for beef. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find Neddy. He's wandered off somewhere. Mildread: Wait here and let him Findus. Sir Hugh: Beg your pardon? Mildread: ...Find us. Haha! Well, it was only a matter of time before the creative minds on this forum found a way.

Hee! How about these as well: Absolute Beginners - Team 1 of Series 1 The Last Thing You Should Do - Team 3 of Series 1 (Simon) Queen Of All The Tarts - Gretel The Loneliest Guy - Cedric or Mug I Can't Read - Team 11 of Series 2 (Anthony) Beauty And The Beast - Mellisandre and Grimwold Let's Dance - Leo (Series 3) I've Been Waiting For You - Merlin Always Crashing In The Same Car - the minecart ride You Can't Talk - Motley Breaking Glass - Morghanna Sorrow - the weeping doors Never Get Old - Mellisandre Right - Team 4 of Series 4 (Simon) Telling Lies - Team 6 of Series 4 (Dickon) Unwashed And Somewhat Slightly Dazed - Sylvester Hands Changes - Chris (Series 5) Try Some, Buy Some - Julius Scaramonger Be My Wife - Sylvester Hands and Sidriss Queen Bitch - Greystagg or Maldame Future Legend - the one they call Barry Where Are We Now? - every dungeoneer in every room

Brangwen was asked to rank the soaps she follows. Crossroads did not come first: she has no respect for alleged wobbly walls. She doesn't think too much of Neighbours either, unlike some wall monsters. In fact, on her list, the first soap is The Archers. The Aaarcherrrs.

This thread just made LOL a lot. The rhythmic gymnasts use clubs, so that could be an interesting one for Mr Grimwold...

Bumptious: Thatcher's Gold Fidjit: Duff

I did a poem analysis for this in my end of years. Miss Havisham was more cold-hearted so I was thinking more of an Aesandre persona, but that's just my opinion

Just like having Brother Mace on stage. (NB: This is sarcasm.)

The second one . . . Completely Abysmal Sixth Team Contestants Are So Terrible Clumsy Akash, Stupid Team (or Advisors instead of Akash if you prefer). But is the real answer "Cast A Spell, TRUTH"?

Switching to fan-characters... Kully: I resolve to stop having random rows with my brother. Crystal: I resolve to getting over my fear of water and to sort out Lord Fear so he won't call me 'kitten whiskers' from now on (and maybe I can scratch Lissard on the way). Reconboo: I resolve to find a way to shrink my ears to normal side so I won't look like Dumbo. Amy: I resolve to playing a proper game next time I go on Knightmare.

[Setting: the Dirty Duck pub quiz.] Motley: And the answer is... Camulodunum. Which means that by one point, Ogres N' Egg'eads 'ave beaten Smelly Melly And The Staid Maids - and they win our jackpot! [Applause. Grimwold high-fives Grimaldine.] Motley: 'Ard luck, girls, but I still loves ya! Congrats to the baldies and thanks for playin', everybody! Gretel: You cow. You swore it was Caledonia. Mellisandre: He... he lied to me... Milly: Aye, whatever. Talk to the hand. Molly: That's your foot, Milly. [Mellisandre stands up.] Mellisandre: I tell you he LIED TO ME!! [She smashes a stool. Silence.] Mellisandre: Go forth, everyone. [Twitch.] Don't let me keep you. [Cold laugh.] And if you ever see a boy by the name of Dickon, or anyone dear to him, you tell them, you kindly tell them, that MELLISANDRE MAKEPEACE PERHAPPENSTANCE WILL HAVE HER BLOODY VENGEANCE!!! [Grimwold burps.] Motley: [To himself] Fink I'll see who I can pick up in the Greenwood.

Team that misses its stop on the descender fails on many levels.

Thought I'd try a few more of these... Mellisandre (I was going to put her in the kitchen but her hair clashed with the furniture!) Elita Gwendoline

Mr. Grimwold - Pac-Man Or this.

Bwaaahahahaha! Dave Fear, the last Opposition member alive - his only companions, a hologram of his dead goblin master and a creature who evolved from the dungeon cat. The Dreadnort is found in pieces after the troll lands on top of it. Fear rebuilds the 'noid, but is unable to recapture his former personality and instead he becomes a sort of camp butler.

Velda: EL! VAN! DIS!! AAARGH!! Mrs. Grimwold: I'll 'ave what she's 'aving. Meanwhile the Gotham City Invasion continues Riddler: Riddle me this and riddle me that... Dungeoneer: Do you actually have a riddle? Treguard: Extreme Gorshin, team! [Series 5. The Dungeon Master and his assistant are watching a certain Ms. Massey in the Dungeon. They are unimpressed.] Pickeys: Well, somebody better get down there and explain the Adventurer's Code to her. Grayguard: Yeah, I know. Can you believe that? Female greenwarden. Forget what I said – they probably don't know the Adventurer's Code. P: Course they don't. G: Why is there a female greenwarden? Somebody's bags-of-plucked up big. P: I can guarantee you there'll be a big one today. Julius will go potty. This is not the first time. Didn't we have one before? G: Yeah. P: Gundrada. G: Goondwada, something like that. She was elfing hopeless as well. P: [Grumble] G: [Mumble] P: No, no, it's got to be done, it's good. The Greater Game's gone mad. See charming Elita this morning complaining about sexism? Yeah. Do me a favour, love.

David of Series 1 Team 1.... THE FIRST DUNGEONEER. Simon of Series 4 Team 4..... FUNNIEST DEATH EVER. Barry of Series 7 Team 7.... BEST CONTESTANT EVER. Gideon of Series 8 Team 2.... OH MY GOD!

In case anyone else wants to try spotting Julian/Jason, Three Men And A Little Lady will be on BBC1 tomorrow at 2:30. Bizarrely, it will clash with Three Men And A Baby on Channel 4. (Then later in the day, Steve Guttenberg will put in another appearance: Police Academy 2 on Channel Five. So if you're a big Steve Guttenberg fan... I, er, I don't know how to finish that sentence.)

Gordon Brown: "It was a disaster, meeting that Watcher - the bigot."

Puh. I searched for that! Before starting the thread. Stupid search